Right now I want to drink and...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: midwest
Posts: 94
You are 21 years old. It is your choice to go to rehab. You said in an earlier post that you were ready. I think you should listen to that voice. Your mother is not a mental health professional. She doesn't seem to recognize the clear signs of alcohol and depression. I am not sure what she thinks will work and she does not sound very supportive.
There is a saying: If only youth knew. If only age could.
You won't even remember much about this guy in 5 years. I know it seems like the world at this moment.
I was a young girl quite like yourself but at more of a disadvantage--I didn't even know that I had a problem. Do you know how lucky you are to have recognized that you have a problem at this young age? You are so far ahead of the curve. Go with that advantage!
Don't spend your 20s being preoccupied by losers and not focusing on yourself. You can't imagine now how quickly it will all pass. There is more to life than these relationships.
You have escaped so far relatively unscathed. From the little that I have read you have engaged in some very risky behavior. Your mother seems unwilling to accept the reality of your situation. She may have her own reasons as to why she is unwilling to steer you in the right direction. She doesn't want you to be around "those" people. Guess what: You are one of those people. I am one of those people. I think you need to be surrounded by professionals that know exactly how to help "those" people.
There is a saying: If only youth knew. If only age could.
You won't even remember much about this guy in 5 years. I know it seems like the world at this moment.
I was a young girl quite like yourself but at more of a disadvantage--I didn't even know that I had a problem. Do you know how lucky you are to have recognized that you have a problem at this young age? You are so far ahead of the curve. Go with that advantage!
Don't spend your 20s being preoccupied by losers and not focusing on yourself. You can't imagine now how quickly it will all pass. There is more to life than these relationships.
You have escaped so far relatively unscathed. From the little that I have read you have engaged in some very risky behavior. Your mother seems unwilling to accept the reality of your situation. She may have her own reasons as to why she is unwilling to steer you in the right direction. She doesn't want you to be around "those" people. Guess what: You are one of those people. I am one of those people. I think you need to be surrounded by professionals that know exactly how to help "those" people.
Jiva
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Chico, California
Posts: 16
SS I am so glad you didn't get hurt or hurt someone else. I was fortunate to have not hurt someone when I wrecked my car. I am actually grateful I got my DUI it woke me up, unfortunatly I relapsed, but I am working on that. My sister was killed by a drunk driver 10am walking to church of all things, So I am fortunate for all of us who haven't hurt anyone. Fortunatly they caught the guy, lets just say he's going to not be drinking or getting out of prison for awhile. Be safe alright.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi SS - just wanted to see how you're doing.....
So, when's your appointment today? I hope you can finally begin a course of action after talking to your new therapist. Let us know how it goes, OK?
So, when's your appointment today? I hope you can finally begin a course of action after talking to your new therapist. Let us know how it goes, OK?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 261
Please update us with how the therapist session went.
Yesterday, I was in the school gym working out and I was doing some exercises in the class exercise rooms. No one was in there and then the teacher comes in. I asked her if there was a class starting and she said there should be a class at 11:15 but no one was in there. Anyways, a few mins later, this girl walks in for that 11:15am class. The teacher said that she was going to cancel since no one showed up. The girl pretty much just breaks down and said she NEEDED this class. Of course, this caught my attention while I was doing my lunges.
She tells us that after the Memorial weekend, her bf decides that he doesnt want to move in with her and that he wants to see other people. So basically i'm assuming they broke up. She was very upset and was obviously crying. Not only was she emotionally tied with this guy, she had already split the down payment on the apt with him. I think their down payment was first month's rent which was 500 bucks.
This girl is a PHD student and will be done in another quarter or so and is probably around my age, which is 27. She was saying that her ex was 27 so i'm assuming that they were around the same age and he was a PHD student too. We tried to comfort her and everything but of course she was just emotionally in pain.
