becoming

Hi everyone - Below are excerpts from a NYT article reviewing the book Understanding the High-Functioning Alcoholic. I have not read the book but the below really hit home for me. One of the most difficult things for me about abstaining long term is the fear of future work events where all my colleagues will be drinking and none know that I struggle with alcohol. The work place is tricky because as much as it is wrong, I feel that admitting I struggle with alcohol will negatively affect my colleagues perception of me. The other thing that is hard for me is that some people, including family members, do not think my drinking is a problem and think that me giving it up completely is unnecessary. This to me is odd because almost all these people have dealt with the aftermath of me drinking to excess on many occasssions. Okay done with the rambling and on to the excepts. Stay strong this Friday (and weekend) everyone!


High-functioning alcoholics may not be physically addicted to alcohol, abstaining for days or weeks without suffering withdrawal symptoms. But they are psychologically dependent on alcohol, often focused on when they can drink again and convinced that they need to drink in certain settings. They are also likely to experience blackouts, remembering nothing the next day about a night of heavy drinking, with only a hangover as evidence of their abusive behavior.

Characteristics of high-functioning alcoholics:

-They have trouble controlling their intake even after deciding that they will drink no more alcohol than a given amount.

-They find themselves thinking obsessively about drinking — when and where and with whom they will drink next.

-When they drink, they behave in ways that are uncharacteristic of their sober self.

-They experience blackouts, unable to remember what took place during a drinking bout.

“It’s not the number of drinks that defines an alcoholic, it’s what happens to you when you’re drinking.”

Dee74

Hi becoming

I actually don't believe in 'high functioning alcoholics'...at best it's a dangerous misnomer...

I may have been able to fool people - I did my job, I paid my bills, I didnt embarrass myself too much, or no more than anyone else...but I was not, in all real sense functioning.

The amount of effort I put into keeping up appearances was phenomenal...and eventually, inevitably, I slipped up....

I used my fears about what people would think, how would not drink affect my career etc, to keep drinking...

eventually I lost both my career and I lost my self respect....I also lost most, if not all, of that outward 'functioning' I had. I became that guy - the neighbourhood drunk...

This disease is progressive...if you're 'high functioning' now, don't assume you always will be, because my life turned around very quickly.

D

Coolmummy

I'm in the middle about this one. I think I am a 'high functioning' alcoholic, or should that be 'was'? I had a very stressful high powered job and managed to perform it exceptionally well, I would go without a drink for ages, being smug and smarmy about my 'restraint', but I really did spend ages planning the next 'binge', secretly stashing the drinks for friday night, get plastered in under an hour and pass out! The following week, I was back to 'normal' at work. It was only when I accepted the fact that I could not manage life with alcohol in it, that I sytopped. It's ever so early days for me - 30 days today in fact, but I would say I functioned when drinking.

crisplover

I also used to think that I was a hfa but recently I can see this thing progressing. And it's scary. Drinking in the morning to ease a hangover, hiding drink in sports drink bottles, drinking in the car... I have done all these things over the last 6 mths. Hadn't done them before.

I agree with Dee, I think it's dangerous to think that you aren't a 'proper' alki. I think that everyone's journeys are different, but we all get to the same place in the end. The bottom.

24hrsAday

there was at one point in time that i guess i was what could be called "functional" i was proud of myself i could still do the job and drink as much as i was.. it was a very short period. if you are an Alcoholic it almost always is! in the end it was no secret i was like Dee said: That Drunk Guy from down the street..

spryte

Thanks for the post; I have struggled with this 'high functioning thing'. Some people don't think I have a problem unless I'm taking a straightener in the morning. I have chosen not to discuss it with those people. I really don't like convincing people I have a problem and laying out my hurts just so they will understand. My recovery is a personal thing between me and a couple of close people and other people in recovery.

Yeah, I guess I was a HFA; however, sometimes when I dwell on the concept, I think more about the 'functioning' part, which is not helpful to my recovery.

I kept drinking despite the harm it was doing; and I couldn't stop; and it was getting worse with time. There was good stuff I did for myself as well, but that didn't cancel out how I drank and how I drank was bad.

I drank regularly over a long period of time for all the wrong reasons and the concequences were piling up over time. Drinking had become it's own thing in my life. I didn't need a reason; I drank because OF COURSE I drink. It was there with my job and family (not with friends or hobbies - I let go of them as time went on). Drinking, job, job , drinking. It was starting to edge out my job and family.

I havent been stopped drinking long; I'm on and off and struggling, and it can be pretty overwhelming, but I have become clear that abstinance has to be my goal. I don't need any more concequences to pile up to convince me that I have a problem.

"You look at where you're going and where you are and it never makes sense, but then you look back at where you've been and a pattern seems to emerge. " Robert M. Pirsig

I think I went off on a ramble there becoming, and it wasn't really what your post was about? It's a rambling kind of morning for me.

