LexieCat

I was in MM for four and a half years. In all that time, I encountered literally a handful of people who successfully and happily moderated their drinking over the long term.

I stay connected with a group of people from MM who decided moderation would never work for them, so they decided to quit altogether. Some (like me) are now in AA, others use SMART or other programs/techniques and some have put together something of their own that works for them.

If you do MM, I urge you to be BRUTALLY honest with yourself about whether you are progressing. I spent four and a half years kidding myself that I was "working on" my drinking problem, but in the meantime it got steadily worse until I could finally no longer deny that my life had become completely unmanageable.

TrixMixer

Artic,

I got where you were going, Artic, when I wrote the above quote.

This is exactly what I have tried to understand. SR is a forum for those who are seeking sobriety, and is made up of members who only want to spare others the hell they have gone through

We are not here for you to tell us we are wrong--we are never wrong, because we are relating our own experiences. When you hear over and over that drinking in moderation is dangerousis and rarely works, you can challenge it all you want, but you are ONLY CONVINCING YOURSELF that you are right in the way you Want to handle your drinking.

All we can say to this is "so be it and good luck"---we will be here either way if your way works or doesn't.

That is what these devoted people do. We are not the ones Lying to you, but you MAY be.

Wishing you success !
TrixMixer

Fallow

For me, the answer is yes.

I have puked blood in the past.

I had tried to cut back many times before my drinking escalated to that point.

Have you ever tried to cut back in the past?

If the answer is yes it obviously didnt work.

What is different this time?

ntmu

This thread was becoming very helpful for me, all of your experiences help reinforce why I should not drink again. Though the thread also started becoming upsetting to me as well & was starting to feel she would, justifiably, react like that even before she did. Everyone getting up on there soapboxes and saying the same thing over & over is helpful to an extent, but it wasn't a conversation with her, the person, anymore and most people that seek help prefer love over fear. This is a newcomer's post and you chased her out the door while asking for help. I know how important it is to take sobriety seriously, but so is her simple desire to not drink, one day at a time. This scaring people, morbid approach helps on occasions, but so does encouraging people to think & see for themselves.
I'm new here too so forgive me for not knowing all the rules you people play by, but my desire is to quit drinking, knowing I could never really convert all of my thinking or beliefs to model someone else's, I would not want to impose mine on someone else who is not interested.
Yes, sorry for the poorly worded post, I'm not writing a novel here.

LexieCat

With all due respect, nobody chased anyone out the door.

Arctic chose to try to moderate her drinking. That's her privilege. But nobody here can help her do that because we are unable to do it ourselves. Moreover, the overwhelming experience here is that it does not work for someone who drinks like she does.

I wish her, and anyone in her position, the best. But I can't in good conscience recommend that she try it, and I'm not going to say it will be fine, because, sadly, sometimes it isn't.

She knows where to find us if she wants to quit again.

peanut44

I didn't see anyone getting up on their soap boxes nor did i see anyone using scary or morbid approaches.

What i gathered from the posts was pure honesty, not sugar coated and a whole lot of really good suggestions.

It's totally up to her what she does with that.
Also now that i think about it, I did see alot of l love.

The reality of addiction is a scary thing in and of itself!!

I'm glad you have gotten some help from this site tho. I know i have!!=)

gratefulkp

Right on, ntmu. That is exactly what happened to me when I attended my first few meetings 20 or so years ago. They scared the hell out of me and made me feel like I didn't belong. Well, I didn't belong there, but I did occasionally find the place I did belong. Why has no one told this girl that it isn't a life sentence. We can be cured. Whether we can ever drink again or not isn't important, we just can't drink today. I can't worry about the rest of my life unless I make it through the first day of the rest of my life..today. You are doing great, Artic, and you are right where you are supposed to be. Stick around. Don't be afraid to share, it really helps.

ClearLight

ntmu:
But what they need is honesty. Respectful, caring and compassionate honesty.
And that's what people offered up to Arctic.
She choose a different path than the folks here recommended to her.
These folks would have been only doing her harm to simply pat her on the back and lie to her.
Sobriety for addicts is tough. The addict has to be extremely honest. Those helping the addict have to be honest.
As has been said Arctic is always welcome back. And she will always be given the respect that requires honesty.

Xune

I'll bite, what were you cured from?



You consider someone who was vomiting up blood due to their alcohol consumption, who sought help from other addicts and who within a few days of stopping drinking is trying to find ways to justify continuing to drink...as doing great?

I have a very different opinion of what ' doing great is.'

DIYman

I've been moderating for the last 3 years or so, with varying degrees of success. On average I'm below the UK maximum recommended weekly intake of 21 units.

The problem I've found is that moderation takes so much effort. It didnt get any easier. The hangovers got worse. So far (Day 21), quitting completely hasn't required any more effort, and I suspect its going to get easier.

paul99

1) I chased myself out the door many times, unable to grasp that to drink was to die. I only wanted to hear what I wanted to hear, and it got me drunk again.

