Celebrating failure....why
L'il fighter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Mississauga, Ontario
Posts: 297
Hmm. Interesting discussion. I don't think I've personally perceived anything here as "celebrating" a relapse, but as others have said, it seems more a welcoming back and encouragement to keep trying. And no doubt I've seen plenty of people get "firm" with members who seem to be unrealistic or somewhat delusional in their line of thinking (myself included).
But I don't for a second think that a supportive and compassionate attitude here at SR makes it "too easy" for people to relapse. I think you'd be giving this board WAAAAY too much credit in dictating whether someone will relapse or not. If someone is going to relapse and then conveniently point their finger at SR, then I think there's a serious lack of personal responsibility.
6palms, I'm getting the impression that you felt that you needed a firm kick-in-the-bum in terms of your relapse.
But I don't for a second think that a supportive and compassionate attitude here at SR makes it "too easy" for people to relapse. I think you'd be giving this board WAAAAY too much credit in dictating whether someone will relapse or not. If someone is going to relapse and then conveniently point their finger at SR, then I think there's a serious lack of personal responsibility.
6palms, I'm getting the impression that you felt that you needed a firm kick-in-the-bum in terms of your relapse.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by midgetcop 
6palms, I'm getting the impression that you felt that you needed a firm kick-in-the-bum in terms of your relapse.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,928
Originally Posted by Zebra1275
6palms,
It sounds like you are more concerned with the behavior of others, rather then your own. Are you in a program of recovery, like AA, that will help you develop the tools that you need to stay sober? I think that should be your focus.
At 6 days sober, you are not yet a wise sage whose wisdom through reflection and experience serves to guide others. God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth and one thing I try to do in my recovery is use them in that proportion.
I hope you don't, but at 6 days sober there's a pretty good chance you will relapse. If you do, come back here and this community will welcome you and share their collective experience, strength and hope so that sobriety will become permanent. There is a saying in AA that "we don't shoot our wounded."
It sounds like you are more concerned with the behavior of others, rather then your own. Are you in a program of recovery, like AA, that will help you develop the tools that you need to stay sober? I think that should be your focus.
At 6 days sober, you are not yet a wise sage whose wisdom through reflection and experience serves to guide others. God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth and one thing I try to do in my recovery is use them in that proportion.
I hope you don't, but at 6 days sober there's a pretty good chance you will relapse. If you do, come back here and this community will welcome you and share their collective experience, strength and hope so that sobriety will become permanent. There is a saying in AA that "we don't shoot our wounded."
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,928
Originally Posted by Nirvana1
For me, it's based off my own experience. I tried everything I could to cut down or quit drinking on my own will power. I was very stubborn and always thought I could figure out all the answers to my own problems. I probably suffered an extra 1,000 hangovers because of my unwillingness to seek help or ask for suggestions.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
I also will ditto TU's comment, and add I try to live by the 4 absolutes. Love, purity, honesty, and unselfishness. If you want someone to be ugly to the return person go ahead not me. 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,928
Originally Posted by 6palms
I know that this post will have a sh!tstorm of responses...
Originally Posted by 6palms
Is it really "great to see them back?"
Originally Posted by 6palms
I appreciate the caring people on this site for sure, but your logic that people relApsing Is the rule, rather than the exception is telling.
Originally Posted by 6palms
????? I just think that sometimes we make it too easy to fail....we r all making bad decisions regarding alcohol...someone needs to say, "we love you but enough is enough".
Originally Posted by 6palms
...let's be realistic..when someone "fails" let's pick them up, but not celebrate them...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by Charon
I tried everything - Campral, Naltrexone, Antabuse, therapy, outpatient, inpatient, and every other snake oil remedy (Rational Recovery et al).
I don't mind either way, but I do prefer clarity over ambiguity.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Some people do quit the first time out. There is at least one, I can tell you for sure. I am not sure if relapsing is part of recovery, I think it is part of drinking.
But on the other hand, 'There was much rejoicing of the lamb that once was lost', and so on like that. You might have heard only the welcome back party, but there is a strong contingent that will also say, Yes you are back and that is great, but what is going to be different this time?
But on the other hand, 'There was much rejoicing of the lamb that once was lost', and so on like that. You might have heard only the welcome back party, but there is a strong contingent that will also say, Yes you are back and that is great, but what is going to be different this time?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,928
Originally Posted by Terminally Unique
Charon, are you saying that all of the above are snake oil, or only RR?
I don't mind either way, but I do prefer clarity over ambiguity.