Lenetrk

I think initially we all would like to think we are "functioning" alcoholics. But the fact that the word even needs to be used to describe something that we know inevitably will become destructive,both emotionally and physically, to me doesn't make a lot of sense.If you're an alcoholic you're not "functioning" the way you should. I think people who aren't ready to be honest with themselves that they are truly an alcoholic,it gives us a justification to keep drinking.Even though the end result is the same.We don't need to put any other label on it. God Bless

RV GTO

Interesting thread and outstanding comments. I guess I considered myself a "high functioning" alcoholic at one time but I was always hiding some element of my drinking while "functioning". It eventually progressed to full blown alcohol addiction - proof for me this insidious disease is progressive.

Maryjan

This post was extremely helpful to me, as I've been wrestling with the question of whether or not I am an alcoholic. That list is me, exactly, which answers it: I am, just a "high-functioning" one. With the help of my HP and SR, I won't ever get worse.

yeahgr8

Totally agree...it's a ridiculous phrase that just re-enforces the alcoholics denial of reality...

Goes hand in hand with the old myth that alcoholics live on park benches and drink out of brown paper bags and anything above that is high functioning and something to be proud of!

LoftyIdeals

I don't know how to move a post, but I just addressed this issue on the March 2011 thread, without having read this. This thread is very helpful. I think I will start thinking of myself as a progressive alcoholic, because that's what happened. And that's what will happen again, if I take a drink.

I didn't enter Lent thinking I was quitting forever. I just knew I needed a dry spell, and 40 days seemed right. I've done it before. After finding this site, I am praying that I no longer see this as a "break", but as a change in lifestyle.

Draciack

Just to add:

High-functioning is a very subjective concept to me. Sure, I had a good GPA, was volunteering in the community, held a job, paid the bills, etc., and on paper that looks really good, really functional on a high level.

But my new life in sobriety compared to the old? It makes the high-functioning alcoholic life look stale.

jamdls

I never thought of myself as an HFA, never heard the term before I quit drinking, but it is very descriptive of my drinking. I didn't drink every day, rarely drank 2 days in a row; if I drank during the week I could regularly have just 1-2 glasses of wine; could go for extended periods of time w/o drinking and not miss it; I never had a craving not before nor since I quit; no one who knew me was even aware I had a drinking problem even those who were not drinkers; but I knew and I was a total blackout drunk. I used to think to myself "if I didn't have to get up and go to work every day I'd turn into a "real alcoholic".
The last line is what I now believe:
“It’s not the number of drinks that defines an alcoholic, it’s what happens to you when you’re drinking.”

Danae

I think these concepts can be helpful to some people, while harmful to others.

I'm one of the people who found it helpful---it explained why friends and family might not "get" why I needed to stop. But hey, I'm still an alcoholic!

And again, since alcoholism is progressive, no one can count on being "functional" (whatever that means) forever.

Zebra1275

I don't agree with the term high functioning alcoholic, but I thought I was one because I was very successful in many aspects of life. The fact that I managed to keep the charade going for so long really allowed me to feed my denial. But if I label myself an HFA, I'm an HFA compared to what? Maybe I still had a job and family and didn't live under a highway overpass, but I wasn't functioning at a level that I could have been without alcohol. And I was damn miserable, how is that "high functioning?" The concept of HFA just keep me in denial a lot longer than I needed to be.

I go to AA now, and it has never occurred to me to introduce myself as "Hi, I'm John and I'm a high functioning alcoholic." I can introduce myself as an alcoholic at meetings, but I could never introduce myself as an HFA, it wouldn't be honest.

reggiewayne

I qualify! I experienced everyone of those.... Not today. Sobriety works just fine!!

March7

I think high functioning is a stage of alcoholism, it's how I would classify the majority of my drinking years- but the past year or so I would classify myself as just an alcoholic, since the high functioning has been falling apart and unraveling slowly, I could feel myself slipping into a deeper, darker level of alcoholism and this is what caused me to finally go to an AA meeting and ask for help, and start posting my thoughts on SR.
And to think, just a few days ago I didn't even want to call myself an alcoholic at all... I am so grateful for this forum and everything I am learning here.

yoli

That's what happened to me too. Really fell apart in the last year.

Because I could still take care of business, I rationalized to myself that yes, I have a problem, but it's not that bad.

Then it got bad, and here I am.

Fandy

yes, me too....and I went south in a matter of less than 4-5 months....I remember not coming out of my house (or showering) for five days and not even caring because I was so depressed. I agree that High functioning is just a stage.

1_day@_a_time

WHO CARES WHAT "OTHER"PEOPLE THINK?

What is best for YOUR life?

And I have found after numerous years it is a non-issue in business.