It brought back memories for me because I have emotions too and it really sucked when my relationship went down the drain, especially when a lot of it was when I was drinking. The teacher said that oh, this guy is a jerk and you shouldnt be with him which is true. Being around alcoholics in meetings everyday, I forget that she is probably a normie. I told her that she needs some time to grieve because breaking up really hurts and it causes emotional stress. Then I told her that, she needs to release this stress in healthy ways. I said that being in the gym is a good way or even go see a counselor and talk about it and dont go out and party and drink.
After, I realized she probably doesnt go out and drink her feelings away because that is something I would do because i'm an alcoholic and she probably is not. My point is that you do need that grieving time. Besides the whole alcohol thing, you need your time to grieve over these situations. We can say all we want about how bad this guy is or how you are better off without him but until YOU are ready emotionally, it wont really matter what we say.
The alcohol and your current emotions is a deadly combination.
Yesterday, I was in the school gym working out and I was doing some exercises in the class exercise rooms. No one was in there and then the teacher comes in. I asked her if there was a class starting and she said there should be a class at 11:15 but no one was in there. Anyways, a few mins later, this girl walks in for that 11:15am class. The teacher said that she was going to cancel since no one showed up. The girl pretty much just breaks down and said she NEEDED this class. Of course, this caught my attention while I was doing my lunges.
She tells us that after the Memorial weekend, her bf decides that he doesnt want to move in with her and that he wants to see other people. So basically i'm assuming they broke up. She was very upset and was obviously crying. Not only was she emotionally tied with this guy, she had already split the down payment on the apt with him. I think their down payment was first month's rent which was 500 bucks.
This girl is a PHD student and will be done in another quarter or so and is probably around my age, which is 27. She was saying that her ex was 27 so i'm assuming that they were around the same age and he was a PHD student too. We tried to comfort her and everything but of course she was just emotionally in pain.
It brought back memories for me because I have emotions too and it really sucked when my relationship went down the drain, especially when a lot of it was when I was drinking. The teacher said that oh, this guy is a jerk and you shouldnt be with him which is true. Being around alcoholics in meetings everyday, I forget that she is probably a normie. I told her that she needs some time to grieve because breaking up really hurts and it causes emotional stress. Then I told her that, she needs to release this stress in healthy ways. I said that being in the gym is a good way or even go see a counselor and talk about it and dont go out and party and drink.
After, I realized she probably doesnt go out and drink her feelings away because that is something I would do because i'm an alcoholic and she probably is not. My point is that you do need that grieving time. Besides the whole alcohol thing, you need your time to grieve over these situations. We can say all we want about how bad this guy is or how you are better off without him but until YOU are ready emotionally, it wont really matter what we say.
The alcohol and your current emotions is a deadly combination.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Boston, MA (Mattapan) Legit ghetto but I love it
Posts: 174
Well just had a very long very very difficult conversation with my parents. I guess I wasn’t being as honest as I thought because they weren’t aware how much and how badly my drinking was… they are really worried and really hurt by what I’m doing and yet the whole time I was thinking “God I wish I had a drink right now” and I would give ANYTHING to have some alcohol right now… how f’d up is that?
But long story short I’m going to rehab tomorrow. I called the treatment hospital. It 3-5 days of detox and from there they decide what your best option is.
I’ve already been sober for three since my parents have been all over me so I don’t need this detox but I guess we will see where it goes.
I wish I could reply to each and every one of you who have helped me in this thread and others but I am emotionally drained right now but I want you all to know how much you've helped me. You are ALL amazing people and without you I would NEVER have told me parents and would never have any chance to turn my life around. I mean that. You have no idea. You have all probably changed my life. If I can manage to get this under control you're the ones who got me to go to rehab so thank you so much bc I don't want my life to be over at 21 because of some fukin' asswipe who treats me like crap
But long story short I’m going to rehab tomorrow. I called the treatment hospital. It 3-5 days of detox and from there they decide what your best option is.
I’ve already been sober for three since my parents have been all over me so I don’t need this detox but I guess we will see where it goes.
