Freedom1990

I drank again after 4 years. It took me two months of sheer hell before I was able to drag myself up that long flight of steps to my home group.

I drank because I'm an alcoholic.

I quit doing the things that I had been doing in order to maintain sobriety.

I became terminally unique once again. What those folks did in AA was fine, but I didn't need to do the things they were doing.

Learn from it, and move on. I know exactly how it feels. :ghug3

linjacjen

Bananna Girl, I feel your pain. I could have had six months today too. Hell I could have had it 10 years ago. I have 3 days! I am told it takes what it takes and we needed every drink to get here. I also know the pain, guilt and remorse of relapse. It's horrible and no one can make you feel any worse than you already feel yourself. So I am trying to put the bat away and be kind to myself tonight. You do the same. We am not a bad people trying to be good, but sick people trying to get better. Linda

Rusty Zipper

"What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition."

come to mind here,

good wishes nana

bananagrrrl

I wanted to thank everyone for their advice, love and support.


I picked up my white chip last night and I shared this morning at the meeting. The outpouring of support at both meetings was amazing. I got phone numbers and hugs.

AA is an amazing program and I plan on forging ahead.

I know my sponsor was really disappointed in me. That makes me feel awful, but I am blessed to have her.

She knows I have difficulty sharing in meetings and she felt it was really important that I talk about my relapse. It helped others as well as myself.

I know AA is where I need to be.

24hrsAday

ODAAT.. it Gets Better!

intention

You would have helped a lot of others at those meetings. Well done.

The more you can help others by sharing at meetings, the better it is for you.

notnormal

I've drank after a day, a week, a year and after 5 years... simply because I wanted to drink. I wanted to drink more than I didn't.. this is all about finding a way to not want to drink more than wanting to.
yesterday, i wanted to not drink more... a wonderful day in the scope of things.. for a drunk it's easy to drink...

yeahgr8

The steps of AA will provoke a spiritual awakening which will give you the sobriety you are looking for...i hope you crack on with the steps now to avoid another bit of research or re-do them this time with rigorous honesty...have you talked about this with your sponsor too?

I'm really happy for you that you went and picked up a white chip, showed a great level of humility and are staying at AA...

bananagrrrl

yeahg, the rigorous honesty thing is my biggest obstacle. I am a liar.

I told my husband and my sponsor EVERYTHING, not leaving anything out as I had before.

I am going to put my greatest effort in to working the steps and have committed to doing 90/90- which I refused to do before.

Pray for me!

Charmie

your in my prayers bananagrrrl!!!

Angelic17

A Prayer for Bananagrrrl...

Dear Lord, hear our prayer. Please give bananagrrrrl the tools she needs to avoid drinking alcohol. Please comfort her, and show her that drinking is not the answer to her problems. Give her the strength to walk away from temptation. And guide her in the right direction, while she struggles with this addiction. Amen

wichitalineman

I loved your last post about rigorous honesty! Rigorous honesty is the business as far as I am concerned. Awesome job taking this head on! You are in my thoughts and prayers.

stephnc

Been there. I had almost 9 months sober, then I drank again about a month ago - drank on and off for several weeks, then finally picked up what's hopefully my last white chip 10 days ago.

Talk about shooting your wounded, though... I had a couple of friends in AA with whom I'd been very close before my relapses, and they basically stopped talking to me after the last time I drank. I understood they were angry and frustrated with me - they had every right to be - but to lose their friendship altogether has been devastating to me. One of the women actually works at the same place where I've just started a new job, and she barely acknowledges my existence when I run into her there. Thank God I have other friends and know a lot of other people in the program who are supportive and nonjudgmental...as well as a very good sponsor.

intention

I am sorry to hear that you have had that experience. That is not usual and not AA program behaviour - with the 12 steps we learn about love, tolerance, acceptance, humility. But there are a lot of people in AA, who are not so well (even if they are not drinking) and still behave like that but we can offer them understanding and compassion, just like we would do to any sick person.

It's good that you have other people to support you. Well done on getting sober again.

vegibean

Hey bg, glad to see you back here.

dedubya

you hang in there- lot of good advice here. I am no angel but I do know the cunningness (is that a word?) of this disease. Love- and take control
Dub

yeahgr8

Yeah i will pray for you, dont do that much (trying to interefere with me Hps will i mean hehe;-)) but for you ok... coming your way tonight so dont be suprised if you get a feeling to get on with those steps tomorrow:-)

Listen we are all ******* liars, sorry for the asterisks but we aren't just liars are we??? We are ridiculously good liars because we have used that amongst other things to survive and our alcoholism isnt going to last long with honesty is it...lies flow off the tongue like normal speech, and we know things that 'normal' people dont, like a good lie needs to be based on 95% truth, i mean how do i know that...its funny and quite sad!

You'll stop lying when you recover and will value your honesty and be true to yourself...its all waiting for you like anyone else...anyone can recover from this in AA using the steps, willingness and rigorous honesty, of that i am 100% sure!

I'll say again though you have done well for not disappearing, you could have been gone for another x years and not come back...lots at stake as you know here!

yeahgr8

Yeah im sorry you had that experience too, it happens i guess...shouldn't but does..in the groups i got sober in they would not do this but would make your life a living hell (well not a living hell, but keep encouraging you hehe) until you agreed to do something different this time...its just people caring and trying to help when that happens unfortunately sometimes we can see it as an attack...maybe the friends that shunned you were scared for their own sobriety and aren't as strong as you think they are? Someone not recovered is going to run a mile if any alcoholc comes anywhere near them, even if you were the one who drank it!

Kmber2010

Huggs Banana. I am so glad you are back at it. I have relapsed as you know and have had some rough days lately so I feel ya. Keep going girl. I am in your corner!!!

Kim