25th day sober? I do think so! Well sober being= not masturbating, then yes!
Thank you for you reply's and support. I hope you all find what you are looking for in recovery. I know it is hard but that's why there are forums.
I am doing well, my urges have almost completely left me. I have been doing a lot lately and changing some of my life around. I think I realized why so many people fail with their recovery.
We chose to quit, which is really just avoiding the addiction. We really need to start training on what we want in the end. What do you want your life to be like with out your addiction. What do you want it to feel like? You have to start training your body though avoidance try over and over again without it. Imagine what it was like without your addiction and then try get back to that. If addiction has been in your life always, you need to find something you have never felt before maybe. That will be a challenge but I am sure not impossible.
For my addiction, masturbation and sex are different, your brain needs to know this, and overcome.
I have been attempting to have sex without masturbation during and no other type of stimulation at all. Trying to rely fully on my desires and the way I could remember it feeling. Every time I hope to get closer and closer to my goal of fully relying on my partner. Though so far no success but I think it would help if my mood also changed.
I have also came to realize that my hormones that control how much I want to have sex has almost become a trace element in my body. I barely produce the hormone that makes you want your partner. (It's the hormone, right after you first meet someone and it nearly makes you pounce on them, also called the "honeymoon hormone/phase"). I tested my blood for hormones and from the results I would say that It is negligible that It is actually in my system at all. I might try hormone therapy to increase it, which hopefully would increase the desire I would want/need my partner.
I am assuming that many men feel like they are not attracted to their partners anymore and need to find other ways to get that high, ie. cheating, weird sexual acts, dangerous sexual acts, just because they feel they can't feel the same with their current partner. Actually I believe you are just desensitized to your partner and your partner is desensitized to you, hormonally. You just don't turn each other on anymore. Hormone production ceases and other desires surfaces. This is not the way and it doesn't have to stay that way.
I also think this with any addiction, you are desensitized to something and need something stronger! Find out what that is and get it back.
For me: My Estrogen, Progesterone, and Androgen levels are all extremely low. Androgen being the least visible in my hormone test, symptoms bearing -#1 Low libido, #2 Fatigue, #3 Reduced sense of well-being, #4 Vaginal dryness.... My low level of Estrogen, #1 Fatigue, #2 Vaginal dryness, #3 Loss of libido (not just low, complete loss of it), #4 Low self of esteem.... so forth. So when my partner attempts to have sex with me, my brain always says no. I don't physically say no because I feel bad that I never want to have sex with him.
Once I was taking a hormone that boosts all these simultaneously for a few days, I realized I had some desire for my husband and I had never put it together. I was only on the hormones for 5 days to treat something completely different and the hormone was extremely strong. I doubt something you could take very long.
I do not feel the need for sex, but just enjoy orgasms (This is what masturbation is) You do not 'desire' your hand and that is exactly it. You don't have a sex drive at all. Addiction to orgasms through masturbation and porn.
Avoidance is not the key or the answer. It is nearly a step one takes to figure out how to climb the rest of the stairs!
Well I know that my addiction is different than many others, I do hope I can help you understand that all addictions are nearly the same, and we can all over come them
Good luck everyone.
Melissa.