Dagger

Well done dave,stick with it mate,try finding things to do, do things to take ur mind off it,i no thats easyer said than done,im like u im34 and drank every day for 10 years and worked with most of that,but when your told ur going to die if u carry on the way u are,u dont want that,try having some days off at 1st then try just drinking on weekends, dont do wat i did stopped and then got ill and in hospital 4 a month that was help had withdrall u dont want that,seeing things so good luck dont beat you self up u done 4 days.

FeelingGreat

Good luck teardrop - you know you're going to experience strong cravings and obsessive thoughts; try to accept them and ride with them. They do lessen over time but you have to stay on your guard forever. If you can resist them you will feel so proud of yourself. You can do it!

Del

Good luck

Sasha4

I agree with you.
I think what I was trying to say is that if attending AA or SMART is the only thing you do as an alternative to drinking then life might be a bit dull. However, with the pain that Dave is feeling at the moment and when he talks about leaving his family to drink alone, I would hate to suggest swimming or cookery classes as a hobby or a distraction as it sound, at least to me, very flippant. I know when I have felt true despair, a suggestion of going to the cinema, and these are all just examples would not have gone down very well.

healin

you can do this mate....welcome to Sr fellow countryman

teardrop

that was a waste of time i got to the smart meeting to find its not on and other people/meetings in the building knew nothing about it

yes i did go to the correct building/address that was listed on the internet

so im back home now feeling rather p d off

i was already on a downer from early afternoon

this is so hard its unbelievable

is it nearly bed time yet??

thoughts of drinking are very tense at the moment

Valll

Don't do it Dave - there are so many people here that can help you.

Where are you in the UK?

hypochondriac

Sorry to hear the meeting was a bust Teardrop Sometimes online information can be a bit out of date. Depending on where you are in the UK you should be able to get support and attend non recovery specific meetings at an alcohol and drug addiction agency too. I'm in the west midlands and ours is called Aquarius (Home | Aquarius) but there should be others around with similarly non-descriptive names. Google your area or you could phone drinkline (0800 917 8282), they should know what's near you.

Please hang in there. The first few days are the worst. Go to bed early if that helps. I did that in the first week which was probably wise cos I wasn't sleeping well at that stage. It gets better x

teardrop

i live near york

ive so many times got a month off the booze sometimes 2 months

rarley 3 months

it never seems to get better for me, its just like sometimes i manage to white knuckle it longer than other times

i only really know how to drink, dont know anything else, its so hard

Valll

How bizarre - I am originally from York.

It is v e r y hard. I am not an expert in recovery but there must be something out there that will suit you on your way to recovery...

What have you tried so far?

teardrop

let me try and go back to when people around me decided i needed help with my drinking way back in the 90s

i was always in court and this is some things i tried and some which the court made me do

drink diary
drink aware course
prison
anti buse
banned from all pubs
banned from all shops that supply alcohol
aa
councelling
tablet that should stop alcohol craving but i was alergic to it
one to one alcohol knowledge with a firm in scarborough (cant remember their name)
killing my self (obviously didnt work)
controlled drinking
drinking shandy
drinking only on weekends
smoking weed
librium
smoking cigs
gym
na
anxiety cours
physcolagist
physcayatrist
sectioned uinder mental healh act for one night (that was a waste of time got no help more a cry for help by slashing my wrists even called the ambulance my self)
finally aa again
but i dont beleive in god at all so its not easy plus i just keep picking up

i stop for a week or month or 2 then pick up

Valll

I see that you have been through hell and back Dave and I am so sorry that sadly this hasn't worked for you so far...

I don't believe in much either - apart from my inner strength that is...

I have also had many many years of therapy due to severe, and I mean near deaths door depression. I never drank execessively nor took drugs nor smoke even though I was in a milieu full of such things (music).

I never thought I would recover - but I did.

What do you think you need to help you? Do you work?

teardrop

no i dont work i am signed off sick permantally

i have obviously a bad drinking history

also a bad ocd obsessive behaviour history

i really need help with both at the same time

i do so long off booze with no real improvment on my mental health ocd, then its like f this i cant cope and i drink

i can literally feel a drink coming days before i pick one up

my ocd is there 24/7 even in my sleep i dream ive got contaminated and wake up and go and wash myself

i cant cope with the anxiety

im on prozac

i need to really grasp this one day at a time thing by the horns and say today i wont drink and wont wash

obviously wash on a morning/night like a normal person and wash my ands after the toilet but i cant i just itch and sweat like mad

really itch and sweat i could stand outside in the snow and drip sweat off my body

ive got so much knowledge now from aa and other stuff i really should try one day at a time not wash not drink

Valll

I really feel for you Dave. I suffered from major panic attacks too - I had no idea what was happening to me, the "SuperWoman" ;>), who could manage any situation thrown at me = but when I first felt my heart beat racing out of control in a totally random situation (sitting still in the office) I felt totally lost, and then was for many years. Now I ask myself how did that happen? I have no idea why.