I wish I could reply to each and every one of you who have helped me in this thread and others but I am emotionally drained right now but I want you all to know how much you've helped me. You are ALL amazing people and without you I would NEVER have told me parents and would never have any chance to turn my life around. I mean that. You have no idea. You have all probably changed my life. If I can manage to get this under control you're the ones who got me to go to rehab so thank you so much bc I don't want my life to be over at 21 because of some fukin' asswipe who treats me like crap
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Boston, MA (Mattapan) Legit ghetto but I love it
Posts: 174
Just curious though um far as contact with other people...? Can I have a phone or a computer? I'm guess the answer to the comp is DEF NOT and the answer to a phone is probably not... but IDK. I don't want to be completely cut off from the world??
And like... after 3-5 days is it like "Oh peace out go out into the world now and just come back for a few hours a day" or...? I don't know really what the expect.
And like... after 3-5 days is it like "Oh peace out go out into the world now and just come back for a few hours a day" or...? I don't know really what the expect.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 40,403
It really depends on the place. When I was in detox, I was there for 6 days. No computers, but then, there really was no time anyway. The days are spent in classes and meetings. No cell phones were allowed, but there were phones where you could make calls between classes and such. Don't worry about being cut off from the world. It's only for a few days and you'll be busy anyway. Just go with it and pay attention. Let them help you.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi SS - Are you going into a 30 day program? I think that's usually the minimum they recommend.
I've been to two treatment centers and if I remember right, there is a period of time when they don't allow contact with family or friends. It's not really as bad as it sounds, though. They do it so that everyone can concentrate on what's going on with THEM, instead of getting distracted by other people and the drama that can sometimes entail. So, it's a good thing.
When I went, it was a relief to be able to have a routine, a day filled with talking, meetings, classes and counseling (and some free time to do puzzles, walk, journal, read or whatever), good food and new friends going through the same thing I was. I wouldn't have traded it for the world. It's great that you're doing this now, while you don't have alot of other responsibilities like rent, job, even kids.
I don't think you'll regret it. All the best!!!!!!!!
I've been to two treatment centers and if I remember right, there is a period of time when they don't allow contact with family or friends. It's not really as bad as it sounds, though. They do it so that everyone can concentrate on what's going on with THEM, instead of getting distracted by other people and the drama that can sometimes entail. So, it's a good thing.
When I went, it was a relief to be able to have a routine, a day filled with talking, meetings, classes and counseling (and some free time to do puzzles, walk, journal, read or whatever), good food and new friends going through the same thing I was. I wouldn't have traded it for the world. It's great that you're doing this now, while you don't have alot of other responsibilities like rent, job, even kids.
I don't think you'll regret it. All the best!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
SS.....I wish you well in treatment. Keep posting when you can but know that we you come out that SR is here for you and full of support.
I just want to add that while we support you and as you gain more self confidence in sobriety.....NO ONE made you do rehab but you. You made that choice to take action and I am tremendously proud of you. You are so doing the right thing and are on your way!!
I am sure plenty of others will offer more input on rehab but I just wanted to wish you the best and let you know that you are one strong woman!! Takes a lot to step up and do what you did!!!
God Bless!
I just want to add that while we support you and as you gain more self confidence in sobriety.....NO ONE made you do rehab but you. You made that choice to take action and I am tremendously proud of you. You are so doing the right thing and are on your way!!
I am sure plenty of others will offer more input on rehab but I just wanted to wish you the best and let you know that you are one strong woman!! Takes a lot to step up and do what you did!!!
God Bless!
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
I wanted to wish you well with your rehab journey. I don't know about the phone or computer, but being 'cut off' from the world might only help you focus more on you, and the program you're working.. you'll be better for it, if you work it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Boston, MA (Mattapan) Legit ghetto but I love it
Posts: 174
Well my parents drove me to rehab this morning and we got there and they said they didn’t have any beds left because the one I was supposed to be in was filled by an emergency person last night… I’m supposed to go on Monday now. I will keep you guys posted.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
you'll be OK for another 36-38 hours.....I know that Saturday nights are typically hard.
