Luling

My first meeting: I got in my car and went to the bookstore instead.

My second meeting: I drove by the church where they were having it, and the building is huge! I didn't want to have to walk in and ask one of the church ladies which room the AA meetings were being held in. So I drove on by.

My third meeting: It was in a smaller church this time. Do they even cut their grass? I drove on by.

My fourth meeting: Back to the smaller church with the unkempt lawn. I sat in the parking lot and watched people gathering outside the main doors. It was a small group. None of them appeared to be two-headed mutants. (whew!) They all appeared to be friends, and I didn't want to intrude. One of them saw me and nodded in my direction, so I did what anyone would do: I took off.

I don't even know if AA is something I want to do, but I'm curious and I really need a support system or something. I'm not even sure I want to work the 12 steps (moral inventory? Where's the fun in that? -- j/k), but I want to go and listen and be open minded. I read the article someone posted about attending the first AA meeting, so I know that I'm being very silly over here. I just can't make myself get out of the car.

ANYWAY. I'm going to do it. Thursday or Friday morning, depending on when my neighbor can babysit my toddler. That's why I'm posting; I'm putting it out there that I'm going to go. I need all the help and support I can get, and it's free and won't kill me to just go sit down and listen. Maybe I'll even try that step-thingy, who knows.

Sapling

Have you ever heard of anyone being attacked at an AA meeting Luling?....It doesn't happen...Pray or whatever you do for the courage to walk in...And get ready to meet some of the nicest people you will ever meet.

CupofJoe

Hi Luling,

I did the same thing! I walked by many meetings before I had the nerve to go in. My heart used to be in my chest, pounding a million miles an hour.

I finally just decided to go for it and walked right in and sat down. I didn't say a word--I was too terrified--but it was a good experience. I ran out immediately afterwards, but that first meeting was the hardest.

Many--if not most of us--have had that exact same fear. If you let people know you're new, many people will want to help you. We know what it's like.

My life has been transformed for the better by getting sober through AA: going to meetings, getting a sponsor, doing the steps, continuing to practice them. I have a full, good life now and I credit it with getting the courage to walk through those doors for the first time.

How much you want to participate is up to you. It's free and you can talk and engage or you can sit quietly and listen.

I wish you all the best on your journey. You aren't alone on it.

Jeni26

Hi Luling,
Been home from work 10 minutes, had a sandwich, and now heading out to a meeting. that's how important they are to me.
AA isn't for everyone I know, but I can only tell you my experience which is a really positive one. I was petrified before going for the first time, sat outside in the car shaking. They really look after you in there, and they love newcomers. Give it a shot! I will go into more detail of what to expect if you want to PM me. In a rush at the mo.
Nothing to lose, and everything to gain I reckon!xxx

ACT10Npack

If you don't feel conformable in greets then have you ever thought about alcohol/drug counselor? You can get it one on one so you don't have to worry about other people. It's just a thought.

FredG

I love your story Luling - reminds me of mine. I kept making excuses too. AA isn't just a 12 step thingy its also a group of people from all walks of life that help each other get and stay sober. That being said there are also several other ways of doing it too. Can't speak to them as I don't know anything about them, but there are lots here who can.

I'm somewhat biased towards AA as it took the drunken SOB that I was, took the drunken part out and then over time fixed the SOB part. ... OK so it's taken most of that part.

Over time I've also developed a great circle of people that are sincerely interested in being friends with me and I live a life now that never would have believed possible back when I was drinking.

Luling

I like the idea of the other methods too; in fact I find them more in line with my own thinking than AA. But I'm a very social person, and I know that what I need is to be around supportive people. If I have sober people in my life supporting me, I think I can do this. I'm not doing well right now on my own.

FlyerFan

You sound just like me. It took me a month to finally go to a meeting and it took me another month to actually get myself out of the car. Lol. Finding a friend to go with may be helpful, but only if you're comfortable with that. I went with a co-worker who happened to be in the program. Now I love going. And it is fun at times.

Luling

Thanks Jen, I might PM you later. I might need a little shove.

Luling

Lol -- well, no. I suppose not ...

FredG

Then you need to do something "If you want what you've never had, then you need to do something you've never done"

For me, AA was a place I could go that didn't judge me on moral grounds, or any other grounds for that matter. Why would they? Each and every one of them were there for the exact same thing I was. In short, not only did I find friends to help me get sober, but I also found acceptance.

Sapling

That's exactly what I said when I walked into my first meeting...I went to one this morning and I'm leaving in an hour with some friends to take a meeting to some small town that doesn't have one....We go out there and try to give people some hope....People like you.

Jitterbugg

The first AA meeting is kind of like the first day at a new school and you're the new kid. However, instead of brat kids, AA has welcoming adults that share a common purpose. Just do it! You won't regret it.

oinobares

Returning to meetings after "going back out" (my most recent relapse), I was sweating profusely and trembling. A huge part of my being tried to convince me I should be lying on the couch instead. At the end of those meetings the sweating and trembling were gone--I felt physically better, and serene in my mind.

It is well worth powering through the resistance, the myriad excuses that at least my mind raced through, to not walking into that room.

heath480

luling can you phone the helpline in your area? Here if you called we would put you in contact with a person in your area of the same sex.They would speak to you first and take you to the first meeting or meet you outside.You dont have to do it on your own.

Luling

Thanks Sapling. You're always so encouraging, and I really appreciate it.
Now if I can just get out of my car ...

Luling

There's a number on the site. Maybe I'll try it, because this would be great. Thanks!

Sapling

I wish I was there to take you in...I am in spirit.

FlyerFan

Yes, if you meet someone outside it is much easier to walk into the room together.

Casmasta

I find I do this with a lot of things in my life..
Working out..
Taking classes..
I remember when I was around 11, I stayed in the bathroom at a swim class at the YMCA for the entire class. My father wasn't happy with me, but I was terrified.

There's a huge degree of social anxiety for me, which also comes into play for my drinking.. I drank to quell a lot of that.

I had a friend to take me into my first meeting, thank goodness, and she has been going with me for the last 3 weeks. I honestly think I'm still too terrified to go by myself yet.

I'm so glad there's a number to call to get someone to go with you. I think that would help a lot..