20 days and I hate it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Link,
Welcome to SR; .....and congrats on your 20 days.
The first month for me was pretty rough.
I can really relate to your life experience being woven in with alcohol, and the whole "family tradition" of drinking and drugging.
Thank goodness we don't have to get sober alone.
I found this forum last April (2010) and it's been a real life-saver.
Don't mean to sound like a cheerleader, but ....you can do this !!
Thanks for posting, you've helped my recovery tonight
.
Welcome to SR; .....and congrats on your 20 days.
The first month for me was pretty rough.
I can really relate to your life experience being woven in with alcohol, and the whole "family tradition" of drinking and drugging.
Thank goodness we don't have to get sober alone.
I found this forum last April (2010) and it's been a real life-saver.
Don't mean to sound like a cheerleader, but ....you can do this !!
Thanks for posting, you've helped my recovery tonight
.
Holding Strong...
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by WeakLink 
ugh! That about sums up how I feel in this moment.
Honestly I don't even really know what I'm doing here. I guess somewhere subconciously I really don't want to drink again but on the surface I do. I really really do. I don't have any big bad story to share, I didn't "hit bottom" so to speak.
The stupid thing about it is that I totally was(am?) one of those people who while I knew I was an alcoholic, I didn't think it was "that bad". I have done stupid things because of drinking but I can still function like a normal person (ie. haven't lost my job or friends, nobody in my family knows etc.) But like I said, I just figured I wouldn't be any better able to keep it manageable than anyone else in my family and figured waiting until it was "really bad" would only make it harder.
So now that it's been 20 days, I'm wondering when things get better? I feel terrible. I can't function at all. I don't want to get out of bed, I have to struggle to work, I can't clean my house. I just want to crawl into a dark cave and stay there forever. I am not crying all the time or anything I just have this overwhelming feeling of hopelessness floating over me all the time. I suppose it isn't new, I just always dealt with it before by drinking.
Now I'm sober and don't know how on earth do deal with this stuff... I've done my fair share of therapy and I'm still like this so I don't have much faith in any of that either.
I have also been so terribly irritable. I get seriously annoyed with pretty much anyone I come into contact with and I am generally the easiest person to get along with. I also am SO tired all the time. I figured the first while would suck but this is just getting worse and worse. Has anyone else felt worse before they feel better? How friggin long does this last?? So far being sober totally blows and I just want to crack open a case and clean my damn house already!
Honestly I don't even really know what I'm doing here. I guess somewhere subconciously I really don't want to drink again but on the surface I do. I really really do. I don't have any big bad story to share, I didn't "hit bottom" so to speak.
The stupid thing about it is that I totally was(am?) one of those people who while I knew I was an alcoholic, I didn't think it was "that bad". I have done stupid things because of drinking but I can still function like a normal person (ie. haven't lost my job or friends, nobody in my family knows etc.) But like I said, I just figured I wouldn't be any better able to keep it manageable than anyone else in my family and figured waiting until it was "really bad" would only make it harder.
So now that it's been 20 days, I'm wondering when things get better? I feel terrible. I can't function at all. I don't want to get out of bed, I have to struggle to work, I can't clean my house. I just want to crawl into a dark cave and stay there forever. I am not crying all the time or anything I just have this overwhelming feeling of hopelessness floating over me all the time. I suppose it isn't new, I just always dealt with it before by drinking.
Now I'm sober and don't know how on earth do deal with this stuff... I've done my fair share of therapy and I'm still like this so I don't have much faith in any of that either.
I have also been so terribly irritable. I get seriously annoyed with pretty much anyone I come into contact with and I am generally the easiest person to get along with. I also am SO tired all the time. I figured the first while would suck but this is just getting worse and worse. Has anyone else felt worse before they feel better? How friggin long does this last?? So far being sober totally blows and I just want to crack open a case and clean my damn house already!
Hi and welcome to SR!
