teardrop

hello i didnt even realise i had joined this site nearly 3 years ago, untill i tried to joun today

i cant styop drinking or thinking about drink

my last drink this time was monday

i have been trying to stop seriously since november 2009

i just find myself thinking about drink every single day

i was 2 months off it untill monday, prior to that i was nearly 3 months off it

why cant i stay stopped and why do i think about beer every day

i drank daily from age 21 to 38 39 im 41 now

i dont beleive in god

ive seriously tried aa

it does my head in now, (not aa) trying to stop drinking but continuously thinking about drink

am i mad i dont feel normal unless i am drunk

i am feeling angry with the world and empty and useless

i feel like saying f it and moving out of my familly home and just drink till i die because it wont go away

help anyone please thanks dave

Anna

Hi Dave and Welcome,

I'm so glad you found us and posted.

I know how hopeless it can seem when you just know you need to stop drinking. But, there is always hope and you can stop drinking and live the life you want to live.

Good for you for your 4 sober days. Things will get better and there is always lots of support here.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Dave - there's a lot of support here...and a few ideas too

Just wondering did you try some of the non 12 step programmes like SMART, LifeRing or Rational Recovery?

D

Seiceps

Hi Dave , I hear you about feeling angry and lost, me too. It just seems so damn unfair. But I'm sure if you really are honest would your family want you to leave forever ? I don't think so. I'm sure they want you sober and happy. I'm only on day 2 after day from hell yesterday. We can do it I'm sure.

Jimuk

Hi Dave, your story is very similar to mine mate. I'm 40 this year, live in the UK, my last drink was Monday and yes thoughts of leaving home and bombing out for good. Day 4 tomorrow and feeling more positive - I hope you can be too mate, I'm glad you're here it's a great place to be.

teardrop

thanks for the quick replies

dee no ive not heard of the non 12 step programes

ive been through the aa 12 steps by using a object as my higher power and not praying

i done a list of resentments etc and made some appoagies

then i got all down again and thought a drink was a good idea

thats the circle i go around in

i either get so angry i drink

or i feel im missing out and drink

i dont associate my resentments from the past or saying sorry (for really stupid things ive done in or to get drink) helps, as i still find myself drunk

thnks

today is nearly over for me in the uk

its very hard

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR. Sorry to hear of your stuggles. I tried to quit for over ten years. Finally sober for over two. Here's what I learned:

Thinking about drinking doesn't mean you have to drink. The thoughts about drinking is your addiction doing everything in its power to get you to drink, and its been successful. You will need more than a couple months sober before it becomes a little easier.

From the little bit you've written, your problems may be a little deeper than a problem with drinking. That's why a recovery program is so important--to equip you to handle life without alcohol.

Good luck.

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Teardrop

I'm sorry that you are struggling but I hope that coming here will be a turning point for you. It certainly was for me. Please post often and read lots. I would recommend looking up things like AVRT (rational Recovery) and SMART if you feel like AA isn't working for you. Sometimes approaching it from another direction can really help. For me I had to give up drinking and then deal with all the other sh;t that made me drink. Anger was a massive problem for me, and I had totally ran out of any hope. I am only 31 but I thought I was on deaths door and in a way I just wanted to die. Hope came back slowly and surely after I force myself to stop drinking. I have been here every day since and am nearly a year sober. If I can do this then I know you can too! Glad you're here x

teardrop

thanks, what is avrt or smart ??

thanks dave

member72

Awesome job on 4 days. Keep posting and yes there are other programs out there. Your bound to find one that works for you. Stay strong, it does get easier. search under secular for info about AVRT and smart. copy this link
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

comtnman740

Keep going Teardrop you can do it! I'm on Day 4 and have had alot of urges today. I'm going to see Lincoln tonight and am really excited about it. Put it off so damn long probably because my lips were wrapped around a bottle. Enough!

hypochondriac

If you google the crash course on AVRT or Smart recovery you will find lots of information. Or check out the secular connections forum here. SMART recovery is a meeting based method of recovery which will teach you tools to stay sober but is very unlike AA, and AVRT is a non meeting based approach. There is still a lot too it though so reading the book Rational Recovery: A new cure for substance addiction might help, but the crash course covers the gist of it. You must have heard of Allen Carr too, the easyway to stop smoking guy. His book is good too. Sorry to chuck all that info at ya, but some of it may just make something click for you x

Hevyn

Welcome to the family Dave. Glad you found your way back.

