Anna

I don't think it's wrong to feel that way, sad maybe, but not wrong. After all, do you think your co-workers share their deepest secrets and insecurities with you? When I was in early recovery I thought I was the only person with such a dark side. I have learned that many people have things in their lives that they don't readily share.

CarolD

at one point...the end stage alcoholic considered themselves
to be a social drinker....never mind high functioning anything.

My wise decision to quit had nothing to do with external circumstances.
Becoming a non drinker simply is the best course for me....

LaFemme

You don't need to tell your coworkers of your problems with alcohol...I actually think it better you not. I am at a conference in Atlanta right now for a work conference everyone will be drinking tonight And tomorrow...I will not. If someone asks why I will say I don't like to drink end of story.

JohnBarleycorn

I had a boss/supervisor who did not drink at all, working in an environment where almost everyone did drink after work, including his bosses, and where there where several very "High Functioning" *real* alcoholics.

He just said he didn't drink. He never questioned anyone else's drinking. I always suspected he might be AA, but I never asked him, and he never told me.

For my part, I intend to emulate his approach. It is nobody's business, but if pressed, I can always say "I don't drink. I never drink, and I don't want to change that. I don't mind in the least how other people drink. Please show me the same courtesy."

For whatever it's worth, I also saw some very smart HFAs go off the deep end fast. It is a precarious balancing act, and it is very easy to lose it. All it takes is one good crisis.

1_day@_a_time

Yes, it is easy enough to just simply say you have quit or don't drink. It does not need to be a "secret", but a simple choice.

Concerning myself with what others think I believe is detrimental to me and my growth.

This is not always easy, but quite simple. It's a process, like life.

Terry Cole-Whittaker wrote an entire book about it,

"What You Think of Me is None of My Business".

So there must be something to it!

Germanos

I definitely think it is a stage of progression. At this stage I could be in social settings and drive normally and even not get too drunk but feel good.

Then I hit the next stage last summer. Going to eat by myself at work during lunch so I could drink, drinking on my way to work at 6 in the morning, stopping at the bar on my way home. More recently in the past 4 months I started getting really drunk without realizing it, doing stupid stuff. Separating myself from society, not being able to look people in the eyes because of shame. Just completely giving in to the alcohol.

If only I knew that this "happy phase" of drinking is a warning sign that s$*! is about to hit the fan. Like they say, if you ever question yourself about how much you drink.. you are probably on a way to a problem. I wish I would have listened to all of the warning signs.

jch116

I agree that high functioning is a stage in the progression of alcoholism. I used to be so proud of myself that I could get to work on time, do my job, keep my house neat and clean and make it to my kids school functions. Thought I wasn't a "real" alcoholic because I could still function day to day and get totally wasted 3 or 4 nights a week. The last few years though were hell and I definitely wasn't functioning well. Calling in to work frequently, cancelling plans with family and friends because I was too sick to get out of bed or off the couch, and blacking out more than half of the times that I drank. The only difference between me and those who I thought were "real" alcoholics was time. Alcoholism is progressive and deadly. The one thing I dislike about the term high functioning alcoholic is that I think that maybe for some alcoholics like myself, one can delude themselves into thinking they have it all together, they aren't sick because they can still get most things done. That's so far from the truth. If I had been a low bottom drunk from the beginning I might have quit sooner. I'm glad I began to not be able to function or I never would have been able to admit that I was powerless over alcohol, that I needed help. I'm actually grateful for my downward slide.

lookinforward

I was one of those "smart" HFA's. So I am told. Within the past couple of years... I started to notice a deterioration of my highly developed coping skills.I had become as Dee discribed "that Guy". I wasnt running the show anymore. Even my drinking buddies were pointing out my lack of me being me.
I work in life and death situations. I never felt out of control. I always covered all the bases. T's crossed I's dotted. I woke up one day and it slapped me in the face. Some of the T's werent crossed. I missed a few I's. WTF happened to me? I am going to kill somebody if I dont stop this insane behavior. If not somebody else......ME!

becoming- I guess what I am trying to say is....I check marked everything on your list as to how I use to perceive myself a few years ago. It was a very quick stumble into the insanity that became my present life.... that is until March 8.
It is what it is. I am an alcoholic and there isn't a thing in the world that can change that fact. I will live with it. I will beat it down everyday. I choose not to drink.
Life is good.
Everyone have a great sober weekend!
Day by day
Dave

ReadyAndAble

I have a good job. Always paid my bills on time. Hit the gym at least three or four times a week. Managed to walk my dog and put my daughter to bed before I got conspicuously drunk.

