WhoDey

I've visited this site a few times over the last few years, but was only able to muster the courage to register ... and post ... today. I don't have a healthy relationship with alcohol, but I don't know if I'm ready to give it up as I feel I keep it under some control. Still, my drinking has progressed to where it's a daily activity and I find myself thinking and planning my drinking for the evening. Not a good trajectory.

My wife has asked me to take a break from drinking and even left a note in my car this morning expressing her concerns. I have two children (10 and 12). She had a past relationship with an alcoholic, so in the past it was easy for me to attribute her concerns to overreacting.

I accept that something needs to change, but I don't know that I accept that it means zero alcohol. Reading threads in these forums, I can see that I'm probably fooling myself, but it's just where I'm at right now.

Is it worth trying to quit if you're not convinced it's a necessity?

Tigger41

Hi WhoDey - well if it's not that big of a deal stop for a month or so - right? What's the big deal - show her you can stop and you're in control and I believe she'll see you in a different light.


My guess is that you already know in your heart that you have a problem and you may not be able to say the word because you're keeping a job etc - but I think down deep you know it.

I drank every night for 5 years. Most nights got tipsy but some nights not. I would plan my drinking and ensure that I had alcohol when I went on trips and enough in the house so I didn't run out for a day or two. Towards the end I was sneaking drinks - an extra glass of wine with my other half wasn't looking - finishing off the rest of her beer (I mean why have it go to waste right?).

I realized when my 10 year old son asked me to stop that I would have to - I'm just coming to terms now that I cannot ever have another drink - I'm 13 days in and the last 5 have been having the argument with myself that maybe I can have one or two here and there and it won't be a big deal - but I'm afraid it will be a big deal and get bigger and bigger until I am that alcoholic I don't think I am now (drinking in the morning - drinking directly from the bottle) etc.

My name is Terri and I'm a alcoholic. and it sucks.

EzziePup

Hi there and welcome! Honestly, in my opinion, by you coming here it shows you ARE concerned and are ready to make a change. For myself, I let alcohol almost ruin my marriage. It sounds to me that you are concerned for your marriage and your relationship with your kids. Some people, myself included, can't just have one drink. Once I have one I can't stop. I'm no expert, as I am only on day 2 of my journey, but I'm realizing I don't have to have alcohol to have a good life. We all want to set good examples for our children. My dad was an alcoholic so I guess I was predisposed to becoming one myself...and I did. Good luck to you this is a wonderful place of encouragement and support!

WhoDey

Tigger ... Sounds like my pattern. I always make sure that there is enough alcohol available to get me through the evening or weekend.

Can people like us learn to drink in moderation or is it stupid to think that's possible?

cuyootoo

Thats a good question because I know full well what a vile substance alcohol is and yet I still want to drink it. Alcohol makes people squander their money on things they don't need and alcohol makes people make dumb business choices. Alcohol makes people have affairs, and ignore their wives and children. Alcohol puts people in a state of mind where they are vulnerable, and if a person drinks enough they are completely open for attack. All this, for about 40 minutes of euphoria, followed by delusions about things that are not real, or exaggerated emotion. Alcohol sucks.

WhoDey

Thanks for the post EzziePup. I know that what I'm saying makes no sense. I do see that I'm not on a good road, but I don't think I've hit some rock bottom.

Anna

I think you need a lot of motivation to be able to stop drinking and recover. If you don't believe you need to do it, it will be really hard to make it work.

Alcoholics cannot drink in moderation. I think most, if not all of us here, have tried that and failed. And, while we failed at moderating, our drinking got worse and our lives became more out of control.

EzziePup

It may seem like it doesn't make sense...but it does, trust me. It got to the point where I was checking my loot in the mornings before work to make sure I had enuf for the night plus a few to get me started after work the following day, then it was off to the liquor store right after work. To the point I was buying a case of 30 every other day. I did that for 2 years before I did hit rock bottom. I am hopeful for you that you don't hit the bottom, just stay strong and focused we are all here for you!

soberwingz

Thanks for posting whodey, and welcome to SR.

It sounds like you have some real concerns about your drinking patterns. Since you drink daily and make plans to do so I would say it has become a bit of an obsession.

I also get the sense that you are highly functioning as well. I used this highly functioning concept to reinforce my drinking habits for years. I figured if I didnt get DUI's and produced at a high level that my alcohol use was inconsequential. I later learned that highly functioning was merely a stage in my drinking career. Things were quickly falling apart at home due to my obsession with booze.

I truly wish the best for you. I hope you decide to quit. It is painfully hard to imagine not drinking again, however, it will be painfully hard if perhaps you continue.

Keep us posted. Lots of support here.

WhoDey

Anna ... This is what prompted me to post. I don't know if I have the motivation to stop right now. At the same time, I don't want to waste time in trying to achieve moderation if it's a pipe dream.

