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Old 05-29-2011, 10:25 AM
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Day 1

Hi,

Im new to this site and basically wanted some help. Im 26 and have been in and out of AA for 6 years. At the moment I seem to only be able to stay sober for no more than a week. Im in hell. Really depressed, physically sick, so full of regrets and at the moment I cant see a way forward. I know I cannot drink but really can't see myself living without it with my mental head. I get really anxious a lot, am a total hypochondriac and cant get over the fact that i lost the love of my life because of drink.

Any suggestions would be appriciated.
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Old 05-29-2011, 10:31 AM
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Hi Kathryn and welcome!

The start is so hard, as you know. The physical impact of alcohol is enormous and really makes it impossible to think logically.

I am not in AA but did borrow from 'rational recovery' and their AVRT tool in my recovery. Learning to identify that alcoholic voice was crucial for me.

Like "I can't see myself living without alcohol with my mental head". That's an alcoholic thought. It's not logical and just not true (that you won't be able to live without it).

I really had to work so hard to retrain my brain but it was rewarding (most!) every step of the way.

This place is a lifesaver, literally!
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Old 05-29-2011, 10:33 AM
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Learning how to deal with cravings is important and knowing what start up the cravings is something you need to found out about. I would try to learn why you need to drink and start taking a proactive step on how going out and buying alcohol to avoid life or hide. It's not hard to do when you want to change or ready to change.

Welcome to SR!
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Old 05-29-2011, 10:42 AM
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Old 05-29-2011, 10:42 AM
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Welcome to Sober recovery. I have only been here for a few weeks and it sounds like you are going through hell. I love a Churchill quote that goes something like this "If you are going through hell keep going".
There are lots of support and friendly people here that have struggled with what you are dealing with right now. So maybe this forum may be of help to you.
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Old 05-29-2011, 11:34 AM
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I think you will find that your mind will clear when you stop drinking and your anxiety will lessen. I had no idea that alcohol caused so much of my anxiety. When you stop for a week and then relapse, I would ask you what other changes you make in your life besides stopping drinking? If your depression is a result of drinking, then it will likely clear up in the next month or so, but if the depression was there originally, then it might be a good idea to talk to your dr.
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Old 05-29-2011, 02:23 PM
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Welcome Kathryn
You'll find a lot of support here

I agree with Anna - why not see your Dr, get a check up, relieve your worries about your health and perhaps ask them about your anxiety/depression?

The way out of the cycle is to stop drinking - please do whatever you can do to get yourself some help.

My perceptions really changed after I had some sober time.

Are you going back to AA? have you tried counselling? thinking of another programme? would rehab be an option?

Hope to see you around some more
D
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Old 05-29-2011, 02:41 PM
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///Welcome

When I began my AA steps I shifted from shakey sobriety into solid recovery. .
even if you did them before...you could start fresh and see how that works out.

Glad you joined us
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Old 05-29-2011, 04:58 PM
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Thank you for all of your help, it really means a lot to have people who know how i feel. I have no idea if the depression/anxiety is due to the alcohol or not. Thought i would see how I feel after i have been sober a while before going to the doctor. I will also go back to AA. About to go to my bed sober so today is a success!
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Old 05-29-2011, 05:11 PM
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I didn't think I could live without it either...my mental thinking thought that if I didn't have a constant supply when I binged I'd panic. Well, after I got over that alcoholic thinking I realized that life is SO much more enjoyable sober, so much more worth living with no anxiety, no headaches (literally) and life's path is paved for me to follow.
IF you can make it through the first week...we've got this.
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Old 05-29-2011, 05:57 PM
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Hii and welcome. When I relapsed I had trouble the past couple months trying to make it past a week too and now Im on day 21. Hang in there.
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Old 05-29-2011, 06:02 PM
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Welcome, do you have a plan?

For me, after many unsuccessful attempts to quit and stay quit, I found a solution in AA.
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Old 05-29-2011, 06:21 PM
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Welcome! I found this site a few days ago, and have found reading and responding to posts extremely helpfull. This is day 9 for me, and it is still hard, but I know each day is getting a little easier.

I am sending good wishes your way, congratulations for making it through day one!
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Old 05-29-2011, 09:28 PM
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Congratulations on getting through day 1! Learning to live sober can only be done one day at a time. Be patient with yourself and just get through day 2. We're here for support!:ghug3
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Old 05-29-2011, 09:57 PM
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I had let alcohol control me for years. I just finally had enough. 2010 was a bad year bringing early alcohol related deaths to people near and dear to me..a few drunkin accidents that happened to friends. One guy will never walk right again as a result. Something flipped in my brain where I realized I no longer needed to drown myself in alcohol. I actually at first got angry because when I looked at my sadness I somehow woke up to the fact that I AM IN CONTROL. I am entering my 8th month of sobriety and my anxiety has ceased..I wake up feeling good ..
I never think of getting drunk as an activity I miss. I DID think of all the stupid stunts I pulled in my drunken past and that is enough to keep me from picking up again. Towards the end alcohol wasn't working for me. I found myself at the extremes. Either I was black out drunk..OR I could drink alot and never feel like I was drunk..So pulling all this together I was sick and tired of being so sick!
Glad you are joining us..I wish you well! WELCOME!
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Old 05-30-2011, 06:17 AM
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Welcome to SR, Kathryn!!!!

You will find lots of support here. I am very similar to you, in that I have been in and out of AA for the past 3 or so years (but I'm a bit older...38). I, too, have only been able to maintain very short periods of sobriety in the past few months, and I also deal with depression and anxiety.

I have found that the depression and anxiety make me want to drink, but when I do drink to "self-medicate," it makes my anxiety sooooo much worse and more difficult to deal with!

You will find lots of support and wisdom here at SR. I am on day 4 (again) and check the site every day at least twice a day for support and wisdom and encouragement. Check out AA meetings (empty your head of the past experiences and allow a new appreciation for the wisdom to permeate your mind) as well as other recovery tools, such as Rational Recovery and SMART recovery.

Getting sober and staying sober and Thriving in sobriety entails a complete change of lifestyle. I would also recommend incorporating some sort of excercise into your recovery plan, as it is tremendously helpful for depression and anxiety!
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Old 05-30-2011, 06:40 AM
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Thanks for your post, Kathryn. I have had trouble quitting too, for much the same reason. Today is a great day to begin again. Glorious weather here, and a holiday to boot. I just got back from a 30 min bike ride; my first exercise in over 6 months and feel great. Hope you do too. Have you thought about a little exercise to shake the blues?
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Old 05-30-2011, 06:46 AM
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Just getting started is half the battle. Keep up the good work. I woke up today which is day 36 and it is so nice to feel great and be able to go to the pool for Memorial Day without a hangover- sitting in the 90 degree sun with a hangover is not fun. Stay with it
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Old 06-10-2011, 04:15 PM
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hi

Hi K

A choice to quite the party style is a bitch, some thing i still trying to complete, I only wish you the best for all.


Peace , Dylan
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Old 06-10-2011, 09:17 PM
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I"m exactly like you. I'm in the same boat, every friday I get hammered, get wasted. I binge, I drink.

It's pretty difficult as I"m battling this as well. For some reason, I get the break down on Fridays.
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