Big can of worms
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,062
Do what Hanna said. Do what Zune said and put down the drink now.... And then... Do exactly what you just said you are gonna do. One second at a time. That's all you can do.
They may support you, they may not. That is their choice. YOU have to do the WORK
They may support you, they may not. That is their choice. YOU have to do the WORK
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 182
the major issue here is that i want to tell them
but they have no way of sympathizing & can not.
this could be a lot of trouble if i tell them
my higher power tells me i have to tell them
wow
this is real life issue here
but they have no way of sympathizing & can not.
this could be a lot of trouble if i tell them
my higher power tells me i have to tell them
wow
this is real life issue here
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
This might be helpful to you:
What Treatment Can provide
(from Lake Chelan Community Hospital, Washington)
1. Treatment can help you through withdrawal
a. Provide health monitoring by medical staff
b. Provide support and encouragement by peers and staff
c. Provide therapeutic environment by Chemical Dependency Counselors
d. Provide assistance from support staff
What Treatment Can provide
(from Lake Chelan Community Hospital, Washington)
1. Treatment can help you through withdrawal
a. Provide health monitoring by medical staff
b. Provide support and encouragement by peers and staff
c. Provide therapeutic environment by Chemical Dependency Counselors
d. Provide assistance from support staff
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
QUOTE=Coldfusion;3813515 continued
What Treatment Can provide
(from Lake Chelan Community Hospital, Washington)
1. Treatment can help you through withdrawal
a. Provide health monitoring by medical staff
b. Provide support and encouragement by peers and staff
c. Provide therapeutic environment by Chemical Dependency Counselors
d. Provide assistance from support staff
2. Treatment can offer hope
a. I can change
b. I can have personal empowerment
c. I can participate in my recovery
d. I can communicate honestly in my relationships
3. Treatment can offer a forum in which to interact with other addicts/alcoholics
a. I am not alone
b. I am not bad
c. I have a disease
d. Others have it too
e. I can talk and listen freely with my peer group and counselors
5. Treatment can teach alternative methods and coping skills
a. I can learn to communicate my needs.
b. I can talk through my problems
c. I can identify and own my feelings
d. I can be individual and interdependent
e. I can learn to think of alternatives rather than compulsively react
f. I can have choices and evaluate consequences of those choices
6. Treatment provides a supportive environment
a. I am safe
b. Therapists, counselors, doctors and nurses are supportive of my recovery
c. My family can receive help through the family program
d. There are role models of recovery and mentors in treatment
What Treatment Can provide
(from Lake Chelan Community Hospital, Washington)
1. Treatment can help you through withdrawal
a. Provide health monitoring by medical staff
b. Provide support and encouragement by peers and staff
c. Provide therapeutic environment by Chemical Dependency Counselors
d. Provide assistance from support staff
2. Treatment can offer hope
a. I can change
b. I can have personal empowerment
c. I can participate in my recovery
d. I can communicate honestly in my relationships
3. Treatment can offer a forum in which to interact with other addicts/alcoholics
a. I am not alone
b. I am not bad
c. I have a disease
d. Others have it too
e. I can talk and listen freely with my peer group and counselors
5. Treatment can teach alternative methods and coping skills
a. I can learn to communicate my needs.
b. I can talk through my problems
c. I can identify and own my feelings
d. I can be individual and interdependent
e. I can learn to think of alternatives rather than compulsively react
f. I can have choices and evaluate consequences of those choices
6. Treatment provides a supportive environment
a. I am safe
b. Therapists, counselors, doctors and nurses are supportive of my recovery
c. My family can receive help through the family program
d. There are role models of recovery and mentors in treatment
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
Originally Posted by ntmu 
yes, heart, please.
also, i am not sober at all.
also, i am not sober at all.
Well by now it must be ZERO Hour and showered or not your parents are there.
You are drunk, and what will come out of your mouth is anybody'd guess--even yours.
Apparently you have been working yourself up to this meeting for a few days with the help of SR. Seems to me you have gotten some pretty great answers and support for your dilemma, that is what we are here for. You have chosen to pretty much disregard what has been suggested even down to the "shower" to be at least presentable to your parents. It is your Birthday , your parents are coming to see you, and you have just continued to drink your beers, and inform us you don't feel like taking a shower or anything.
