Hollyanne

Domenica,
I am sorry you feel this way.
I had 53 days, 8,,5,10,28 etc. OH! and 2 years before, when I just didn't need any more help, and was cured!
I learned from each fall. I knew that It was going to stick eventually.
The last time, over 500 days ago now, I realised that I was allowing the conversation in my head. What you call that "Addictive Voice".
I imagined someone coming up to me and in a sly, creepy way, suggesting that we hurt my niece/nephew. Now that would not happen. That guy would have a brick landed in his face very quick! "Get away from me you freak! How dare you!". It is the same with the drinking suggestion, "You are no friend of mine! Get away!". It worked. Shut it down!
The other thing was, I had been giving in because I was uncomfortable, stressed, lonely etc.....
I decided/ figured out, that "Tough! So you suffer! Get on with it! It is NOT fun, but it is worth the struggle."
Get mad at this thing and beat it.
About the sponsor, steps etc.
Don't worry about a sponsor just now. Take advice and friendship and support from everyone in the rooms. I had a few women who I spoke to, went to mtgs with, leaned on. I wasn't the best judge by then anyway, so settling on someone so soon would have been a mistake. The first one I considered as really good sponsor material, turned out to be not so much! Other newcomers were very important at this stage. Not people who were uncommitted, but people like me, who were trying.

Re, the steps; Steps are for later (IMO).
The first three are important, leave the rest until you have some time under your belt.
Keep it simple.
The most important thing at this stage, is that you stop drinking.
Oh, and put down the stick. That is not in any program.
Anne

InsertNameHere

Tried to send you a PM to see how you were doing this morning but your box is full.

So how are you doing this morning Dominica?

Sapling

Can you show me one place in the Big Book where it says that?...I must have missed that...Or I thoroughly followed the path...I'm not sure which...

Hollyanne

Sorry Domenica,
BIGGEST help at the beginning for me, was
H.A.L.T
Do not let yourself get
Hungry,
Angry,
Lonely,
Tired.
Very helpful, and simple. Often, for a craving, it is that simple.
Anne

2granddaughters

Good advice Hollyanne.

In my alcoholic thinking when the going got tough I pushed harder, not slowed down.

I heard that slogan at the AA meeting, I hear what I need at the AA meeting (if I show up and sit still long enough).

All the best to everyone.

Bob R

hypochondriac

Do you really? I hope not as I'm using a bit of everything, anything that keeps me sober in that moment. I'm no authority tho as I'm only a month sober but surely you should use what's best for you. In these early days for me my priority is staying sober, everything else comes second.

Don't beat yourself up about this, you are not incapable you are just a normal person living a stressful life and just haven't found what works for you yet.

Big hugs and best of luck x

coming_clean

Dom?
Nederlands?

I'm a continuous relapses with weed for eight years now, only trough failure we're learning the right things for succes

ovrock

The good news is: It was a six pack and not bottles of booze.... Minor lapse, don;t beat urself up too much... You'll be awrite

keithj

Probably nothing, except being controlled by a deep obsession that short circuits the normal functioning of will power.

Your experience is typical, not the exception.

llastchance8

Hi Dom, 1st of all, your 20 days have not gone as waste at all. They will remain as a reminder for you that you could do it for 20 days . If you think this way, your anger will be less and less strong.

Now, from your posts , it seems that the major reason for the relapse was ' Stress " . As Dee mentioned, Alcohol does not relieve stress, it introduces more stress . Why ? When we pick our 1st drink and 2nd and 3rd and so on, our mind changes the perspective and takes us away from reality. Once , we wake up, the reality comes back but with more profound effect because, previous night we tried to escape from reality using alcohol. So the end result is more and more stress and the vicious cycle.

Keep trying. Each day we can remain sober, adds multiple fold happiness to our life.

freshstart57

Dominica, will you clear out your inbox please?

Here is something that helped me - There is a simple reason that I can say no forever to alcohol, very very simple. I must. Ponder that for a bit - it is not a trivial thing I just wrote there. We all have whole barrel full of 'musts', Dominica, and you can think about yours. I dumped the whole idea of drinking right into that barrel.

Self hate is one of the benefits that came with my addiction, and it made it easy for me to continue to drink. Do not do that, don't hate on yourself. You are someone who deserves to be sober, I can tell. I know that as a truth, sure as the sun rose this morning. You can have your very own sobriety and everything that comes with it. Just reach a little, and take it.

omegasupreme

If a 12 step fellowship is of interest then here is an invitation to join us in the 12 step section.

Also, if you need some AA women to get hooked in with in Texas hit me up.

Dominica2

Thanks everyone. I guess I deserve the hangover I have this morning, terrible headache ( off of a 6 pack no less). I am going to start again, today. This has definitely a wake up to call as to why I HAVE to quit drinking. Thank you all so much for the kind words and support. It's apparent this isn't really going to be a good day. It's ok, I deserve it. I cannot thank you all enough for everything.

Dom.

Bledsoe

You are the only one who has control over your emotions. If you want it to be a good day, make it so.

InsertNameHere

Drink a couple of glasses of water even if you aren't thirsty and take an excedrin you should be fine. Also eating a bannanna helps. Just think that a while ago you were able to operate after tripple that the day before, just goes to show you how efed up we truly were when normal was so much worse than what you are describing as "terrible" now. Take it as a reminder, and move on Dom, you got this.

freshstart57

On the contrary, Dominica. You are in a better place today than yesterday simply because you were going to drink yesterday. You can have great days like today all the time, you deserve them! Your Gramma needs you to be present now, and you need to be present for you too.

Hollyanne

Headache/hangover will pass.
Day one.
Lessons learned.
Is your grandmother living with you?
Try to make a reasonable plan for all your commitments, including YOU-TIME.
You might feel guilty, but it actually leaves you with more to give, not less.
Also, it is nice that you have people who care. They may not be able to understand everything you are going through. That is what AA and SR are for.
Make it so you enjoy the time with them. Do fun things.
If grandmother is not well, you can sit with her and read.
Take a nap with your child.
Naps are on my mind lately! lol
Anne

dalycity

Dont be so hard on your self we all make mistakes just pick your self up and start over ..Its going to be ok and stop telling yourself your stupid .. Your not any of thoes things .. Smile because your going to make it ..

Maples

Same here, 20 days is really, really hard to do. You hit a bump in the road, you admitted it, and now you are back on track. Quitting is HARD.

nel68

Dominica I agree with everyone else, forgive yourself and start new...hang in there and don't keep beating yourself up its not gonna make you feel any better. Just say "okay it happen but I'm moving foward"... you have us for support any time