dazed123

I hate people who blame their mommy for things that they do. I know it is my responsibility. I make very certain that my drinking hurts no one else. I will never have to stand in front of a judge and say "gee, my lame excuse for doing this is my mommy". But at the same time, every December I get depressed. I do not know exactly why, but a shrink told me a long time ago this is why, and I have no other good answer.

When I went to AA I noticed a lot of people liked to blame "something" or "someone" else. For me, this was a lot of the problem with AA because it made me dislike a lot of the people.

dazed123

Oh...and ya, Valuim can really help the drinking but 15 coffees a day to bring me back to life.....that is not happiness either.

One time I took Valuim not to drink, but then I did go drink. It caused a complete blackout. This makes me affraid to take it at this point since my head is not clear. I am affraid I will take it, and then go drink anyway, and what then? What will happen?

I wish I could smoke pot. I think it is a lot safer. But I do not like the buzz.

least

Why not?? Are you afraid to stop drinking or just don't want to? It's the only way to help yourself, you know, to stop drinking. I didn't think I could quit either but am almost to a year sober... so it can be done. If I were you I'd put aside my preconceived notions and just get to a doctor pronto. The longer you keep drinking, the worse it will get.

SSIL75

It doesn't sound to me like you are blaming your mom. I think it's insightful to know where your pain comes from. And helpful, too.

I think when you grow up without a sense of peace it's really hard to be comfortable with peace as an adult. I know I grew up with depressed parents and alcoholics in the home and it's only now that I'm feeling at ease with normal life. I'm also living far from where I grew up. I rode the chaos train halfway around the world. Even managed to get a normal life on the outside. But only now (5 years into my fake normal life) do I feel peace on the inside. It takes a while to get used to it. To learn to enjoy the stuff that normal people do.

It's good to know where you're coming from. Now the trick is to figure out where you're going

dazed123

I just noticed something. When I go back and read what I wrote it actually helps me remember and think over things. I never really thought too much about how many years I drank. But after writing it out, I started to think about how long it actually has been. I use to play a lot of basketball when I was younger. I am a tall person and use to be thin. But with the booze all that ended. I never thought about that in all these years. But now that I think about it, it has been about 15 years since I bounced a ball.

SSIL75

Depressing, isn't it? How alcoholism is just not compatible with real life. I could cry when I think of all the things I let go. I'm getting them back though. And you can too.

dazed123

Yeppers. I sold my car a couple of years ago. I was not drunk driving, but I went out one night and got so loaded I blacked out. I normally do not black out. As far as I know I took a taxi home. But I thought to myself how much of a close call it was. So I have been taking taxis ever since all because of booze.

Chops

Dude, alcohol replaced everything that I used to love, basketball, the gym, fishing, reading, everything.....

Ok this might be too much information but here goes, I went 2 years without getting laid my drinking was so bad. Not that I could not have done it, I just was in the house with my vodka and could not have cared less.

Hows that for honesty:-)

Glad your here and glad your sharing... keep it up!

SJTChiSox

There is no way that an urgent need for medical care will be rejected in Canada. In England I was able to see a doctor immediately when I had an accident. Quit bloviating about "Socialism" and "ObamaCare" over the internet and go see a Doctor. Many in the US cannot currently see a doctor due to cost, which is why they are asking you if you are uninsured. Be grateful that you have coverage and take care of your problem.

223

Actually Canada has a "single payer" model. We Canadians pay into one common provincial health insurance plan. That part is socialized. The actual care for the most part is carried out by the private sector. For example, I get a physical from my family Dr. and he sends the bill for that to the "insurance plan" and gets paid. Out of that, he pays his rent, utilities, staff etc. If he sends me for blood work or an Xray, the clinic, operated privately, invoices the "plan" in the same way my doctor does. It's very seamless and I've never seen a bill and I use the system a lot.

In actual Socialized medicine, doctors are directly employed by the government and often your doctor is assigned to you by zip code.

But you need to be a resident of Canada for six months I believe to be covered. And as SJT suggests, I can't believe because dazed is not covered, he cannot get medical care in Canada.

I think the issue is that one cannot pay for medically necessary services from a doctor if they are covered by a provincial health care plan. Or something like that.

I'm not an expert in this area so I stand to be corrected.

Anyhow dazed, I wish you all the best with your problem and really hope that you are able to get some proper medical help soon!

223

-sorry, duplicate-

dazed123

223 -You left out something important. What the government pays the doctor is set at a fixed price not a free market price. As a result, any good doctor who is educated in Canada moves to the US where he can make some real money. So Canada ends up with 3rd world educated doctors or the guys who could not make it in the US (the losers). So if the Obummer dream comes true, all good US doctors will go elsewhere, where they get paid correctly. Or they will go setup shop in countries close to the US to treat Americans.

I am not covered in Canada because I have been out of the country more than 6 months. If I wanted a 3rd world educated doctor I might as well stay where I am.

smacked

So, you don't want medical care, and you don't want to quit drinking... I get it.

What is it you're looking for here then?

SwanSong

Personally, when I was in the depths of my disease nothing was ever good enough and everyone was wrong or wronging me.

Breaking through denial had to occur before I had even the remotest chance of accepting & finding help. Your mileage may vary.

dazed123

Well, I am on an island that has really crappy medical services. So I asked a question on here about B1 not knowing it was against the rules. I have been feeling very sick lately. I guess I will have to fly to the US very soon to find out what is wrong. I guess I have no real reason to be on here, bye.