Yet you ask for "heart" from your parents, and believe some of us here are "preaching" to you without knowing where you are coming from.
How does one help someone like you? What exactly are you looking for from us? After 2 days of advice you have determined to do your own thing, and I am sure when you are sober and read these posts you will see you are going in circles.
Let us help you, but that means listening and realizing we know WAY more than you do, and IF sobriety is what you are truly looking for here, you eill stop making excuses, and blaming an abusive family.
You are the ONLY one that can help yourself, and ONLY if you are willing to take the advise of those much older and wiser than you. You have been drinking for 20 years, are 36 years old. You are no longer a child and you must now be living on your own if your parents are coming to visit you.
You don't need their ROOF over your head, no job, and all of their sympathy.
What you need is to face the fact you are an alcoholic in serious denial, who only SAYS they want to get sober, but I am not sure you even believe that.
Just read through your 78 posts when you are sober and tell us what YOU think?
Regardless, we will be here for you as always, but please listen when we speak--we only want to save you from yourself?
Sincerely hoping things went well with your parents, and you are ready to take the Plunge into sobriety.
......and of course Happy Birthday--maybe your next Birthday will be truly HAPPY.
TrixMixer
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Variables that affect Success:
Length of addiction
Physical Damagae
Health
Followup program
Utilization of existing support systems following treatment such as therapy, religious affiliations, sober activities, 12-step program with sponsor and home group.
Having child care if needed
A supportive S/O or spouse
Enlisting support from neighbors, employer, trusted co-workers, schoolmates, and non-addict friends
Length of addiction
Physical Damagae
Health
Followup program
Utilization of existing support systems following treatment such as therapy, religious affiliations, sober activities, 12-step program with sponsor and home group.
Having child care if needed
A supportive S/O or spouse
Enlisting support from neighbors, employer, trusted co-workers, schoolmates, and non-addict friends
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Originally Posted by ntmu
ok, before i was getting some individual, now people are reading & talking to a book.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 603
Originally Posted by ntmu
My family, as far I know, has not history of alcoholism. my parents very rarely drink alcohol and my brother too. they will maybe have some on like holidays. but not much more than 1 or 2.
they will not know how to respond if i tell them i have become alcoholic.
from what i know, it is likely to going to be a revolving door of fear & anger if i tell them.
i have taken the aa lesson of honesty well.
it works very well for me.
i want to just tell them.
but this may cause trouble
especially now
is not a good time
if i am just getting started with recovery
i am recently unemployed
i will need some of their help
they will have the power to
make things much worse for me if i tell them
the people here are great and understanding
or at least make an effort to be
my family may use this opportunity
to abuse me
i want to just get started here
get some time sober
but i have the burning need to tell someone
what do i do about this?
they will not know how to respond if i tell them i have become alcoholic.
from what i know, it is likely to going to be a revolving door of fear & anger if i tell them.
i have taken the aa lesson of honesty well.
it works very well for me.
i want to just tell them.
but this may cause trouble
especially now
is not a good time
if i am just getting started with recovery
i am recently unemployed
i will need some of their help
they will have the power to
make things much worse for me if i tell them
the people here are great and understanding
or at least make an effort to be
my family may use this opportunity
to abuse me
i want to just get started here
get some time sober
but i have the burning need to tell someone
what do i do about this?
I've had good results telling my parents and siblings about my struggles with drinking. For me, it's way better than living in secret shame, but every family is different, so you're the one who's in the best position to say whether it's best to tell or not.
It saddens me to hear that you fear they will take it as an opportunity to abuse you if you tell them the truth. I find that confession is good for the soul. Holding things in sucks.
I find that having a psychotherapist really helps. I can tell him anything and I do. He's being paid to hear my issues, whereas with friends I may not say everything because I don't want to be a burden.
Therapists can be really expensive. I found this one through County Family Services. He could easily charge me 5 times what he is, but he's a nice guy and he doesn't, even though now he's established a private practice outside of the County system.
In fact, he even reduced his rates because he knew I was in financial hardship.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Well put Renaldo. And excellent point about getting / having a psych or even a Drug and Alcohol counsellor - someone entirely separate from family and friends.
