Introducing myself
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 43
725 by grace My friend;s daughter was murdered by her son in law in front of two g/kids twelve years ago .she and her husband took on raising the kids at sixty five and sixty eight years old,The devastation was unspeakable.Her husband never touched a drink to this day and she got wonderful support from a local grief counsellng group. she even got a visit from OJ Simpson's sister in law who advocates against family violence .what I;m trying to suggest some cities have special groups for suicide counselling We have one here in Hamilton Canada .I am holding my breath for you you don;t walk alone
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 88
I just finished reading all your posts, and I'm in tears. I can't even begin to imagine your grief, and I'm so sorry for your loss. You're remarkably strong and I really applaud your ambition to make something positive out of your daughter's death. Congratulations on three weeks sober - so inspirational!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 5
725bygrace, thank you so very much for your posts which I discovered today. I find them very inspiring as I struggle with my own demons and trying to stop drinking. My mother committed suicide 9 years ago this week, and I can't remember a day since that I have not drank. I have been trying in earnest to stop for two weeks, and have not made it a single day. Congratulations, three weeks is huge! Knowing that it IS possible for someone in a similar situation may help me get to the end of the day without a drink.
Thank you and God bless.
Thank you and God bless.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Springfield, MA
Posts: 7
725byGrace,
Your story is so hugely inspirational. I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter as I know everyone else is, even if they haven't said so. The challenges you have faced are most likely the worst any of us can conceive. Yet you stay strong. I admire that entirely.
I am still drinking, as I have been for 20 years. But I am waiting, on a list, for a detox/rehab program to rid me of the alcohol desire and need that I have lived with for so long. I have been promised a bed within 5 days, and I will spend 14 days there learning how to live without this drug. I've beat every other drug out there, but alcohol and tobacco just won't go away.
I once stopped breathing for 3 minutes while three friends of mine beat on my chest to revive me. Amazingly, it worked. That was the last time I used Heroin. One of those 3 friends called me two years ago to make amends. I had no idea what she was talking about, but she had joined AA and was working the steps. I accepted her apology and thought not much more of it. Now, all I can think about is making amends to all the people whom I've hurt over my lifetime of drinking.
Anyway, I could go on all night, but your post engaged me and your story is inspiring, if only it didn't have to involve the death of your daughter.
I am sorry, but I thank you for sharing with us here. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Xander
Your story is so hugely inspirational. I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter as I know everyone else is, even if they haven't said so. The challenges you have faced are most likely the worst any of us can conceive. Yet you stay strong. I admire that entirely.
I am still drinking, as I have been for 20 years. But I am waiting, on a list, for a detox/rehab program to rid me of the alcohol desire and need that I have lived with for so long. I have been promised a bed within 5 days, and I will spend 14 days there learning how to live without this drug. I've beat every other drug out there, but alcohol and tobacco just won't go away.
I once stopped breathing for 3 minutes while three friends of mine beat on my chest to revive me. Amazingly, it worked. That was the last time I used Heroin. One of those 3 friends called me two years ago to make amends. I had no idea what she was talking about, but she had joined AA and was working the steps. I accepted her apology and thought not much more of it. Now, all I can think about is making amends to all the people whom I've hurt over my lifetime of drinking.
Anyway, I could go on all night, but your post engaged me and your story is inspiring, if only it didn't have to involve the death of your daughter.
I am sorry, but I thank you for sharing with us here. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Xander
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Grace,
My sincere condolences, a loss of that magnitude is hard for me to contemplate. You mentioned your reluctance to attend AA meetings in your small town.
This morning I stumbled on this link that may be of use to you.
On-Demand RecoveryTV Addiction Recovery Resources
It is difficult for me to get to meetings although I have managed to get to some especially in the early days. I listened to this above program and I am finding incredibly useful, it touches on things that I had not even thought about and gives very useful tips for staying sober. One of the main things that was stressed was a support group/people as being the way to keep sober.
All the best to you
CaiHong
My sincere condolences, a loss of that magnitude is hard for me to contemplate. You mentioned your reluctance to attend AA meetings in your small town.
This morning I stumbled on this link that may be of use to you.