Sorry to quote most of your original post, but I can relate to so much of what you're saying! I'm also 30, have been sober for 18 loooooong days after drinking almost daily for about 10 years, and am having a lot of similar symptoms. The difference is that I keep ping ponging between super highs (cheerful, energetic, laughing at stupid stuff, etc) and feeling depressed/irritable and wanting to rip out my eyeballs! I am currently struggling with insomnia which also doesn't help the mood...
FWIW, you're not alone in this and it CAN only get better; how could what we're feeling possibly be worse than self destructing, ya know? Even though you feel like crap and have no energy, try to do something to keep yourself busy..I find that sitting around just makes me feel worse so I'm trying to take more breaks/walks at work just to keep my mind off of how shi*!y I feel. It might sound dumb, but im also having the most luck with mundane things at home...like cleaning, laundry, watching mindless tv, etc. Even if you can't accomplish it all, all at once, accomplishing something might help you feel better? Hang in there and do whatever it takes to get yourself through the day sober. It'll pay off in the long run, im sure of it. Spending time on this forum can be really therapeutic too, if you're not ready/willing to go the professional route (yet?). There are tons of helpful tips, resources, people, stories, etc to help you get through the day. Good luck!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: California
Posts: 382
I stopped drinking 43 days ago. I was sick for most of those days. I just started feeling better in the last 3 to 4 days. I had anxiety, panic attacks, sleep problems, loss of apatite, shakes, numbness, dizziness,etc. As the days went on I would notice things getting better. I remember wanting to give up on it, but I would ask questions like you are. It always helped me to know that it gets better. Trust me it really does. I'm starting to feel so much better as the days go on. Stick with it, ans stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Spruce Head, Maine
Posts: 5
Well for me its been 32 days. I had some of the same things. I was an A hole Im getting alot better but still have some of the moods. Im feeling alot better to and yes I got my house clean up over the weekend it was bad. Well keep working on it for me it did get better.
Guest
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
Originally Posted by EmeraldRose
Welcome weaklink...I drank my whole adult life, too...30 years worth of a forgotten drunken stupor. Well, 75% of the time. I did have sober time here and there but always went back to the bottle -and harder each time. I ran a business drunk, I tutored at an elementary school drunk, sold tupperware drunk -did everything drunk or at least with some type of mind altering buzz.
When you are so used to functioning for so many years in a fog you have to give yourself time for that fog to lift. 20 days is a great start and I really hope that you can find the strength to pour out those 4 beers down the drain.
As newly sober we have to first get in touch with ourselves. I never really knew myself and went thru life doing what I was s'posed to, what was expected from me as a wife and mother. Now that the kids are grown, I'm separated and living alone I have me to deal with. Holy schmokes...I never knew me before. I am learning about myself, my weakness', my strengths, what I like what I don't like, I can come and go when I please, I don't have to wrestle anyone for the TV remote and I don't have to politely ask if anyone wants anything when I head to the kitchen. Ahhh....its' great being sober...and remembering it.
The first month or so I took off from life. (I did 6 weeks of rehab) I tried to get into my own head and screw it on straight. I started indulging in learning about my higher power, my inner strength and listening to it when it spoke softly to my heart. I took each day for what it was...I tried to accomplish one thing I didn't want to do along with something I had to do or wanted to do. I learned how to release the fear of worry and learn the correct way to think things thru and let them go. I learned how to sleep well and eat better and have faith that everything would turn out for the best in the end.
There are no schools to learn how to cope with life...life lessons are learned thru mistakes. Coping and learning is a daily learning process that will take more than a month. Everyday brings a new challenge and a new hurdle you need to climb over. Just take it day by day...don't lump everything up and feel overwhelmed and expect to wave a magick wand.
And the best thing I've learned in the first month is patience. Patience in myself, patience in my life and patience that everything will happen in due time when its time. Forcing life will just make everything go array and not run smoothly. Let it be, live it and have peace.