2) No on scares here - there are no boogieman tactics. People here share their experiences only. Poll enough people and you will have an alarming amount of funerals and hospital visits tallied up. People die from alcoholism. Reminders of this come up all the time. It's unfortunate, and we just want to stop even one more death.

3) You are right that we can't, nor should we, impose something on someone. And if someone is not interested, they are not interested. If they are open to ideas and points of view, they are shared in a respectful way.

Lost3000

This is a valid question. I haven't read thru all the posts yet but am very interested in your (the OPs) answer.

I mean, you knew drinking gave you headaches and bad sleep and all, so you drank again, felt the same things. So what's to keep you from doing it over and over again? I feel this is the same insanity I lived that finally made me realize I'm an alcohlic.

Lost3000

Oh gosh. I don't know what to say. It's weird seeing your posts. Because I feel like you are me!! Just over a year ago. I felt the same way. I just couldn't see. And everyone here kept posting to me what they are posting to you. I guess it's like some have said, you just aren't ready. Honestly, it wasn't until I had seriously had ENOUGH that I quit for good. I stopped seeing myself having a drink 3 months out. I somehow realized that I was never going to drink again.

Now, when I did quit, thinking that way was tough. Too tough. So I pushed those thoughts away. I quit worrying about the "never again" thing. I began to write a lot. I wrote a lot when I drank too, which turned out to be a very good thing. Whenever I start to think, hey, I wasn't that bad, I just look back at my writings.

When you get to the point that you've finally had enough, I urge you to come back and look at your posts. It's strangely therapeutic. I wish you the best, I really do, but sadly, I don't think you are done with your drinking career. I hope that you can quit before it's too late.

Oh, and you should read Diary of an Alcholic Housewife. She talks about how she had quit drinking when she was pregnant and all. This is a huge myth that's propelling women similar to you into thinking they don't have an issue - because they quit for the 9 months. There are several books out there written by women who did the same.

I once quit too for 62 days. But it was easy because I knew that on day 63 I was going to drink again. It's MUCH harder when you don't have a drinking date. And I guess to me, that's even more proof that I'm a drunk. It shouldn't be so hard to go without, you know?

Lost3000

Yeah, um, no. Look, I'm really glad you are here. This is a forum, lots of people are on here. Take a deep breath, and think. Spend a few days thinking about this. Especially the one post that made you super mad. This is a very irritating thing that someone once told me and it turned out to be true, even more irritating: If someone says something that makes you really mad, think hard about it, because likely you are mad because there is some truth in it.

I know, irritating. I am a year sober and this stuff gets to me big time. Especially when I realize that person was right.

Don't just run out of here because of one poster. Keep posting your thoughts, it will help you, trust me.

Windancer

My bf tried that with me several years ago. He really regrets it, and so do I.
I didnt fly...at all, and I ended up stealing booze, hiding booze, sneaking booze etc.

Lost3000

Awesome reminder. Yes, sobriety has been awesome!! I can't even begin to explain the type of freedom I feel, almost every day. Some days suck, when work stuff happens, or I argue with my husband. The thing about it is that those feelings don't last nearly as long as they used to. It's very fleeting, like hours, instead of days/weeks. I no longer wake up feeling depressed. Today I woke up in pain from a pulled muscle I got in yoga, yes yoga. But I feel so happy!!! I'm psyched to go see my friends at AA during the lunch hour. I'm hoping I feel better to get to the gym with my husband tonight. Life is great.

I can hardly get my enthusiasm of life across on this post. I quit on Jan. 1, 2012 and I don't ever want to be back where I was when I drank. The darkness inside of me was horrible and I was to the point where I was done with this life. I have no DUIs, no criminal record. I own a nice house, a nice car, own nice things. I make a good salary, have a great career. Didn't lose any of that stuff as a result of my drinking. I didn't wake up drinking, I wasn't a bum. I never drank before 5PM. Except on weekends. And that's where my drinking was getting bad, and creeping in more and more. The point I'm trying to make is, I wasn't like the typical drunk - but yet I was/am.

ArcticSA

Lost3000
I guess I dont exactly know what my answer is. I suppose what I've deduced from everyones answers/opinions is that I am not ready to quit for good. As angry as that makes everyone(and I completely understand that) Im just not.
It makes everyone upset because THEY KNOW it wont work.Because THEY have BEEN there. I haven't.
Not to undermine my symptoms but I need to clarify as one poster stated I had to go to the ER, I never did.I had my liver tested, its great, I had a whole physical, Im perfectly healthy. Frankly my doc was not near as concerned as I thought he would be about the puking blood(in fact I had to remind him)he thought it might be and ulcer, but didnt think it needed to even be checked out, also since the puking was self-induced it just as well could've been my nail scraping my throat.Yeah not good I know, but I had the spins.