To everyone ... I greatly appreciate the replies. I didn't know where to start in these forums and feel dumb. I'm sure my thoughts have been expressed here a million times.

Tigger41

Not stupid - I believe just naive. Sorry. I wish I could tell you - sure it's cool - just a bit of self restraint. But I've had this pattern for years and the longest I was able to "keep it in check" and maybe even skip a night here and there has been a month - then I go back to my every night until I'm numb pattern.

I even used to hope that the kids would go off and get themselves busy so I could sit in peace with my drink.

Take a breath - it will be fine - one day at a time - really - don't think of never having another drink in your life right now - just one day at a time.

I've promised myself that if I'm alive at 90 I can start drinking again - weird but it helps.

WhoDey

soberwingz ... I suppose I'm highly functioning and that's what fuels my view that I can handle this. Still, I'm not proud of where I'm at.

It's the pattern that mostly concerns me. Is there a difference between a physical dependence and a psychological dependence?

soberwingz

Im not sure there is a difference between the two when it comes to alcohol abuse. One simply leads to the other. There are clearly elements of both when it comes to alcoholism. The physical dependence is called detox. The mental aspect to recovery is the hard part and requires a different way of thinking and living.

What part of your pattern concerns you the most?

WhoDey

Years ago, I'd have a drink or two on a Sunday evening. A nice way to relax. Then it expanded to Saturday ... then Friday ... then a Wednesday hump day treat. Now it's a nightly routine. That concerns me. Still, I have many friends who enjoy a nightly drink to unwind.

My focus on making sure that I have always have enough bourbon in the house.

My beginning to hide my drinking. Hiding my glass in the cabinet. Being sneaky about purchasing alcohol.

Sometimes drinking in the early afternoon when no one is around.

Things are not going in a good direction and I do need to make changes.

It's the aspects of routine that prompted my question about psychological dependence. I cut back from 101 proof to 86 and that has kept me from getting too drunk, but I feel the need to have a glass in my hand at certain times ... a drink right after work ... a drink when sitting on the couch watching TV.

Thanks for the perspective. It helps to "talk" about this as I've been keeping it to myself up until now.

Tigger41

yeah - I hear you there! I mean I make a lot per year - have a staff of over 30 and people listen to me at work, because I am good and know what I'm talking about - know my field - Masters from Johns Hopkins. And yet I've started to forget things, can't remember people's names for S*** and know I'm not near as sharp as I was 5 years ago when this mess really started with the every night thing. This summer I actually forgot my son's name for about 10 minutes - scared the **** out of me.

Now I'm trying to stop before I lose my touch before (in like 10 years) I lose this job, my life style and self respect. I worked SO hard to get here - I don't want to wait until I'm like "Hopy crap what the heck happened? I had it all and I lost it!" I want to stop it before that - listen to the stories on this board. I'm trying so hard to learn from them - listen to them. Just keep reading. That's what I do everything that voice in my head goes off - the voice that's doing nothing more than getting me to keep drinking (not work out, not read a book, not better myself, but drink).

It's up to you - you do need to be dedicated to do this - it is hard to stop drinking - harder than I thought it would be (which is part of me knowing just how much of an issue I had).

Alcoholism is a progressive disease - that is a fact - proven by scientists and alcoholics alike. It is not steady - it is progressive - you have gotten worse (by your own account) and you will continue to get worse and it will be harder and harder to quit. Nature of the disease/condition.

Think about it - read and post and when you're ready STOP drinking.

WhoDey

Tigger ... I do get scared when I read the stories posted here, but it's too easy to convince myself that I'm "not that bad". The sharing in this thread has been helpful.

I won't say that I'm ready to never have another drink, but I will say that I won't drink today. The fact that it makes me take a deep breath to say even that says something.

Tigger41

That is huge!! Just don't drink today - come back tomorrow update the thread. One day at a time. Just Don't Drink Today. Just today.

WhoDey

Thanks, Tigger. The fact that I'm in this situation makes me very sad ... and feel like I need to have a drink. I'll provide an update tomorrow.

soberjim

Hi Whodey..

You use the term trajectory in your post which I can really relate to. I am starting to understand what 'progressive' means.

I started to visit this site several weeks ago and know that I have to stop. For me it is day 1. I don't know what this means in terms of drinking in the future. I really don't care at this point. I simply want to make it 1 month without have alcohol.

If you a like me, you have to much to lose by letting alcohol get in the way.

For me, there is almost like 2 separate people. the guy in the mornign who rationally knows that alcohol is not the solution ect., then there is the 5 o'clock me who really wants that drink. I can do without the 5 o'clock me, and the guilt the next morning.

Hang in the whodey.

sugarbear1

In over 25 years, I've never met an alcoholic who wasn't "highly functioning."

I also never met a normal person who drank daily.

You are not alone. Please talk to your doctor, stopping abruptly can shock your body and be fatal.

Best wishes on staying stopped and being in the moment with your family.