And I'd wake up promising myself I would not drink, and then be right back at it by nightfall. Seems to me that's functioning like an alcoholic, plain and simple.

Drinking a whole bottle of wine while my daughter was asleep down the hall, with no one to look after her but me—that's pretty darn low in my book.

becoming

Hi everyone – and thank you for your comments. I completely see how being a high functioning alcoholic is a stage in a progressive disease. These are just the traits that I currently identify with. Even though I am functioning I see that as no reason for me to continue drinking. I am determined to quit while I am ahead. Although I am still struggling, I feel like there has been a shift in my consciousness and I feel ready to give it up completely. This change in my attitude towards wanting to give it up entirely from feeling utter despair at just the thought of having to is huge for me. Thank you all for your support. This site has been and will continue to be a huge part of my recovery process. My best to you all!

LoftyIdeals

Thank you, becoming. This has been a lurking issue in my mind for decades, and I've never really thought it through, much less blogged on it. The answers here have been huge for me to. Great thread.

becoming

For me the phrase helped me realize that although I am not living on a park bench and drinking out of a brown paper bag, I still am an alcoholic. I see the danger in someone viewing the fact that the are high functioning as a rational to continue drinking, but I also think the phrase brings light to the fact that you don't have to fit conventional stereotypes to be an alcoholic. I think people who are in this stage of alcoholism all too often do not address the problem until it is too late. For some, like me, this phrase can bring awareness to how serious their problem is. I guess, like anything else, it comes down to how you view it.

Supercrew

I was a successful alcoholic in every sense of the word.

becoming

Just wanted to say thanks to JohnBarleycorn, Anna, 1_day@_a_time, and LaFemme for your advice on how to handle work events. Part of my issue is that a work in a small, close knit group. My coworkers and I often get together outside of the office which is encouraged in our organization. Drinks are usually served and for the past two plus years that I have been there I have drank with everyone. Most of my coworkers are drinkers and know I like to drink so for me to out of the blue stop drinking would be strange. Unfortunately, its not as easy as just telling them I don't drink and it is none of their business. Of course, I will come up with some reason for not drinking, but it will still seem odd to some. At this point it is just causing me some anxiety.

becoming

So glad it was helpful Lofty! Best of luck to you and have a great weekend!

Supercrew

I really felt that letting other people know I was no longer drinking would seem odd to some, but the only people who even questioned it were people who drank like me.

I started with the excuse that the Dr. said I needed to stop for a while for my health..which was true. That got me through the first 2 weeks. (By the way I still have to attend events or meetings where drinks are served weekly.) The next 2 or 3 weeks I said I was on a new workout and diet that didn't allow for alcohol...which was true, and I have lost over 20 LBs. Since then I tell people that the last few months were so successful health wise that I no longer choose to drink....which is also true. Now I have people asking me how to quit, because they have been thinking about it for a long time. i have also received compliments that I am just a more positive person, and I am a pleasure to be around.

It really only seems odd to you, the reality is no one else cares unless they are a problem drinker as well.

Dee74

I worried a lot about what people would think, and it took me a long time to get past the idea I somehow owed people an explanation.

The truth is most people thought nothing at all...there's a lot of people who don't drink, or who stop drinking for very valid reasons.

9 times out of 10 'no thanks I don't drink/don't drink anymore' is enough.

for the tenth time, "why?" is a great answer to 'why not?'

D

becoming

Thanks so much Dee and Supercrew, much appreciated! Supercrew I was actually thinking of approaching it in a similar fashion to how you did and that is likely what I will do. And Dee I know that you are right that I am the one who thinks it is the most odd. I'll get through it, it just kinda sucks lol.

coffeenut

Very interesting thread. I have never thought about this topic in this way.

I have a friend who prides herself on being a hfa. She's anything but, as she's passed that phase and doesn't realize it. It will soon kill her.

1_day@_a_time

Becoming, with a pleasant smile on your face, why not something as simple as "Drinking is really not working for me any longer, it's time to take a new direction".

Done.

You really don't need to offer up anything more.

If you are at all like me, your mind complicates life.