Hi Kathryn and welcome!
The start is so hard, as you know. The physical impact of alcohol is enormous and really makes it impossible to think logically.
I am not in AA but did borrow from 'rational recovery' and their AVRT tool in my recovery. Learning to identify that alcoholic voice was crucial for me.
Like "I can't see myself living without alcohol with my mental head". That's an alcoholic thought. It's not logical and just not true (that you won't be able to live without it).
I really had to work so hard to retrain my brain but it was rewarding (most!) every step of the way.
This place is a lifesaver, literally!