I know there's hope - because I stopped after drinking all my life. I was in my 50's when I finally quit. You can do it, too. It sounds like it's bringing you nothing but pain. You don't need it.

DarkDays

Grind through the early days, stare at a wall all day do whatever..Do not give in to the cravings, go to war with them. Do this now, get through it you wont have to go through it again..Good things await.

Good luck.

Sasha4

Is there anything else you can occupy your mind with?

Maybe the relentless drinking thoughts and your frustrations with AA that whirl round in your head might be solved by engrossing yourself in something else completely not drink related.

I know for me my days would be..

Drink heavily at night
Wake hungover
Google aches and pains and liver damage on the internet the next day.
Read posts on here.
Google AA meetings.
Think about going to an AA meeting.
Hangover starts to subside.
Entertain thoughts of drinking a small amount.
Buy a large amount of booze with the intention of making it last a week.
Drink it all in one night.
Wake hungover

Rinse and repeat above process.

I don't want to sound flippant, but I had to get busy to fill the hours.
I think if all the hours had been filled with recovery based activities and events though I would have gone mad.

Often when I felt like caving in a walk in the fresh air helped. A drive in my car with some music in the dark. It stopped me climbing the walls and thinking thoughts that were not helpful.

After years of drinking every night and doing little else I had to really challenge myself to find something else to do, but I was determined there had to be more to life.

teardrop

thanks people

its day 4 today (not yesterday) last drink monday night

though at the moment i do actually feel slightly better than yesterday (& wednesday & tuesday) i still have the craving/urge to drink

let me share my thoughts of the day bare in mind its only 9 am here and i ve just got up

i woke up at about 7 to 7.30

thoughts were

maybe it wasnt all bad drinking

i got arrested loads, fight go to prison

no not every time

a few beers at home will be ok, i wont do anyone any harm then

my wife doesnt like that though, me stinking of booze acting a goat and falling about

but i need to relax, i dont know any other way

i know ill struggle to stay off it all week but ill get pissed all weekend

WHY am i thinking like that its driving me nuts

also i do know i have other problems but i cant find the root cause of my drinking

i have ocd which is me washing my hands/body alot

im very insecure

i was in/out of care as a kid and abused as a child too

but in all honesty im not too bothered about the child abuse any more since doing aa stuff

though my ocd is still there daily which is very hard work

i need to concentrate on one thing at a time and its best i concentrate on not drinking first

as i cant get much help with the ocd when drinking they wont really entertain me

thanks dave

ill try my best again for today day 4

ricmcc

Sasha, this not a criticism of your post at all, quite the opposite, in fact, but it seems to me that when you are engaged in activities that are helpful as they keep you from thinking about drink, you are, in fact, engaged in recovery based activities. I do much the same with various hobbies, etc, which to me aid my recovery without my thinking of drink or recovery (and thinking of recovery entails thinking of not drinking, which in turn, entails thinking of drink. So basically, I think that we agree that doing stuff that on the face of it has nothing to do with recovery does help recovery, even if just by helping to build a more satisfying life for oneself? At any rate, as usual, I enjoyed your post, and all the best to you now, and in the future---rick

ricmcc

Btw, the smiley thing I posted was meant for the seeming paradox of thinking of recovery all the time entailing the thought of drink, was not meant to apply to the thinking of drink itself--must improve my posting skills, and learn how to alter a post before the 15 minute period in which to edit expires(:--best, rick

mecanix

Hi Dave ,
I found some of Noah Levine's stuff interesting . Hope you find a way to feel normal when your sober .

Bestwishes, M

teardrop

ive just found a smart recovery meeting starts tonight at 6.30 pm not too far to travel either

i will go and see what its all about

i wouldnt have ever known about smart if i hadnt come on here so thanks people

i will keep you posted as to how it goes