charles313

So Im 22 years old and as a lady I really love the exprience of getting all dolled up and going out for halloween, new years, friends weddings etc. Occasions for me where i find drinking to be the most enjoyable. So now that im attempting to live sober I was wondering how I should approach special events? I really dont want to miss out on all the fun. Is it ok to have a drink or two (as long as im not getting sloshed)? If I was to have a drink am I likely to experience withdrawals again? Also if I choose to try to stay completely sober how should I deal with temptation and peer pressure?

IndaMiricale

Well I cant really help you out there so far.

I know i cant have one or two never see the point, always want more.

I only have one sober holiday so far witch was a biggy though for me 4th of july.

Normally i go to my father house for a huge birthday party , this year trying soberity i went to a AA party. So glad i did, whatever you choose i hope its the right one for you .

charles313

That's usually how I was prior to being sober but im hoping that if I can go a really long time without drinking that an occasional glass of wine or lager will be manageable for me... im just afriad to relapse... for me I wasn't a heavy daily drinker... I was a weekender that just drank way too much.

Nocturnus

Hi!

Having a couple of drinks probably won't trigger withdrawal symptoms, but I can't tell for sure because I don't have a medical degree, nor do I know your history. The question is, will you be able to stick to only a few drinks?

I'm 21 and like spending time with my friends when I get the chance, but a lot of them drink. Having enjoyed alcohol, I know exactly what you mean by missing out on the fun. Being sober and trying to have a good time is a bit different. (Dare I say, not so much fun for me). But I'm hoping the fun will come, I guess one has to figure out what he/she wants to do for fun.

As far as weddings there are many other activities and generally everybody is in a good mood and sociable. It's also a good opportunity to meet new people, who usually don't ask you to drink or don't ask you bluntly to your face "Why aren't you drinking?". Truth be told, being a woman is a bit different I guess, so there are men offering to buy you drinks.

During New year's party and other similar events I have found it useful to arrive a bit late, when everybody are a bit jolly already + hold a cup with coffee or tea and say it's alcohol. I always get a few laughs off of people who see me drinking and drinking and try to figure out why I'm not getting drunk.

Useful tip: learn a few jokes to hold the momentum when in company of drinkers.

These approaches are in no way failsafe or practical in every situation or event. The peer pressure is strong and it's difficult to explain to people why you aren't drinking. I can picture a face full of wonder right now, wondering what kind of decease/reason I have for not drinking.

I hope others have some good suggestions. Keep fighting the good fight.

Dee74

Hi Charlie

If you're the kind of drinker I was, I don't believe there's ever any going back, I'm afraid - no matter how much time you put between drinks.

I've known people with 6 months, a year, 2 years, 5 years, even 25 years in one case - they drank again...and they started exactly from where they left off....

I've accepted that fact - I've accepted that alcohol and I are a bad combination & always will be.

After I finally accepted that, after 20 years, temptation and peer pressure ceased to be issues for me -

I want to be sober. I like myself and I like my life sober. I prefer it that way

I really hope you can get there too Charlie

I avoided social occasions by choice for a while until I achieved that acceptance I spoke about - I recommend it...

but if you really don't feel you can do that, there are some great tips for dealing with social occasions here:

http://www.cryingoutnow.com/2010/11/...val-guide.html

D

Zebra1275

If you are an alcoholic there is no such thing as moderation.

You may be able to fool yourself into thinking you can drink in moderation because you only had two drinks at a wedding last weekend. But before you realize it, you will be back to your darkest days of drinking.

Belier

I really needed this thread - thank you!

I know at 7 months I should have this worked out but have international trip, dinner with small group I used to drink a lot with and then a major cocktail party. Oh Boy. I don't want to drink it is just that everyone will be asking me. I know everyone here says it is none of their business etc, but I cant explain our culture and that it is a big thing. I will be ok, I am thinking of getting one of the waiters to bring me apple juice in a wine glass. Its like I now feel embarrassed that I don't drink, go figure! Just Crazzzzzzzy

WeakLink

For me it's only been 3 weeks but so far I have avoided those situations. Everyone in my family are all big drinkers and right now since it's summer they are all out at the lake spending time at the cabin. I have avoided going out there with them and truth be told, they are starting to get irritated with me for not coming and bringing my kids out. I'd love to go and have a bonfire and roast marshmallows but I KNOW I will drink if I go. I could tell them I've stopped drinking but then I'd have to tell them just how bad my drinking had gotten and I don't think they know. I wouldn't even care but I don't want my mom to know (even though I'm 30 I still don't want to upset her lol) I wouldn't think it would be a good idea for you to have a drink or two, why start something you might not be easily able to stop? You could try holding a cup like was already mentioned or you could tell them you're taking a prescription for migraines (so they don't think there's anything embarrassing is wrong with you lol) and you can't drink? If you just told people "I don't drink anymore" would they really push the issue?

BodhiTree

WeakLink, as far as not wanting to get into details with people, I get where you're coming from. I think you can convey the seriousness of your intent without getting into what a problem it became. I usually say something like "I just realized that I didn't feel very good when I drank, so I quit. I feel so much happier and healthier now that I will never go back to drinking." I think this captures the intent but sidesteps any talk of abuse or addiction.

charles313

I have already made my family and friends aware of my intent not to drink... but I honestly think they think im joking or that I will easily abandon my sobriety ... last week my two male cousins also two of my biggest enablers came over to use for our pool and all I heard the whole time was... your not drinking today? Want a beer? A shot? Not even a sip huh? They both had the well see how long that lasts attitude... which is annoying... but I do want to be able to attend social gatherings and even be in the presence of alcohol and be able to resist.

artsoul

I think your friends/family will eventually get the message. I had a few people say things to me early on, and I just told them I felt like I was starting to drink too much and decided to cut it out entirely. I had one person respond with "Yeah, I probably need to do the same thing." But you can use any reason that you feel comfortable with.

I know how hard it is to think about holidays and events without alcohol. I couldn't think about it at first - it was too overwhelming. I had to take it one day at a time. The longer I was sober, though, the easier it got to have fun without alcohol until I found that I actually enjoyed being sober at those events. There are so many advantages: I was more engaged with others, my mind was clearer and sharper so I had a better sense of humor, I had extra time/energy to put into those events, and I could wake up the next morning with no regrets.

The only events I don't do these days are the ones where drinking is the main source of entertainment. I find those to be totally boring because everyone just starts acting stupid. So I'll either not go, or if I have a reason to be there I'll go and leave with the "normal" people!

Congratulations on your 18 days - that's a great start!!!

chicubs1

I'm not sure if you're the kind of drinker I was, but 1 or 2 always ended up being 9, 10 or more and that can be a slippery slope. Most of my family understands, but after 20 months, I still get "are you sure" or looked at like I'm some sort of mutant because I don't drink from those who used to love to tear it up with me at family gatherings. I made a conscious decision early on to avoid friends that weren't supportive of my recovery, but family is another matter. As they say, you can pick your friends, but not your family and they can be the biggest enablers! Everyone is different, but my suggestion would be to stick to your guns and steer clear of temptation. The more they see you choosing not drink, most if not all of them will get used to the idea and be just as supportive as your friends. Stay strong, it's worth it!