Introducing myself
 

I woke up at 3:17 this morning and decided that I need to change the current direction of my life. I NEED to stop drinking.
I have always been a social drinker, but my use has become excessive since the suicide of my 23 year old daughter this past April.
It seems I can't open a bottle of wine without finishing it the same day. It has become a habit - I'm not sure if I "need it" because I haven't tried being without. So TODAY 7/25 by the grace of God, I am quitting my dependence on alcohol. (i am hopeful; optimistic; naive??)
I don't want to tell anybody and I don't want to join AA or anything. I hope this forum will help hold me accountable.

I'm so sorry about your daughter.... Best of luck in your recovery.

-Josh

I, too, am sorry about your daughter. But you have a life to lie in her memory, sober.

I can't imagine how tough it must be to overcome your daughter's Death.
I have a sober friend whose son killed himself at age 27. He's been sober 29 years and didn't pick up over it.
You can do it too.

We're all here for you.

725 - I'm sorry for the tragedy you're trying to cope with. I'm glad, though, that you're aware that your dependency on the wine needs to change.

I can imagine how tempting it is to take the edge off with alcohol. Getting numb doesn't really help us cope, it just seems to. It's only temporary, and the emotions and pain are still there waiting for us to deal with when we get sober.

I think it's great that you're optimistic about it - nothing naive about that. Let us know how it's going.

Welcome to SR.

My condolences on your daughter.

I do hope you find the support, strength, and hope I have found in these forums.

I'm so sorry about your daughter... it's something my mother told me should could never deal with, if I died. And I'm sure she couldn't. She died over a year ago of a drug overdose, we think it was intentional. I drank horribly the past year... but, I've been drinking for about 15 years now anyway. I gave myself a year or so after her death... I knew it was over though. I quit June 28th. Something like that just wakes you up, it did me anyway... I was sober for days while she was on life support... the alcohol, for the first time in my life, couldn't help.

If anything, I look at her death as my life's wake-up call. And I think she would be glad.

Welcome Grace! I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. I can't imagine your pain. SR is a great place to find support. I'm happy to hear your going to give sobriety a chance. Keep posting and let us know how your making out.

:welcome
Best Wishes To You!

I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm glad you've found us 725ByGrace - this is a good place :)

D

Welcome to the family.:hug:

Seek medical help if you have physical withdrawal. Seizures are possible.

I'm sorry for your loss, suicide by a child would test any parent. Glad you found us.

I am so sorry for your profound loss. I found this site a few weeks ago and the support is amazing! Welcome...

:hug: I'm so sorry your daughter is no longer physically with you her spirit will continue to be

Welcome to sR...:wave:

So sorry for your loss. SR has been very beneficial for my recovery...hope it can be that way for you as well. In addition I utilize AA - have you considered going to AA for additional support? Glad you are here and welcome to SR.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. I will share my story sometime soon. Today is day 1 - and I did it. We even went out for dinner and while everyone else enjoyed a beer, I drank diet 7up.

A word to SoberJennie- your post touches me. The bond between mother and daughter is like no other. I'm sad for you; losing your mom. My daughter was into drugs as well. We will have to talk - I'm sure we can help each other.

Now - I will go to bed early and end the day with a positive note. I did it!!

Very sorry for your lose. One can never imagine. Trust God to help you heal. You are not alone here.

So sorry Jennie. Your mother would be proud of you

Day 2
 

I see others have posted daily to help stay on track and thats what I intend to do. If I keep posting to the same thread, I won't bore people with my early accomplishments of one day at a time.

I am really encouraged by the other posts I've read. I want to be there !!!

So, today is day two. We rented a cabin for 3 days at a campground that has a pond, pool and playground with HUGE inflatables. I am going to throw caution to the wind - and play on everything!!! I need to find a happy place and it will be good to have a change of pace and scenery.

There will be alcohol there, but I am determined to resist. Everyone drinks beer - if I don't buy wine, I won't drink wine. PERIOD. It sounds easy enough.

Day 3
 

Yesterday went without a glitch.
I wonder about the effects of withdrawl. I will have to read to determine if any of the strange things I'm feeling - and that my body is doing - is in reaction to not drinking.
I felt the time yesterday afternoon that I would have had a glass of wine - before everyone else got home. And I know that one glass would have led to two - would have resulted in a bottle before I was done. I drank coffee and an energy drink instead. Weird thing is I had two energy drinks yesterday - and hubby commented on the empty cans "how many of those do you drink in a day? You know they're not good for you". My thought was - :gaah you never say anything about the empty wine bottles. (He doesn't know or hasn't yet noticed that I quit drinking)
So, today is day 3. We are still at the cabin. It is storming outside - but amazingly, I feel at peace. My mind keeps returning to Krystin - I am trying not to sink into dispair. I'm not quite sure how I will spend my day in this little cabin. (reading, making bookmarks for Hospice, movies, ???) I will be alone until 3:00 and then my daughter is joining me for some "girl time".
Hmmm, what shall we do? Yesterday we swam and climbed on all the inflatables in the pond and playground. The weather may not allow us to be outside this afternoon/evening. We'll have to be creative. I have two voice boxes (Krystin's phone msg) that we are going to put in Build-a-Bears. Maybe we'll do that and go out for dinner. Not Sure... But one thing I know for sure is I WILL NOT be drinking.
Day 3 ...

Day 4
 

Okay, so I did it. I haven't had a drink yet. Today is day 4.
I can already tell its going to be a tough day. I can't stop crying.:cries3:
I can't stop thinking about my baby and the pain she must have been in. How do I ever get over the aching in my heart?
Lord help me.