MIRecovery

I have tried moderation enough times to know how exhausting it is. It was in the worst of both worlds. I could not have what I wanted because I wanted more than I could have. It was like teasing a pit bull constantly in fear of one day it would get out of the fence I had built.

finalquit100

You are on this forum, responding regularly, past alcohol consumption in your own words., if that is not alcoholism then what the hell it is??

I don't know you, that's why I referred you as "lady".

Hope you find your way out. Good Luck girl/lady/whatever

Our conversation has lost traction of any meaningfulness. so I am over and out.

Rachelmichelle

I don't think it's about missing his drinking buddy. Your husband sounds exactly like my other half, who is a wonderful well-intentioned man. My fiance loves me and wants to experience date nights with a cocktail or two, wine tastings, nights out with friends where we each have a glass of champagne, a couple of laughs and call it a night. I would love to give him these normal experiences with alcohol, but I am incapable. Like so many others, I want my own bottle because I don't see the point in simply having one glass. So my only option has been to stop drinking completely. If your husband is as great as you say, he'll understand when you let him know that there is no wiggle room. Either you drink too much or not at all, but you should make the decision and not waver.

Xune

Do people without drinking problems get scared about their drinking, find a forum full of addicts and then post a desperate plea for help?

Xune

Alcohol was destroying everything good in my life and would absolutely have sent me to an early grave.

I was a full blown drunk and I've got to tell ya that I don't find consuming eight beers in one sitting laughable.

This addiction kills a lot of people, approximately 80,000 Americans a year.

MyTimeNow

I'm glad you're still here Artic

I've been on this site what 7-8 months? It's only recently I have seen a real backlash against anybody trying to moderate.

I took from your post that you were going to abstain then have a couple on your anniversary. What I hoped in reading this was, during and throughout abstinence you would get that far that you wouldn't need to drink on your anniversary anyway.

I still recommend you abstain for a good long while though, you were puking blood, you were not enjoying it, you didn't feel comfortable with the Friday night 'tester'

Going back to my first sentence and the backlash thing... not too many months ago we had a poster with a long running thread who was cutting his alcohol down daily, and posted in units, then how many days off, then would drink again, then would stop again. It must have been exhausting for him, but there was a lot of support for him. He disappeared due to the 'I know best' negative comments and feeling like some sort of failure. I often wonder how he is doing now.

I would hate to see you leave because of the same. I can't preach to you. I can't make you stop drinking. Heck - I can't make you do anything, because I have no control over you. But... If posting here means one night not drinking, or if you want to post for a rant because you want to drink, or even if you did drink - then I'm here all ears, because that's what I got when I first joined and you deserve the same. The fact that you are posting is a great thing.

You do have support Artic

Xune

This is a 'sober' recovery forum.

Not a moderation management forum.

People are simply sharing their experiences and giving their honest opinions. Not a single person has told the OP to go away.

She made a very strong and impassioned first post. She has since back tracked on what she first said.

I'm not an expert, but isn't it fairly common for addicts who're in denial to downplay how bad their problem is?

I just can't believe that 8 months ago, SR members congratulated and encouraged addicts as they continued drinking.

You know what's better than sugar coating?

Honesty.

TrixMixer

Hi ArticaSA,

I am not saying a word....but I must say I think you would very much enjoy reading the Thread heading on pg.3 here entitled "Help I've Fallen and I can't get up" started by me.

If I have irked you at all it will be very rewarding read. I got a number of people telling me the same thing bolded above.

...but the important part is the truthfulness of the posters that are not aimed at you or anyone. It is simple real life experiences with moderation.
My Question was "Why do people believe they can actually try moderation"

Wonderful, truthful answers , with a great deal of painful learning the hard way. You will like it some actually call me "patonizing" and " rude". The results were what mattered.
Please take a chance and read through it.

Sincerely ,
TRIXMIXER

ArcticSA

Xune you took that one sentence out of my conversation with Saving Self and made it sound like something its not.
Im obviously not saying drinking 8 beers is funny, and obviously I know it kills people.
What I was referring to was Saving Selfs' OBSERVATION that it is about perspective. And on a hard-drinking night being horrified by 8 beers would be laughable to ME. Which is what I said.

Xune

Actually, I chose that sentence deliberately.

Only an addict or a person with a serious drinking problem would think 8 beers in one sitting was laughable.

I used to drink anywhere from 55 to 70 + 473 ml beers a week.

When I was a drunk, I'd also laugh at eight beers being considered a lot. I used drink 8 beers before going out to a party or a bar.

That's my point, when I was a drunk, I shared your perspective.

Now that I've accepted I'm an addict and accepted that alcohol is no longer an option, those 8 beers are seen for what they are.

Dangerous.

Dee74

Lets all chill a little, and remember that we're all on the same team

ArcticSA, everyone here, in their own way, is trying to help...but in the end all we can offer is advice.

if some responses are bothering you, we have an ignore function

Moderation never worked for me, because I never drank moderately ever.

Some people simply can't moderate - alcohol changes us, & it destroys all those good intentions we have before that first sip.

Moderation was a skill I never mastered, because I'm not made that way...I have no off switch - but it took me 20 years of pain and loss to accept that.

I'll be honest - I remember your recent posts - you were really sick....
you sound an awful lot like the type of drinker I was, Arctic.

I wouldn't be doing you any favours by not saying that here....

or by suggesting that I thought you trying to moderate drinking is a good idea - I don't think it is.

I'm not trying to beat you up.

People come here for support - but sometimes the best support is not what people want to hear....

But...the decisions on what to do are always yours and I wish you well whatever you decide

D

ArcticSA

Yes,yes. I know, I know. I suppose I will find out. Is it possible to close this thread? I think it is exhausted, and it's exhausting me.

finalquit100

There is big difference in moderation and sobriety. For alcoholics its same as two different side of coin. For alcoholics, either you are sober or you don't., there is no midway of moderation. That option was long burnt when we became alcoholic.I know many folks drink in moderation but they were not alcoholic anytime, that's big difference between them and alcoholics.

Moderation is like pushing alcoholic in life long balancing act on wobbly ball, one misstep would throw him/her in old known addicted world and possibly never to come back on moderation as its too hard to manage. Why would anybody want to stay so close to evil(alcohol) by moderation., its just matter of time when it will break the wall and enter your life.

That's what I learned so far on this SR. This is great forum, with wonderful folks around with great advice. I strongly believe moderation is NOT a option for alcoholics., no matter what.

MyTimeNow

Search for posts by Pauladmits...

I NEVER said anybody congratulated him. What is it with putting words into my mouth?

But a lot supported him.

Recovery is a personal journey for everybody. If only it was so easy as to say - here do it my way - problem solved.

MyTimeNow

Please point out where I said encouraged and congratulated.

Dee74

Closed by OP request.