Today was a hard day.
My step dad and step brother (Mark BTW I haven’t talked about him I don’t think) were both crying and so was my Mom because I was being a complete jerk. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve been angry, because of Ryan (My ex) and because I’m not drinking so that has messed with my moods as well. They’re just trying to help me but I keep trying to fight them, which is stupid because a lot of people aren’t lucky enough to get the help from family… I really really want them to go to one of those meetings for family members of alcoholics but I’m not sure they will. Basically my step brother and step dad were crying telling me how they love me and want to help me but they don’t know how and they don’t deserve the anger I’m displacing against them because they just want to help me and they’ve all been talking about how to help me and I keep fighting them…I don’t mean to its just… it’s hard to let go of control and accept help ESPECIALLY for a problem that’s VERY difficult to admit to.
They had me quit my job at the Packie which was a good idea… they don’t let me leave the house w/o their supervision, I’m not allowed to shut the door and they took away my ID… I am craving a drink like crazy. I want to drink so badly. Meetings help. I honestly thought I was going to go INSANE so my Mom took me to a meeting and I feel better now but still. It’s just so hard to face life without alcohol. My parents don’t even want me to work AT ALL but I can’t handle that. I BEGGED them to let me work tomorrow and they finally caved. Working helps me get my mind off of things. The busier I stay the better. My Mom’s deal was I could go to work if I went to a meeting before work, which I was planning to do anyway..
I never knew life without alcohol would be so hard.