6palms

I know that this post will have a sh!tstorm of responses...but why do you coddle the failures (relapses) on this site? I would rather get pissed about getting their sh!t together and encouraging them to do it right and do it more focused...and get rid of the " welcome back bullish!t"

I know that I would be one of the posts since i have 6 days followed by a return to dridrink, but it's almost like...we knew you'd be back, try to go longer before you fail this time.

Venting...obviously...but wondering how healthy it is...

MycoolFitz

Actually not pissed off just more sorry for closed minds and small hearts. I went nearly 1o months and now am walking the path again. Don't care if I'm welcomed back or not, doing it for me. All my best to you.

Holly7

Some people don't ever make it back here. We welcome them back because they take ownership of there problem. This is a safe place to be honest. I don't think it would be doing any good if we just gave crap to everyone that relapsed when the person that relapsed is already beating themselves up.

Missy7

People return to SR because being here helps them stay sober. I suppose that it doesn't matter whether people are welcoming or nasty when we return. Except, perhaps that if people were nasty--we wouldn't be able to come back.

Why are you here?

6palms

I understand the welcome back, but it seems that it often becomes a " hey, great to see u back" party...there is always at least one poster who tries to hold them accountable, but it is usually drownded by a plethora of "welcome back" posts. Is it really "great to see them back?"

Our goal should be to NOT be back for a relapse...I Know I'm not one to speak, but...why?

stairs

It is my understanding that when it comes to drug and alcohol addiction, relapse is the rule, not the exception. If only the ones who put down their DOC and never picked up again were here, I wonder how many members there would be? And I don't think it's "bullsh!t" at all. It's people who care and understand.

MycoolFitz

We're alcoholics aboard the same fragle raft on stormy seas?

6palms

I appreciate the caring people on this site for sure, but your logic that people relApsing Is the rule, rather than the exception is telling.

InsertNameHere

I think I like the balance when I kept comming back after my 3-4 days of not drinking followed by my 5-6 days of drinking I had the people that were encouraging and the ones that were direct and kind of took a straight in my eye look at my faliure. Having them around helped a lot as I am used to harsh negitive criticisum. but a lot of people are not, and I understand that so I think the mix that you get here is good. Sure it is mostly all rainbows and butterflies but you get the one or two that put there foot down and say now look here sonny, those ones really helped me, as well as the people that just told me that they had made the same stupid mistakes in the begining and how they are in a better place now. SR is a stew you need all the ingredients to make it taste right even if that includes a little onion and garlic (I like to cook)

Jitterbugg

If we chastised them after a relapse it is the proverbial "pot calling the kettle black".

6palms

Thank you for your honest reply

6palms

????? I just think that sometimes we make it too easy to fail....we r all making bad decisions regarding alcohol...someone needs to say, "we love you but enough is enough".

12skiptomylue

It sounds like you want someone to be pissed with you? Or maybe, you are pissed with yourself for your relapse?

Missy7

I don't think anyone on SR has the ability to really control anyone else on SR. Holding their feet to the fire or exercising tough love is probably pretty ineffective.

I've had people be kind and I've had people be a little tough on me, but it has been a little risky when people have been hurtful. I'm not here because anyone here can actually affect me. And probably no one here has ever told me anything, good or bad, that I didn't already know. But people who are nasty make me less likely to come back.
And I need to come back because spending time on SR keeps me focused.

Why would you want anyone to risk that?

Just don't look at the posts that obviously discuss relapse.

Dee74

I try very hard never to forget how I felt the first day I came here - I was beaten I was terrified and I felt lower than a snakes belly.

I didn't need to be beaten around the head with my failures. I did that already.

I needed to know there was hope for me, that I really could do this - even if I didn't have the faith in myself then, I could have some faith in the others here who told me if I worked hard it would be ok.

If I'd received a slapping I'd probably have gone away and drunk some more - and probably be a statistic now.

I think it pays to remember we're dealing with people, y'know?

Noones 'celebrating failure' - I think we're celebrating the human spirit that never gives up in what is a huge task - to turn our lives around.

I've been here 5 years - I've been frustrated before but I know why I was.

I finally learned I'm not here to judge and I'm not here to save - I'm here to share my experience - we all are -...the rest, the real job, is up to the people we share with.

I'm interested to know why you seem so bent out of shape personally about this 6palms?

D

6palms

Again..I'm not one to point fingers. I understand that we need to encourage those who have slipped to get back on track. But it seems, at times, that we just make it too easy. I would rather have folks come back to say..it's day 45 and i haven't slipped! Lets go crazy for those folks!! The relapsers need to be welcomed back, but not celebrated...my opinion

InsertNameHere

The people that are "nasty" and I don't think that is the word I would use are not the people that bothered me here. the only ones that have bugged me a little, and for the record they are very few and far between, are the ones that deal in absolutes when it comes to thier particular brand of recovery. You all know the ones that say "you will fail if you don't go to a meeting right now, get a sponsor in the next five minutes and begin the steps a week ago you are already driking and just don't know it." Of course that is an exageration, but those kind of comments are the only ones that have "bothered" me here. Though I have read some new posters that got "attacked" on their first post by the people that are more dirrect than others, and didn't like it. As I said I am very accustomed to strong direct advice and critisim but most aren't hence the niceties being established until everyone gets to know a person, then the "dogs" can come out, and I mean that in the nicest way.

Holly7

I agree. Someone wants a little drama! just teasing.

6palms

INH, i have read several or ur posts and u seem very " realistic" regarding ur recovery efforts and ur shortcomings. That's all I hope for...let's be realistic..when someone "fails" let's pick them up, but not celebrate them...be careful of what we reinforce.

InsertNameHere

I could be wrong as I dont know what post specificaly you are referencing but I think the majority of "celebration" on this site has been not for the choice of drinking again but for the "bravery" or guts that it took the person in making the choice to come back and admit what they had done and give sobriety another crack. I know I have read from some of the old timers here on SR say that they feel bad when they see someone come on the site seem to be doing well and then they never hear from them again. When that happens they "know" what is going on. So when someone comes back even after an episode with thier DOC they are happy to see them again because at least they came back instead of fallin off the face of the SR world.