When you are so used to functioning for so many years in a fog you have to give yourself time for that fog to lift. 20 days is a great start and I really hope that you can find the strength to pour out those 4 beers down the drain.
As newly sober we have to first get in touch with ourselves. I never really knew myself and went thru life doing what I was s'posed to, what was expected from me as a wife and mother. Now that the kids are grown, I'm separated and living alone I have me to deal with. Holy schmokes...I never knew me before. I am learning about myself, my weakness', my strengths, what I like what I don't like, I can come and go when I please, I don't have to wrestle anyone for the TV remote and I don't have to politely ask if anyone wants anything when I head to the kitchen. Ahhh....its' great being sober...and remembering it.
The first month or so I took off from life. (I did 6 weeks of rehab) I tried to get into my own head and screw it on straight. I started indulging in learning about my higher power, my inner strength and listening to it when it spoke softly to my heart. I took each day for what it was...I tried to accomplish one thing I didn't want to do along with something I had to do or wanted to do. I learned how to release the fear of worry and learn the correct way to think things thru and let them go. I learned how to sleep well and eat better and have faith that everything would turn out for the best in the end.
There are no schools to learn how to cope with life...life lessons are learned thru mistakes. Coping and learning is a daily learning process that will take more than a month. Everyday brings a new challenge and a new hurdle you need to climb over. Just take it day by day...don't lump everything up and feel overwhelmed and expect to wave a magick wand.
And the best thing I've learned in the first month is patience. Patience in myself, patience in my life and patience that everything will happen in due time when its time. Forcing life will just make everything go array and not run smoothly. Let it be, live it and have peace.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 89
Welcome, and rest assured that you are not alone.
You asked before what's better while sober. I know I can tell you what's better for me.
No more headaches and heartburn while drinking. No more hangovers. No more talking myself through drunk driving as I carefully try to make my way home "you can do this, keep focused," etc - scary that I was doing that. No more money wasted on alcohol (I wasn't a heavy drinker and drank cheap wine at home most of the time, but I still burned probably $50-$60 a month on booze.) No more useless calories, hanging on me and making me bloated so that nothing fit. No more embarrassing mistakes (I once was rubbing my husband's feet when I was very drunk and started picking at a hangnail and ended up pulling half his toenail off - I still cringe when I remember doing that.)
I feel good about myself now. Sure, it's tempting to have a drink, but I remind myself that it's just going to spiral out of control and I don't need any of that drama or trouble. My skin is brighter and clearer, I feel better (I know you are not there yet because you're still detoxing - but it will come and it will be fabulous!)
Be strong and don't give up. It does get better and there is nothing MORE worth it than sobriety. The only thing drink leads to is destruction.
You asked before what's better while sober. I know I can tell you what's better for me.
No more headaches and heartburn while drinking. No more hangovers. No more talking myself through drunk driving as I carefully try to make my way home "you can do this, keep focused," etc - scary that I was doing that. No more money wasted on alcohol (I wasn't a heavy drinker and drank cheap wine at home most of the time, but I still burned probably $50-$60 a month on booze.) No more useless calories, hanging on me and making me bloated so that nothing fit. No more embarrassing mistakes (I once was rubbing my husband's feet when I was very drunk and started picking at a hangnail and ended up pulling half his toenail off - I still cringe when I remember doing that.)
I feel good about myself now. Sure, it's tempting to have a drink, but I remind myself that it's just going to spiral out of control and I don't need any of that drama or trouble. My skin is brighter and clearer, I feel better (I know you are not there yet because you're still detoxing - but it will come and it will be fabulous!)
Be strong and don't give up. It does get better and there is nothing MORE worth it than sobriety. The only thing drink leads to is destruction.
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
I feel your pain. Im on day 17 and feel Awful... When just the other day i felt pretty great. I havent eaten in a day, headache is killin me, anxiety is strong and i just dry heaved it out when i woke up. Definitely not how i wanted to start the day, but its going to be a sober day 
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