Anyway Ive always been stubborn and I just need to see for myself I guess.
The truth is drank beer at night to ease boredom,anxiety,irratibilty,etc.
The funny thing is that anxiety,irritability is reduced almost 100% from not drinking!!
So as of right now I have gone 9 days with one wine drinking episode and that is great for me. Just fine with me.
OH and someone asked if I'd tried to cut back before. The answer is no, not seriously. Last time I posted here,(when I thought I was ready to be done for good) in Nov. I was even more woefully naive and when I'd made it 6 days I actually told myself I obviously have NO problem and proceeded to binge drink every night then on out.
I feel so much better right now all clean and sober, and when I think of slamming 10 beers tonight it makes my stomach turn and makes me very mentally uncomfortable. Because I KNOW I was drinking too much, making myself fat,sick, and miserable.
So I am QUITTING that behavior. I KNOW I cant rely on alcohol to fix my problems and make me feel artificially good!
I know if I keep drinking like that it will hurt me, maybe even kill me.
2 cases a week!?!? YUK YUK YUK!!!!

That is why I am done with that. So am I absolutely never gonna have another drink? Never another buzz? Nope.
Wrong answer I know, but, I will find out for myself.
Im ready to go a good long time sober,after all I feel fantastic! Who knows maybe I wont even feel like getting drunk again?I dunno.

But yeah I cant leave this site, it is too valuable, and you all are so very wise!

SavingSelf

I just wanted to wish you luck with whatever you decide. I agree that you have to want to stop drinking completely to stop drinking completely. I encourage you to stay here and post, read as much as you want. You won't be able to get moderation advice here because we aren't a moderation site. But there are those around so I'm sure you can find them if you look.

I do think that drinking once in 9 days is way better than 2 cases a week. At my highest I didn't get to two cases a week. Then again I had a partner who didn't want me drinking to excess. If left to my own I am sure I could have gotten there quickly.

Hang in there and take it one day at a time. Each time trying to quit is a learning experience, that is for sure. It took me many, many times.

Lost3000

Well, I for one have the opinion you are not ready - but that's just an opinion. I don't know you, don't know your situation. Maybe you are ready - who knows? If so, that'd be great! You could stop now and prevent any possible heartache, problems. You could begin to live the life that I know can be great without booze! Or not.

Me, personally: I'm not mad that you aren't ready. Actually, it makes me feel a little sad. I think what you might be reading as anger is really frustration. Others like me have been sober a bit longer and see the sober life as great! They want you there too.

You being here is an IMMENSE help to me. This might sound really bad to you, but seeing where you are at keeps me sober another day. I don't want to be where you are. I'm in a totally different place. I honestly believe my place is much better! Only because I don't have to do the tango with drinking as you are. No questions on how much I'll drink, or when, or moderating, or whatever. I'm done. I will not drink again. Finished. Fini. And I'm fine with it!

Well, give my question some thought. It's, what's different now? What makes you think you can moderate now when you have not in the past?

I didn't read a post by you about the ER --- but I'm not really all that interested in the ER, or your doc, or puking, or whatever. What speaks far more volumes to me is the fact that you are posting here. Think my normie husband could somehow meander onto this site? Heck no. Why would he? He's normal. He doesn't think about drinking, or seeing his doc for it, or puking, or ulcers. He had 2 freaking drinks last year. And I don't think he finished the 2nd one. Annoying.

Stubborn is a common trait for us alkies. That's why we are alkies, it's a symptom of being one. And yes, you definitely have to find your own way. I wholeheartedly believe that. But on your way - you can come and post here and see what others think, maybe get some of your ideals challenged, maybe think about things differently.

You know, I thought I was terrified of flying. Thought I needed drugs to do it because booze wasn't working. I found out later booze was making it far worse! And I fly all the time, internationally. Long flights. Terrifying when I was drunk. I just kept drinking more, thinking eventually I'd bliss out. Now that I'm sober, I don't have one tenth of the anxiety I used to have.

So, question - why were you posting here before in Nov? Have you gone back to read those posts? They can be really interesting, eye opening.

There is no wrong/right answer. It's all a personal thing. You saying you aren't going to not drink again is not a wrong or right answer. It's certainly wrong for me. I mean, deathly, horribly wrong for me. But for you, I dunno.

Unfortunately, I think until you've found "your way", you will want to drink again. It's just another facet of alcoholism. Short term memory. You start to feel great again! And then think you are ok and drink again. It's insanity for sure. To think you can keep doing the same thing and somehow come out different. But again, gotta find your own way. I'm rooting for you!!

Lost3000

Just read your puke thread. I really, really think you ought to read ALL of your past posts. I found this one in particular very telling: "Going tomorrow. Im going to tell my doc I have a problem,and Im going to start AA."