I was working 6 days a week 10 hour days no problem... ahem, so I thought.

Have you been offered any sort of help from the NHS? (I work for the NHS and am very passionate about getting the right help)

p.s. What do you like in life? What are your passions?

teardrop

not really no

according to them im stuck in the two

alcoholic and obsessive compulsive disorder

they wont treat my ocd while i drink and i can stop drinking because i get no rest from my ocd unless im in oblivion

they also want me sober for a while before they help me (longer then ive ever managed)

once one told me he will treat me if i drink normally or not at all

i didnt know what drink normally meant we talked or argued for half a hour and he said one beer a week

now to me that is never ever going to happen, i dont understand how anyone can do that (or why) and he didnt seem to understand whty i cant do that i think he thought i was being awkward

Valll

I think you may need a second opinion Dave. Could you go to another local GP/Hospital near you and ask for help?

I am pretty disgusted to be honest by your treatment so far.

There is a way out for you I am sure of that.

Sasha4

There is an alcohol service in York called Compass.
I found some info on the net.
Have you been referred there?

I can slightly understand the not drinking clause. If your drunk in sessions you are probably not going to get much benefit. But if you can agree to cut down a bit, that might help? And drinking increases anxiety, so they most likely want to get an accurate understanding of the issues you are faced with rather than any that might be caused by excessive booze.

A word of caution too - Prozac is really good for treating depression and phobia's and conditions like OCD. However drinking changes your brain chemistry and also causes depression, so it is unlikely your Prozac is working to it's best ability. This will be the case with all anti-depressive dugs.

Try get some rest mate xxxx

teardrop

im not sure

where i am is in middle of 2 cities

hull/york

and i dont seem to fit in either catchment area

i know that as i tried to get on courses in both for alcohol i even said i can get here thats not a problem

but they said my postcode is out f the catchment area

also when i last slashed my wrists i was asked which hospital i want to go to hull or york, (by the ambulance team) i said york

when i got there with the police too as by now i was sectioned under the mental health act, after waiting hours the doctor wouldnt see me he said im out of their catchment area take him to hull mental hospital

the police were furious it was 2 am by now i was sobering up and said can i just go home now

but i couldnt

so in a police van now not ambulance to mirranda house at hull

got released as sane at about 4 am

police were friendly enough by now to give me a lift home

honestly its discusting

my own doctor told me theres nothing more he can do for me apart from carry on prescribing my prozac and that ive got a personallity disorder and im lucky because most people with personallity disorder spend their life in jail

ive spent a few months in jail a few times, but he said these people are constantly in jail

so thats why ive chose self help but i need one to one and pushing hard at it to get me past the very hard anxiety bits because thats when i drip with sweat and itch like mad and get head ache etc

Sasha4

Well now with the NHS you can go wherever you want.

So there is Compass in York - have a google of it, maybe ring them and see if you need a doctors referral. You might be able to refer yourself.

If you need a referral, go see another GP in the practice or if there is not one, ask to speak to the practice manager. Unless you don't mind seeing the GP that told you that rubbish about the personality disorder.

You can change doctors whenever you want.

You simply walk into a doctors surgery and ask to register as a new patient. Simple as that.
You do have to live in their catchment area, but this is because if there is ever a reason a GP needs to see you at home, they can only respond to certain postcodes.

Shall I have a look at Hull for you?

teardrop

i dont know if i come under hull or york or somewhere else ?

i live in market weighton if you know it?

i dont actually drink or go to the councelling sessions drunk

when i drink its usually from about 2 or 3 pm till when i pass out 10 11 12

i started prozac on june 13th 2012 and since june 13th 2012 ive drank on 9 seperate days i think only 2 of those days were continuous (ie in a row i did go to bed between)

but the craving to drink will not leave me

thanks for your help and yes anything you find i will try it out

any help is very much appriciated, because i dont know what to do

either keep going to aa and use my cheryl cole picture as my god or drink is my options in my head, both still suceed in me craving alcohol every single day

thanks dave