I think you are starting to heal.....you called Mr. Facey-space a non-complimentary name and realized he treated you like crap!.....think of the period without a phone and computer as time to heal yourself.
i promise you everyone (and us) will all still be here....don't give Mr. Facey-space any fodder for gossip, they thrive on that sh$$.....
you have a brilliant future ahead of you if you can beat this off and heal....you are stronger than you know....I wish you the best.
I think you are starting to heal.....you called Mr. Facey-space a non-complimentary name and realized he treated you like crap!.....think of the period without a phone and computer as time to heal yourself.
i promise you everyone (and us) will all still be here....don't give Mr. Facey-space any fodder for gossip, they thrive on that sh$$.....
you have a brilliant future ahead of you if you can beat this off and heal....you are stronger than you know....I wish you the best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Boston, MA (Mattapan) Legit ghetto but I love it
Posts: 174
Today was a hard day.
My step dad and step brother (Mark BTW I haven’t talked about him I don’t think) were both crying and so was my Mom because I was being a complete jerk. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve been angry, because of Ryan (My ex) and because I’m not drinking so that has messed with my moods as well. They’re just trying to help me but I keep trying to fight them, which is stupid because a lot of people aren’t lucky enough to get the help from family… I really really want them to go to one of those meetings for family members of alcoholics but I’m not sure they will. Basically my step brother and step dad were crying telling me how they love me and want to help me but they don’t know how and they don’t deserve the anger I’m displacing against them because they just want to help me and they’ve all been talking about how to help me and I keep fighting them…I don’t mean to its just… it’s hard to let go of control and accept help ESPECIALLY for a problem that’s VERY difficult to admit to.
They had me quit my job at the Packie which was a good idea… they don’t let me leave the house w/o their supervision, I’m not allowed to shut the door and they took away my ID… I am craving a drink like crazy. I want to drink so badly. Meetings help. I honestly thought I was going to go INSANE so my Mom took me to a meeting and I feel better now but still. It’s just so hard to face life without alcohol. My parents don’t even want me to work AT ALL but I can’t handle that. I BEGGED them to let me work tomorrow and they finally caved. Working helps me get my mind off of things. The busier I stay the better. My Mom’s deal was I could go to work if I went to a meeting before work, which I was planning to do anyway..
I never knew life without alcohol would be so hard.
My step dad and step brother (Mark BTW I haven’t talked about him I don’t think) were both crying and so was my Mom because I was being a complete jerk. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve been angry, because of Ryan (My ex) and because I’m not drinking so that has messed with my moods as well. They’re just trying to help me but I keep trying to fight them, which is stupid because a lot of people aren’t lucky enough to get the help from family… I really really want them to go to one of those meetings for family members of alcoholics but I’m not sure they will. Basically my step brother and step dad were crying telling me how they love me and want to help me but they don’t know how and they don’t deserve the anger I’m displacing against them because they just want to help me and they’ve all been talking about how to help me and I keep fighting them…I don’t mean to its just… it’s hard to let go of control and accept help ESPECIALLY for a problem that’s VERY difficult to admit to.
They had me quit my job at the Packie which was a good idea… they don’t let me leave the house w/o their supervision, I’m not allowed to shut the door and they took away my ID… I am craving a drink like crazy. I want to drink so badly. Meetings help. I honestly thought I was going to go INSANE so my Mom took me to a meeting and I feel better now but still. It’s just so hard to face life without alcohol. My parents don’t even want me to work AT ALL but I can’t handle that. I BEGGED them to let me work tomorrow and they finally caved. Working helps me get my mind off of things. The busier I stay the better. My Mom’s deal was I could go to work if I went to a meeting before work, which I was planning to do anyway..
I never knew life without alcohol would be so hard.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((SS)) - I'm sorry I'm late, coming in on this thread...been really busy at work, but I just want to say that I am SOOOOO glad you're going to rehab!!
I understand the anger, and I understand the feeling of not understanding how you you "never knew life without alcohol would be so hard". I know you can't see it, now, but you're life will be so much BETTER without it...it's just going to be rough for a while.
I've been really worried about you and keeping you in my prayers. I know a lot of people, here, have. My hugs and prayers will keep coming your way!
