Addiction to something different
Wu ai ni xp
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Canada in the middle of nowhere.
Posts: 4
Addiction to something different
Hello I am here to post my story of my addiction and hope for kind words of support. Though my addiction my not be in a physical drug sense, it is something that I do and thus, addicted to.
I am addicted to Porn/masturbation. It is as much of an addiction as anything else. There is a release of dopamine and other drugs from your body during this and has caused all sorts of harm to my real sex life. Thus making the real life thing not as good as what I can make it. I have had this addiction for 12 years. I hate that I cannot stop myself. It pops in your head during a weak time and you body starts to release the chemicals to convince you to just do it, it will be good, it will be okay. I can say with all certainty that there are many, many more like me. Entire books, studies, websites that all have people with the same problem. Today I come out here to help those who have the same addiction to realize they can change. Sex can be good again, you can be attracted to your partner, your addiction can stop. There are facilities in the states that are 14k for your recovery, there is a site called candeo that helps with this issue but about 600 for the year. I just want free help, which will be forum recovery. I just need more people to respond to my posts
Today is my 6th day 'sober'.
By the way, I am not religious in any way, but still don't mind being prayed for. Just don't tell me I need to go to church or prey myself. In my culture i'd probably be shot if I did, so leave it at that.
Thanks,
Melissa.
I am addicted to Porn/masturbation. It is as much of an addiction as anything else. There is a release of dopamine and other drugs from your body during this and has caused all sorts of harm to my real sex life. Thus making the real life thing not as good as what I can make it. I have had this addiction for 12 years. I hate that I cannot stop myself. It pops in your head during a weak time and you body starts to release the chemicals to convince you to just do it, it will be good, it will be okay. I can say with all certainty that there are many, many more like me. Entire books, studies, websites that all have people with the same problem. Today I come out here to help those who have the same addiction to realize they can change. Sex can be good again, you can be attracted to your partner, your addiction can stop. There are facilities in the states that are 14k for your recovery, there is a site called candeo that helps with this issue but about 600 for the year. I just want free help, which will be forum recovery. I just need more people to respond to my posts
Today is my 6th day 'sober'.
By the way, I am not religious in any way, but still don't mind being prayed for. Just don't tell me I need to go to church or prey myself. In my culture i'd probably be shot if I did, so leave it at that.
Thanks,
Melissa.
MINEr
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Bay Area, Ca
Posts: 505
I'm a recovering sex addict too, though mine mellowed out after ten years of insanity when I quit doing speed eight years ago. It is an addiction like no other, and I have been addicted to most everything. Look into twelve step support like SA and SLAA, The biggie with sex addiction is the shame, that is what triggered my billions of relapses. The hardcore part of it died with the speed, but I still felt the monster lurking in my head the whole time. It wasn't till I did my stepwork for alcoholism, and did my fifth step where I told my sponsor all my sex addict issues, that I didn't feel so alone anymore, and most of the shame left me that day. I now use my sex addiction as a guideline for all addictions in general. When I feel it acting up and getting squirrley, I know I am getting off balance and need to focus my recovery work more. It's not easy, especially when a trigger is the sight of a woman(I'm a straight male), but I am taking my time and just trying to foster healthier views of sex and woman in general. It is a total change of personality that will keep me from acting up, and from drinking. In being open about it, especially with people who understand how powerful it is, I can keep my focus and hopefully help others keep theirs too. I wish you all the luck, it's not easy, but freedom from the shame and guilt will be worth it.
camedown
camedown
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Newburgh
Posts: 868
Hey Melissa, you are definately not alone. There probably does need to be a separate forum for this addiction. I don't think there is one yet. Maybe there will be soon.
I struggled with porn in the past. I'm one of those that can get addicted to just about anything if it feels good enough.
Took alot of guts for you to post that. Good job. There are alot of people who do struggle with it.
Best wishes
God bless.
I struggled with porn in the past. I'm one of those that can get addicted to just about anything if it feels good enough.
Took alot of guts for you to post that. Good job. There are alot of people who do struggle with it.
Best wishes
God bless.
Wu ai ni xp
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Canada in the middle of nowhere.
Posts: 4
My 7th day
Hey everyone, thank you for the welcome wishes. I really hope they make a whole section on this. I know a lot of people who join just a one stop forum for it and barely get replies to their posts. They post religiously too and I could never figure out why. I would need someone to tell me how well I am doing and give me recovery help when I do start to waiver.
Anyways, It is my 7th day 'sober'.
I was kind of worried about how today was going to be since my night was a bit rough but so far so good. I go through these periods when I get restless, tired and my mind is not sharp to prevent me from 'acting out'. I have been drinking a lot of coffee to keep alert.
The ways I will prevent this from happening: Learning about this addiction to my fullest potential. Keeping daily logs from monday-friday about my recovery and any urges I get during the day. To stay away from my weakness I read, write, paint, cook/bake, and clean.
