Shalisan

I'm still having trouble sleeping and feeling tired, and then I have times when I feel so good! And proud of myself. Up and down. Part of it is detoxing. I have tried an energy drink the last couple of mornings as the teens had some in the fridge. I was trying to kick myself into gear, but I think it just added to the whole up and down thing. I really need to drink water and herbal tea and so forth.

Chakra

Dee-What is a fortnight?

PennyLove

Chakra - I believe a fortnight = 2 weeks

Dee74

Sorry Chakra - I thought 'fortnight' was a universal expression
yep - two weeks!

D

xuse

Day 3 i have to make it im gona take it hour by hour day by day what it takes im feeling id have to say alot better but not great the only other person i no who has this problem is my brother which im very close to and love but ia was my biggest drinking buddy as soon as i was around him i went on a two day bender after almost two weeks of being dry

Dee74

Welcome to the group xuse

D

Shalisan

I went out tonight with a guy who doesn't drink. I figured that would be a good choice, and it was good to hear his story. But then, coming home, past six liquor stores on the one road home... I didn't want to drink. I promised myself I wouldn't drink. I don't want to drink ever again. I imagine a future without drinking. But in that ten minute drive home, I came so close to stopping to buy a bottle. All the logical reasons, completely illogical, played through my mind: no one's home tonight; no one will know; I don't have to work early in the morning; what difference is it if I quit this week or next week? The guy tonight mentioned that it took two years to feel right after quitting drinking. My craziest logical argument was, maybe I should just taper off so I don't have to go through two years of feeling bad (I KNOW I can not taper down). I even pulled into the parking lot of the plaza of one liquor store, and was so close to pulling into the final mall before home. But I didn't. And as soon as I got home, I put on my PJs so I wouldn't change my mind, and I was really glad I stayed sober tonight. What a stupid thing, this addiction, that would come so close to convincing me to make a decision that is very much against what I want. At least for tonight, I didn't do it.

xuse

thats what im most afraid of giving in again if i had a dollar for every time i said it was the last time iwould be a rich rich rich man

Shalisan

I'm one to talk, xuse, because I sure don't have it down, but I think you just need to worry about today. Don't drink for the next hour. That's what I was telling myself when I drove away from that parking lot, "Maybe tomorrow I'll make a different choice, but for tonight I'm just not buying that booze."

HReady

That's a good Reward.

HReady

Good for You!
A quote that someone said on another Forum: If you don't buy it, you won't drink it.

xuse

maybe i need a new hobby

Wholesome

I just want to say how inspirational I find all of you.

scared1

I am so proud of you Shalisan!!! Good will power.

Chakra

That rocks Shalisan!! Reminds me of what I heard Rodney King say that really sticks with me. (I love Celeb Rehab AND Dr Drew!!) He said that he tells himself: "I might drink tomorrow but I KNOW I'm not drinking today." He added that helped him get the year of sobriety he was celebrating at the time that show aired.
I am using that to help myself and it really really works! btw, Does anyone else think Dr. Drew is a total hottie? lol

Shalisan

I woke up this morning and felt the usual shame and remorse as I thought back to how I screwed up and drank again, and then remembered I didn't, lol. I also had one of those realization moments that one of these times, sheer willpower won't be enough. I have to work through some sort of a program. I have tried AA, and it really doesn't seem to be a good fit with my worldview. I am researching alternatives. I know I have to actively engage in my change, not just rely on determination.

HReady

Shali~Have you tried to take Yoga classes or some kind of meditation?
Yoga is helping me inside and out.
And...I have had some mental break throughs w/it. Like...I know what I have to do. It's just taking me a while to get there. I have had many Dry spells. Last dry spell was May for 15 days. Don't know why I started it up again. I guess I'm still in denial that just one isn't enough for me. Then why even have one? I'm still pondering on that.

HReady

Gonna try saying that to myself.

Shalisan

How's everyone doing tonight? I was at a BBQ earlier, and everyone was drinking. It was not so hard to not drink, but I sure didn't feel like the social queen I usually am. I felt...boring. I was always the social leader at events, until I drank too much and got stupid. I would try to pace myself so that that was later in the night before I was stupid.

I had a great day. I rode my bike before work to the next town over, on the most gorgeous paths in the early morning summer sun. I had a great power walk at lunch time. I am feeling better and better.

Chakra

I understand! I too don't feel like I'm any fun when I'm not drinking but then again, I don't really know this sober person that I am right now. I hope I like her.

I'm happy to hear you had such a great day and even more happy that you are feeling better and better.