On-Demand RecoveryTV Addiction Recovery Resources
It is difficult for me to get to meetings although I have managed to get to some especially in the early days. I listened to this above program and I am finding incredibly useful, it touches on things that I had not even thought about and gives very useful tips for staying sober. One of the main things that was stressed was a support group/people as being the way to keep sober.
All the best to you
CaiHong
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: midwest
Posts: 68
I can't get past the date.
4 months ago today my baby commited suicide. I'm having a really really hard day. My hubby is frustrated with me. And my sorrow seems to think a glass of wine would help. God give me strength.
4 months ago today my baby commited suicide. I'm having a really really hard day. My hubby is frustrated with me. And my sorrow seems to think a glass of wine would help. God give me strength.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 5
725byGrace,
I am so sorry for your loss and completly understand the date thing.
My mother's suicide date has annually been the worst day of my life all over again, 9 years now...it was last week.
I did not realize your loss was so recent. Please hang in there, things get better.
Do not beat yourself up.
You must realize that there is nothing you could have done to change your daughters decision to give up on life - it was her decision fueled by the power and despair of addiction. She gave up, don't you.
You have spoken about honoring her memory by getting and staying sober, and I have found great inspiration in that philosophy. Thank you.
This year is the first year I have not spent the "anniversary date" geting totally blasted. Dealing with it sober for the first time has been a cathartic experience.
The best way you can take care of yourself is to continue what you have been doing - not drinking.
The pain of your loss will never completly go away. How could it?
She was your baby, and as parents we feel a deep sense of responsibility for our children and thier decisions.
There is a point at which they become soley responsible for thier life choices, and at that point we only have advice, not control.
I have so much more to share but find myself crying like a baby, so I am done for now.
You are in my prayers,
Strawman
I am so sorry for your loss and completly understand the date thing.
My mother's suicide date has annually been the worst day of my life all over again, 9 years now...it was last week.
I did not realize your loss was so recent. Please hang in there, things get better.
Do not beat yourself up.
You must realize that there is nothing you could have done to change your daughters decision to give up on life - it was her decision fueled by the power and despair of addiction. She gave up, don't you.
You have spoken about honoring her memory by getting and staying sober, and I have found great inspiration in that philosophy. Thank you.
This year is the first year I have not spent the "anniversary date" geting totally blasted. Dealing with it sober for the first time has been a cathartic experience.
The best way you can take care of yourself is to continue what you have been doing - not drinking.
The pain of your loss will never completly go away. How could it?
She was your baby, and as parents we feel a deep sense of responsibility for our children and thier decisions.
There is a point at which they become soley responsible for thier life choices, and at that point we only have advice, not control.
I have so much more to share but find myself crying like a baby, so I am done for now.
You are in my prayers,
Strawman
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: midwest
Posts: 68
Strawman
Thank you Strawman for your kind words of encouragement. I made it through the day and went to bed at 8:00 last night. I feel better today.
A friend who lost her daughter in 2005 was so right when she said "grief is like the ocean" it ebbs and flows and sometimes knocks you off your feet.
I know what you say is truth. I have said it to myself many times ... its just during a down day, I have trouble focusing on the truth. I just feel really sad.
I spoke with another one of her friends last week and he told me that she was always saying what great parents we were. I know she appreciated us - I just wish she had trusted us to help her overcome her addiction. I think she was too afraid of our disapproval... but she had to know that we would do ANYTHING for her. (those are the thoughts that go through my head over and over on a day like yesterday)
That said, today is a better day. I will embrace that.
Good for you staying sober through your sorrow. It is one day at a time...
A friend who lost her daughter in 2005 was so right when she said "grief is like the ocean" it ebbs and flows and sometimes knocks you off your feet.
I know what you say is truth. I have said it to myself many times ... its just during a down day, I have trouble focusing on the truth. I just feel really sad.
I spoke with another one of her friends last week and he told me that she was always saying what great parents we were. I know she appreciated us - I just wish she had trusted us to help her overcome her addiction. I think she was too afraid of our disapproval... but she had to know that we would do ANYTHING for her. (those are the thoughts that go through my head over and over on a day like yesterday)
That said, today is a better day. I will embrace that.