Amy
I understand the anger, and I understand the feeling of not understanding how you you "never knew life without alcohol would be so hard". I know you can't see it, now, but you're life will be so much BETTER without it...it's just going to be rough for a while.
I've been really worried about you and keeping you in my prayers. I know a lot of people, here, have. My hugs and prayers will keep coming your way!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
SS it will get better once you get a program of recovery in place. Quitting is physically rough. Takes much strength to go through the withdrawals and not to pick up the bottle. Staying sober is harder because it requires us to make changes in our life and relearn how to live life without the bottle in hand.
Once you get out of rehab there is plenty of support here and where you are. AA an option. Not just attending meetings but really working the steps.
I have made many changes in my life and am still making changes. I am early in my sobriety but there are so many out there who are living full lives in sobriety. 20, 30, 40 years sober.
Hang in there. It is rough now because the alcohol is gone and the sense of panic kicks. Just work for the moment.....sober. Recovery will help you sort through the rest.
All the best.
Once you get out of rehab there is plenty of support here and where you are. AA an option. Not just attending meetings but really working the steps.
I have made many changes in my life and am still making changes. I am early in my sobriety but there are so many out there who are living full lives in sobriety. 20, 30, 40 years sober.
Hang in there. It is rough now because the alcohol is gone and the sense of panic kicks. Just work for the moment.....sober. Recovery will help you sort through the rest.
All the best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Boston, MA (Mattapan) Legit ghetto but I love it
Posts: 174
I hope it gets better because I miserable with all capital letters right now.
I know my family is just trying to help and I should be grateful but right now they’re making me feel worse. I want distractions, I want to go out. But I’m not allowed to leave the house without my Mom or Step Dad. I fell asleep at 6:30 this morning and I haven’t slept in days, I wrote my Mom a note asking her to let me sleep in but she forced me to go to a meeting at 10:00 so she woke me up at 9. I was exhausted I just wanted to sleep, sleep is nice, I get away from my thoughts and falling asleep is a huge challenge right now. I wasn’t in the right mood for a meeting today and I was p/o, tired and not happy about being there the whole time so it didn’t help. Like seriously I just sat in the corner away from everyone, arms crossed and didn't talk or even listen really. (Bad attitude I know a women came up to me after and asked I wanted to talk and I said I wasn't in the right mood but thanks and she just told me to keep coming back but it wouldn't help as much w/o right attitude) I really just wanted to sleep. I know my Mom is just trying to help but cutting me off from life, forcing me to sit in my room and think and hurt and crave the drink isn’t good. They took my ID, they search my bag I can’t drink and if I really wanted to I would an they couldn’t stop me but I won’t. I just need to get out of here, I really just wish she’d let me stay asleep this morning because I can’t stand being in my head this much.
I know my family is just trying to help and I should be grateful but right now they’re making me feel worse. I want distractions, I want to go out. But I’m not allowed to leave the house without my Mom or Step Dad. I fell asleep at 6:30 this morning and I haven’t slept in days, I wrote my Mom a note asking her to let me sleep in but she forced me to go to a meeting at 10:00 so she woke me up at 9. I was exhausted I just wanted to sleep, sleep is nice, I get away from my thoughts and falling asleep is a huge challenge right now. I wasn’t in the right mood for a meeting today and I was p/o, tired and not happy about being there the whole time so it didn’t help. Like seriously I just sat in the corner away from everyone, arms crossed and didn't talk or even listen really. (Bad attitude I know a women came up to me after and asked I wanted to talk and I said I wasn't in the right mood but thanks and she just told me to keep coming back but it wouldn't help as much w/o right attitude) I really just wanted to sleep. I know my Mom is just trying to help but cutting me off from life, forcing me to sit in my room and think and hurt and crave the drink isn’t good. They took my ID, they search my bag I can’t drink and if I really wanted to I would an they couldn’t stop me but I won’t. I just need to get out of here, I really just wish she’d let me stay asleep this morning because I can’t stand being in my head this much.
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