I am trying to find other things I may be addicted to without even knowing, ie. like maybe coffee (But what university student isn't?) and attempting to over come them all in one big jump. Why go through 10 different withdrawals when you can do one really bad one?
More about me: I am 24 years old. Name is Melissa. I have a boyfriend I call husband (That is how long we have been together). My family has drug/alcohol/gambling addictions and I have a porn addiction. My parents I believe have some type of porn/sex addiction but I am not for sure about this. My older sister is addicted to ecstasy and other drugs which she was arrested for possession/distribution leading to death. My younger sister is just addicted to smoking/pot/alcohol. She is not bad though, very good person, has a very very smart child. My brother has a everything addiction and is full on annoying. Cries when he drinks, angry when he is high... it's full out for him. My parents smoke/pot/and very heavy drinkers. My parents-in-law are perfect chinese parents, their addiction is saying "You must do good in school, you must get good grades... you cannot have kids till you married" and so forth, all the stereo types of chinese strict parents. My husband was addicted to masturbation and has over come his when he met me. I have not told him about my addiction and it's kind of a secret. Only I know.
My husband is a Pharmacist and I am an up-coming one. Unless I change my mind and become something else. I have summer break right now and start back at school during summer. Sounds depressing but it's not.
I will be posting often I hope
Thanks, Mel.
Anyways, It is my 7th day 'sober'.
I was kind of worried about how today was going to be since my night was a bit rough but so far so good. I go through these periods when I get restless, tired and my mind is not sharp to prevent me from 'acting out'. I have been drinking a lot of coffee to keep alert.
The ways I will prevent this from happening: Learning about this addiction to my fullest potential. Keeping daily logs from monday-friday about my recovery and any urges I get during the day. To stay away from my weakness I read, write, paint, cook/bake, and clean.
I am trying to find other things I may be addicted to without even knowing, ie. like maybe coffee (But what university student isn't?) and attempting to over come them all in one big jump. Why go through 10 different withdrawals when you can do one really bad one?
More about me: I am 24 years old. Name is Melissa. I have a boyfriend I call husband (That is how long we have been together). My family has drug/alcohol/gambling addictions and I have a porn addiction. My parents I believe have some type of porn/sex addiction but I am not for sure about this. My older sister is addicted to ecstasy and other drugs which she was arrested for possession/distribution leading to death. My younger sister is just addicted to smoking/pot/alcohol. She is not bad though, very good person, has a very very smart child. My brother has a everything addiction and is full on annoying. Cries when he drinks, angry when he is high... it's full out for him. My parents smoke/pot/and very heavy drinkers. My parents-in-law are perfect chinese parents, their addiction is saying "You must do good in school, you must get good grades... you cannot have kids till you married" and so forth, all the stereo types of chinese strict parents. My husband was addicted to masturbation and has over come his when he met me. I have not told him about my addiction and it's kind of a secret. Only I know.
My husband is a Pharmacist and I am an up-coming one. Unless I change my mind and become something else. I have summer break right now and start back at school during summer. Sounds depressing but it's not.
I will be posting often I hope
Thanks, Mel.
MINEr
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Bay Area, Ca
Posts: 505
Damn, that's a lot of familial addiction history, change the Chinese to Irish, and it'd be my family. You don't say anything about substance abuse or alcohol, so is it safe for me to assume your good on those things? And congrats on making it a week. Temptation is tough when you carry your "substance of choice" with you wherever you go. Keep it up.
camedown
camedown
Wu ai ni xp
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Canada in the middle of nowhere.
Posts: 4
25th day sober? I do think so! Well sober being= not masturbating, then yes!
Thank you for you reply's and support. I hope you all find what you are looking for in recovery. I know it is hard but that's why there are forums.
I am doing well, my urges have almost completely left me. I have been doing a lot lately and changing some of my life around. I think I realized why so many people fail with their recovery.
We chose to quit, which is really just avoiding the addiction. We really need to start training on what we want in the end. What do you want your life to be like with out your addiction. What do you want it to feel like? You have to start training your body though avoidance try over and over again without it. Imagine what it was like without your addiction and then try get back to that. If addiction has been in your life always, you need to find something you have never felt before maybe. That will be a challenge but I am sure not impossible.
For my addiction, masturbation and sex are different, your brain needs to know this, and overcome.
I have been attempting to have sex without masturbation during and no other type of stimulation at all. Trying to rely fully on my desires and the way I could remember it feeling. Every time I hope to get closer and closer to my goal of fully relying on my partner. Though so far no success but I think it would help if my mood also changed.
I have also came to realize that my hormones that control how much I want to have sex has almost become a trace element in my body. I barely produce the hormone that makes you want your partner. (It's the hormone, right after you first meet someone and it nearly makes you pounce on them, also called the "honeymoon hormone/phase"). I tested my blood for hormones and from the results I would say that It is negligible that It is actually in my system at all. I might try hormone therapy to increase it, which hopefully would increase the desire I would want/need my partner.