Good for you staying sober through your sorrow. It is one day at a time...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: midwest
Posts: 68
:o) - Thanks. I'm doing okay. I have been spending alot of time at home and in the basement organizing and such. It started because I was trying to find my "Peace". It is a little sign that used to hang in my kitchen window. I took it down last November to hang something else for the holidays and I can't remember where I put it.
I have been through every box, cupboard, drawer, etc and its nowhere to be found. I have lost my peace. Its kind of funny - but now its symbolic - and I know I have to search for a new peace because I don't want to be without it. (It has always been a source of comfort.)
I'm not drinking - and it really hasn't been an issue. I have opportunity every day and I haven't caved in. AND I'm not even going to add "yet" because I don't plan on relapsing and I will NOT give myself permission to do so.
PS: I have taken a truckload to St. Vinnies - and still have more to give. This purging process has been very therapeudic.
I have been through every box, cupboard, drawer, etc and its nowhere to be found. I have lost my peace. Its kind of funny - but now its symbolic - and I know I have to search for a new peace because I don't want to be without it. (It has always been a source of comfort.)
I'm not drinking - and it really hasn't been an issue. I have opportunity every day and I haven't caved in. AND I'm not even going to add "yet" because I don't plan on relapsing and I will NOT give myself permission to do so.
PS: I have taken a truckload to St. Vinnies - and still have more to give. This purging process has been very therapeudic.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: midwest
Posts: 68
It is a sad day. We live in a small community and one of our own died in a car accident last night. She was 21. In grade school, she and my youngest daughter were best friends; while her sister and my oldest daughter were best friends. The girls spent alot of time together - Katie was delightful.
It was very difficult and I wasn't sure how I would handle it - but we took a leap of faith and stopped at their home after church to offer our condolenses and support. They were all 3 in different rooms. The dad was trying to be strong and greeting people. The mom hasn't even been able to get out of bed. All we could do was hold them, cry and pray. I could feel their pain - in actually made me shake. It surprised me when I realized (once we got home) that is was their pain I was feeling and not my own. I never want to feel the intensity of that pain again.
It was very difficult and I wasn't sure how I would handle it - but we took a leap of faith and stopped at their home after church to offer our condolenses and support. They were all 3 in different rooms. The dad was trying to be strong and greeting people. The mom hasn't even been able to get out of bed. All we could do was hold them, cry and pray. I could feel their pain - in actually made me shake. It surprised me when I realized (once we got home) that is was their pain I was feeling and not my own. I never want to feel the intensity of that pain again.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: midwest
Posts: 68
9/15
Wow - just realized its been 11 days since I last posted. I guess I've been pretty busy. Hello and welcome to all newbies (who might read this post).
Things are going well. I have (almost) 8 weeks sobriety. Memories of drinking a bottle of wine every night are fading. I am loving the interactions with my family after dinner and wonder how much I missed because of my drinking.
We are taking clients out for dinner tonight and I don't worry about drinking or not drinking in front of them. In other words, if they drink I won't feel pressured into joining them. And I don't worry about drinking with them (which I would have worried about drinking too much in the past) because I'm not drinking.
Life is so much easier this way...
The family that lost their daughter 9/4 is not doing well; especially the mom. I know exactly where she's at - I wish there was something I could do.
Things are going well. I have (almost) 8 weeks sobriety. Memories of drinking a bottle of wine every night are fading. I am loving the interactions with my family after dinner and wonder how much I missed because of my drinking.
We are taking clients out for dinner tonight and I don't worry about drinking or not drinking in front of them. In other words, if they drink I won't feel pressured into joining them. And I don't worry about drinking with them (which I would have worried about drinking too much in the past) because I'm not drinking.
Life is so much easier this way...
The family that lost their daughter 9/4 is not doing well; especially the mom. I know exactly where she's at - I wish there was something I could do.
is really trying!
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: On the road to serenity via soberville
Posts: 236
SO MUCH for this thread. I have just read every post & find myself unbearably moved.I'm so very happy that you continue to stay strong & I wish every happiness & blessing to you and your family. Thank you again for such an inspirational experience.
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