I believe you've inserted a great addition to this thread, as counselling for one's mental health probs is soooo often needed when we're addicts, still-using or recovering / recovered. I myself am on a waiting list to see a psych, just so I can talk about my current re-emergence of depression and upset over loneliness, family estrangement, and so on and so on. Those things don't necessarily go away magically when we get sober - many on these boards know that, which is why SR is wonderful by even having a sub-forum for people to talk about their mental health struggles.
I believe you've inserted a great addition to this thread, as counselling for one's mental health probs is soooo often needed when we're addicts, still-using or recovering / recovered. I myself am on a waiting list to see a psych, just so I can talk about my current re-emergence of depression and upset over loneliness, family estrangement, and so on and so on. Those things don't necessarily go away magically when we get sober - many on these boards know that, which is why SR is wonderful by even having a sub-forum for people to talk about their mental health struggles.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
And may I say, ntm, (when you're back online): I'm soooo thinking of you right now, as you experience this visit with your parents, and for your birthday too!
I hope that when you re-post to let us know how it went, you'll 'see' that all of us DO understand much of your inner torment. I certainly do. I could see and feel it even as I read through your first thread, and then this one.
Thank God/dess or whatever :-) for SR, I say! It's about the only thing keeping me even remotely sane each day lately.
I hope that when you re-post to let us know how it went, you'll 'see' that all of us DO understand much of your inner torment. I certainly do. I could see and feel it even as I read through your first thread, and then this one.
Thank God/dess or whatever :-) for SR, I say! It's about the only thing keeping me even remotely sane each day lately.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 603
Originally Posted by bemyself
Thank God/dess or whatever :-) for SR, I say! It's about the only thing keeping me even remotely sane each day lately.
Ironically, as I typed this I was listening to the Swedish band Trummor and Orgel (which means "drums and organ"). The lyrics to the song are:
"What will become out of you,
If not tomorrow can tell,
What will become out of you?
If you don't understand,
That life is a wonderwall,
coming and going your way,
Your life is a wonderwall,
Going and coming so people start running,
...So don't think you know it all,
Twisted and turning,
People start running away.
...You'll be the first one to know,
Going and coming while you're children start running away."
You can find this on Youtube at:
Trummor & Orgel Ftt. Ebbot @ Carin 21.30 - YouTube
You'll have to adjust the aspect ratio to 16/10, but that's a small price to pay.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 603
Well, once again I haven't read every post in this thread, but it seems like the meeting with your parents has transpired at this point. I hope you showered. Can you elaborate a bit on why you think your parents will be so unsympathetic if you tell them the truth? It kind of seems like you're in the victim role in the sense that nobody understands you.
I've gone days without shaving or showering and wearing the same clothes for a couple of weeks because the money I spent on beer was more important to me than spending a few bucks to go the laundromat, so I certainly understand that.
Also, I don't drink and drive anymore, so walking to laundromat with a big bag of clothes, I was paranoid that I might appear tipsy. What rational person can sit in a laundromat without drinking beforehand?
I'm joking of course. People do it all the time. I was always the guy who had to take 3 pee breaks at a movie at a theater. No one else had to do that.
I've gone days without shaving or showering and wearing the same clothes for a couple of weeks because the money I spent on beer was more important to me than spending a few bucks to go the laundromat, so I certainly understand that.
Also, I don't drink and drive anymore, so walking to laundromat with a big bag of clothes, I was paranoid that I might appear tipsy. What rational person can sit in a laundromat without drinking beforehand?
I'm joking of course. People do it all the time. I was always the guy who had to take 3 pee breaks at a movie at a theater. No one else had to do that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 182
well, i'm back. & even worse than a fight, i feel like i got more of a denial response. everything that it took to tell them what i did seemed to just slide down like they were made of Teflon. I might have as well said nothing.
I don't even know how i feel right now.
the food was good though, we agreed on that.
i know i need to make a daily commitment to this for at least a year.
i've trashed my life over & over, they've seen that part, but they don't really want me spending all of this time trying to get help or working on my problem.
after how many times they've seen my life go to garbage, they still expect that this is a problem i could clean up quickly.
there is more to it than just drinking or not drinking.
i'm grateful that i've seen the same thing happen with so many other people here. where the addiction swallows us. there's more to it than i've seen anyone actually articulate, but i've seen by example.
i feel i need to work at this on a daily basis for a while and make this a priority.
i need to make recovery a priority right now, above anything else.