I am assuming that many men feel like they are not attracted to their partners anymore and need to find other ways to get that high, ie. cheating, weird sexual acts, dangerous sexual acts, just because they feel they can't feel the same with their current partner. Actually I believe you are just desensitized to your partner and your partner is desensitized to you, hormonally. You just don't turn each other on anymore. Hormone production ceases and other desires surfaces. This is not the way and it doesn't have to stay that way.
I also think this with any addiction, you are desensitized to something and need something stronger! Find out what that is and get it back.
For me: My Estrogen, Progesterone, and Androgen levels are all extremely low. Androgen being the least visible in my hormone test, symptoms bearing -#1 Low libido, #2 Fatigue, #3 Reduced sense of well-being, #4 Vaginal dryness.... My low level of Estrogen, #1 Fatigue, #2 Vaginal dryness, #3 Loss of libido (not just low, complete loss of it), #4 Low self of esteem.... so forth. So when my partner attempts to have sex with me, my brain always says no. I don't physically say no because I feel bad that I never want to have sex with him.
Once I was taking a hormone that boosts all these simultaneously for a few days, I realized I had some desire for my husband and I had never put it together. I was only on the hormones for 5 days to treat something completely different and the hormone was extremely strong. I doubt something you could take very long.
I do not feel the need for sex, but just enjoy orgasms (This is what masturbation is) You do not 'desire' your hand and that is exactly it. You don't have a sex drive at all. Addiction to orgasms through masturbation and porn.
Avoidance is not the key or the answer. It is nearly a step one takes to figure out how to climb the rest of the stairs!
Well I know that my addiction is different than many others, I do hope I can help you understand that all addictions are nearly the same, and we can all over come them
Good luck everyone.
Melissa.
Thank you for you reply's and support. I hope you all find what you are looking for in recovery. I know it is hard but that's why there are forums.
I am doing well, my urges have almost completely left me. I have been doing a lot lately and changing some of my life around. I think I realized why so many people fail with their recovery.
We chose to quit, which is really just avoiding the addiction. We really need to start training on what we want in the end. What do you want your life to be like with out your addiction. What do you want it to feel like? You have to start training your body though avoidance try over and over again without it. Imagine what it was like without your addiction and then try get back to that. If addiction has been in your life always, you need to find something you have never felt before maybe. That will be a challenge but I am sure not impossible.
For my addiction, masturbation and sex are different, your brain needs to know this, and overcome.
I have been attempting to have sex without masturbation during and no other type of stimulation at all. Trying to rely fully on my desires and the way I could remember it feeling. Every time I hope to get closer and closer to my goal of fully relying on my partner. Though so far no success but I think it would help if my mood also changed.
I have also came to realize that my hormones that control how much I want to have sex has almost become a trace element in my body. I barely produce the hormone that makes you want your partner. (It's the hormone, right after you first meet someone and it nearly makes you pounce on them, also called the "honeymoon hormone/phase"). I tested my blood for hormones and from the results I would say that It is negligible that It is actually in my system at all. I might try hormone therapy to increase it, which hopefully would increase the desire I would want/need my partner.
I am assuming that many men feel like they are not attracted to their partners anymore and need to find other ways to get that high, ie. cheating, weird sexual acts, dangerous sexual acts, just because they feel they can't feel the same with their current partner. Actually I believe you are just desensitized to your partner and your partner is desensitized to you, hormonally. You just don't turn each other on anymore. Hormone production ceases and other desires surfaces. This is not the way and it doesn't have to stay that way.
I also think this with any addiction, you are desensitized to something and need something stronger! Find out what that is and get it back.
For me: My Estrogen, Progesterone, and Androgen levels are all extremely low. Androgen being the least visible in my hormone test, symptoms bearing -#1 Low libido, #2 Fatigue, #3 Reduced sense of well-being, #4 Vaginal dryness.... My low level of Estrogen, #1 Fatigue, #2 Vaginal dryness, #3 Loss of libido (not just low, complete loss of it), #4 Low self of esteem.... so forth. So when my partner attempts to have sex with me, my brain always says no. I don't physically say no because I feel bad that I never want to have sex with him.
Once I was taking a hormone that boosts all these simultaneously for a few days, I realized I had some desire for my husband and I had never put it together. I was only on the hormones for 5 days to treat something completely different and the hormone was extremely strong. I doubt something you could take very long.
I do not feel the need for sex, but just enjoy orgasms (This is what masturbation is) You do not 'desire' your hand and that is exactly it. You don't have a sex drive at all. Addiction to orgasms through masturbation and porn.
Avoidance is not the key or the answer. It is nearly a step one takes to figure out how to climb the rest of the stairs!
Well I know that my addiction is different than many others, I do hope I can help you understand that all addictions are nearly the same, and we can all over come them
Good luck everyone.
Melissa.
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