I don't mind either way, but I do prefer clarity over ambiguity.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 174
1) Bagging on people isn't productive. If all it took to beat addiction was to have people chastise you for your failures, addiction wouldn't exist. It's like a well-intentioned parent trying to shame their child into straightening out. It may be done out of love, but that doesn't make it work.
2) I don't see a relapse as failure. I see it as a bump in the road. As far as I'm concerned, I haven't failed until I give up trying. In the course of recovery, relapse is such a strong possibility that it needs to be accounted for & addressed. Again - what's more productive... giving people the confidence to get right back up on that horse by pointing out what they did right up the point they faltered, or undermining what little confidence they may have left?
2) I don't see a relapse as failure. I see it as a bump in the road. As far as I'm concerned, I haven't failed until I give up trying. In the course of recovery, relapse is such a strong possibility that it needs to be accounted for & addressed. Again - what's more productive... giving people the confidence to get right back up on that horse by pointing out what they did right up the point they faltered, or undermining what little confidence they may have left?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 484
Originally Posted by 6palms
I know that this post will have a sh!tstorm of responses...but why do you coddle the failures (relapses) on this site? I would rather get pissed about getting their sh!t together and encouraging them to do it right and do it more focused...and get rid of the " welcome back bullish!t"
You sound a little angry, so I'll let you cool off for a while. Once you do, maybe your outlook will change a little bit. (Hopefully.)
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
For what's it worth Charon I used to often wish I'd never been born - but my perspective's got a lot better - my recovery, and the support, care and love I've found at SR, have a lot to do with that
stick with it
D
stick with it
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Spinning happily in my hula hoop
Posts: 2,618
Originally Posted by 6palms
but why do you coddle the failures (relapses) on this site? I would rather get pissed about getting their sh!t together and encouraging them to do it right and do it more focused...and get rid of the " welcome back bullish!t" I know that I would be one of the posts since i have 6 days followed by a return to dridrink, but it's almost like...we knew you'd be back, try to go longer before you fail this time. Venting...obviously...but wondering how healthy it is...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
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Originally Posted by Charon
Actually, I must apologize. RR is not snake oil, nor are any of the other things I referred to. I'm simply bitter that none of them worked for me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
When I first came to SR last August 10 I was lonely, isolated, sick, really scared and close to suicidal. I laid it on the line for the first time in four years (I have relapsed after 8 years sober and after 9 years sober). I was so afraid, I wanted to say "please someone, tell me I can do this", and to just not feel so alone and worthless. I was on my way off of this planet, and the love, understanding and wisdom I found on SR truly saved my life. I was so fragile (actually, I still am working on that, aren't we all?). And there have been times in this last seven months that I was so afraid of relapse that I got on here and made it through the night without drinking. Maybe I rely on SR too much, I don't know. And I am working on getting f2f help - I am just stuck right now, whatever. Anyway, for all you good souls that have encouraged me, have posted your experience and made me see something I didn't even realize I didn't see, thank you. I know I am not alone in this - I felt as close to worthless and hopeless as I had ever felt when I got on SR. I don't know what I would have done without the support and understanding I got. I love you guys.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 732
The idea is to keep people here on SR so they can help themselves get sober, even if it takes a few tries. People need help and they need to feel supported and understood so that's why we welcome them back. That's how I would want to be treated. Lots of great thoughts in this thread.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: directly above the center of the earth
Posts: 71
Like many others, I posted on a lot of "day 1" and "day 3", ad nauseum.
The kindness from the people who responded broke my heart - it really brought home how desperately lonely I was (even though that was my fault by drinking).
I came here because strangers typing on a screen gave me something I needed. I think they're just wonderful.
I get plenty of hardass from myself and at work. I returned here for the gentleness.
The kindness from the people who responded broke my heart - it really brought home how desperately lonely I was (even though that was my fault by drinking).
I came here because strangers typing on a screen gave me something I needed. I think they're just wonderful.
I get plenty of hardass from myself and at work. I returned here for the gentleness.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 53
Thank you for all the responses...based in your feedback I understand that : when we welcome folks back it is a celebration that they are still "in the fight" and are still working towards recovery. Got it.
Actually love the information and caring attitude on this site...wasn't trying to p!ss every1 off ( but i apparently was successful in doing so none-the-less
)
Big Plan day is 4/2....46th birthday....
. Actually love the information and caring attitude on this site...wasn't trying to p!ss every1 off ( but i apparently was successful in doing so none-the-less
)Big Plan day is 4/2....46th birthday....
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