my parents don't seem to want to believe that. after how much of life has been wasted, our family and money has been wasted, they don't seem to want to believe that i need to make my life all about recovery right now.
i'm drinking a beer right now! hello?
i tried explaining things could actually get worse.
they have actually seen me pull myself up through really crazy odds many times and they expect me to do that again.
why do they think i keep falling so hard and tragically?
they want to play games or something. this is not a game anymore and hasn't been.
i know they can not really understand, but some of you do.
this a very serious real problem.
some of you have the same issue too.
i've really only seen in a few posts where i thought some one was being judgemental or self-righteous.
our problem here is about alcohol addiction. and everything else that feeds that.
there is also a spiritual dilemma i am witnessing.
it's like a bribe
i'll give you this & that for cheap easy spirituality
& end up sick
just to put my guard down
and try to feel the spirit
many alcoholics are spiritual people
that is what they crave
it may not be so welcoming to feel the next few days though
transitioning back to sober land
i know there is more to me than just my thoughts
I don't even know how i feel right now.
the food was good though, we agreed on that.
i know i need to make a daily commitment to this for at least a year.
i've trashed my life over & over, they've seen that part, but they don't really want me spending all of this time trying to get help or working on my problem.
after how many times they've seen my life go to garbage, they still expect that this is a problem i could clean up quickly.
there is more to it than just drinking or not drinking.
i'm grateful that i've seen the same thing happen with so many other people here. where the addiction swallows us. there's more to it than i've seen anyone actually articulate, but i've seen by example.
i feel i need to work at this on a daily basis for a while and make this a priority.
i need to make recovery a priority right now, above anything else.
my parents don't seem to want to believe that. after how much of life has been wasted, our family and money has been wasted, they don't seem to want to believe that i need to make my life all about recovery right now.
i'm drinking a beer right now! hello?
i tried explaining things could actually get worse.
they have actually seen me pull myself up through really crazy odds many times and they expect me to do that again.
why do they think i keep falling so hard and tragically?
they want to play games or something. this is not a game anymore and hasn't been.
i know they can not really understand, but some of you do.
this a very serious real problem.
some of you have the same issue too.
i've really only seen in a few posts where i thought some one was being judgemental or self-righteous.
our problem here is about alcohol addiction. and everything else that feeds that.
there is also a spiritual dilemma i am witnessing.
it's like a bribe
i'll give you this & that for cheap easy spirituality
& end up sick
just to put my guard down
and try to feel the spirit
many alcoholics are spiritual people
that is what they crave
it may not be so welcoming to feel the next few days though
transitioning back to sober land
i know there is more to me than just my thoughts
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,062
Well now, that part is over....
Next step ntmu is to put the beer down, take a shower and get some rest so you can start the commitment to recovery that you have just made for yourself here.
Wishing you all the strength you need in your journey and hoping you surround yourself with great support and wisdom (that can't always be family unfortunately....)
There are great people here as you know and I hope that you can re-read some of the supportive posts already offered to you here as a start in your recovery!
My best to you!
Next step ntmu is to put the beer down, take a shower and get some rest so you can start the commitment to recovery that you have just made for yourself here.
Wishing you all the strength you need in your journey and hoping you surround yourself with great support and wisdom (that can't always be family unfortunately....)
There are great people here as you know and I hope that you can re-read some of the supportive posts already offered to you here as a start in your recovery!
My best to you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 210
so what's the plan? do you have a plan for sobriety? if you decide you want what we have then commit to a alcohol free lifestyle. I say lifestyle because you can't compartmentalize your sobriety to AA meetings and I say commit because its a lot of work. You said you enjoy AA; so I suggest its time for you to structure a plan with some help. Here's what worked for me and millions of others and unless you're super special it will work for you too. If you don't like this plan use Google and come up with one because there's no sense is flailing against the tide because you're sure to go under.
1. Don't drink
2. Go to AA
3. Get a temporary sponsor
4. Work the 12 steps with your temp sponsor
5. Get a permanent sponsor
this web site helped me and take what you want and ignore the rest. Self Sabotaging Thoughts
I hope you find peace and sobriety
1. Don't drink
2. Go to AA
3. Get a temporary sponsor
4. Work the 12 steps with your temp sponsor
5. Get a permanent sponsor
this web site helped me and take what you want and ignore the rest. Self Sabotaging Thoughts
I hope you find peace and sobriety
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