bananagrrrl

I drank.

I have no excuse.

I told my sponsor and I have been instructed to be at the 7:30 am meeting tomorrow with an explanation to share as to why I drank.

I feel like ****.

suki44883

What kind of explanation is she expecting? I mean, you drank because you wanted to drink.

Charmie

i dint want to drink for the last four years of my drinking,i just had to.
i see you are attending AA is it bananagrrrl?
if so have you read the dr.s opinion in the big book?
this explains what my illness of alcoholism is to me.
simple fact is i dont need a reason to drink,im programmed to drink wether i want to or not against my will.unless...i live in the spiritual solution which i find in the 12 steps of AA.
i find it a bit of a power trip getting you to stand up and explain yourself,but thats just me.
my sponsor was purely there in the begining to take me through the 12 steps programme so i could have a spiritual awakening and recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.thats it.
we talk now if im having any problems relating to my alcoholism.
and last week we got together and read out of the 12x12 with another of her sponsees.
it was cool.
i would be running a mile in the other direction if someone tried to humiliate me like this.

scoob

Do you feel like you know what happened?

suki44883

After nearly 6 months of sobriety, she didn't drink because she had to. In any case, it's not a crime and there's no reason to beat yourself up over it. Just start again, but I'm not sure I'd go in and set myself up for humiliation from your sponsor or others. AA isn't supposed to shoot their wounded.

CAPTAINZING2000

After a long time of not drinking the guilt and remorse would take all the fun out of getting drunk and hungover.
I can't drink without there being a price to pay. I enjoy shaving in the morning without my hands a shaking with a razor in it.

I've got another drunk left in me. Do I have another chance at recovery though??

intention

This is your explanation.....


It may be that your sponsor is waiting for you to finally realise this and be ready to work all the 12 steps to have a spirtual awakening - which is the only thing which will remove the above problem.

Or it could be that your sponsor is looking for a different explanation. If she is, then I would suggest finding another sponsor who understands that this is the only explanation as to why an alcoholic drinks. It's in italics for a reason.


Sometimes we have to drink to find out that we really have to surrender completely to a Power greater than ourselves. I did. I hope you can find it in yourself to surrender. Life at the other side of working the 12 steps is so good, it is not to be missed. Good luck on your journey there.

Toronto68

Banana, do you think she wants you to speak about being disconnected from gratitude or something along those lines?

For the others, is this necessarily humiliating the person for relapsing by making her speak about it? I don't put my ___ in AA and actually live through it, so I have a limited perspective. But isn't there supposed to be a learning benefit to putting it out in the open? To me, if someone is going to throw stones at a relapse, then chances are there is something wrong with their own sense of humility and they are not staying in tune with the right principles. There is also a difference between condoning it and empathizing.

Cornczech

"I would be running a mile in the other direction if someone tried to humiliate me like this."

I totally agree with this statement. It's almost like explaining why you farted after eating beans......(is that too crass, ya'll?)

intention

I think a lot of sponsors would ask someone who drank to explain why they did it.


But not because they want to hear a reason but because they want to hear there is no reason. It is only when the alcoholic finally realises that they drink because they are powerless and they have no mental defense against taking that drink that they are ready to take the 12 Steps. In fact once they realise this, they are taking Step 1.

intention

I just wanted to add, that although sponsors should ask for an explanation, doing it publicly is unusual.

No-one has to share anything in a meeting. But I have heard many people share that they have drunk in meetings. Never once have I seen anyone humiliated because of it. In fact, it is the opposite - they are met with understanding, empathy, support, compassion......

In fact, AA is the only place you will get that if you are alcoholic and have been drinking.

Dream2bClean

Hey BG,

I am so sorry to hear that, but understand.

You have been so helpful to me here I wish you all tthe best in pusing aside your guilt and pray you can pick yourself back up and get that 6 months and more and more and more.

You can do it!

<3 Dream

Kjell

I go to the same AA home group that Bananagrrl goes to and I can assure you we do not "shoot our wounded". If she decides to share, we will support her (and we'll support her if she doesn't share on this).

24hrsAday

Just Remember.. This Is A One Day At A Time Deal..

AtlasMcGee

I agree with intention all the way.

In AA I have learned that not drinking (or using) is a foreign element to us and that we have to completely surrender our addiction to a higher power. No one is going to bash you for using, because in all honesty you were just doing what's in your nature. However, I do think that your sharing of how it happened will help other recoveries (like me) and also help you admit that first step to your self--which, like intention said, is all your sponsor is most likely leading you to do.

I've heard that of all the steps #1 is the one you MUST do wholeheartedly-- You must have zero reservations of being able to use in the future and it be "okay" & admit complete powerlessness. You're fine just get back up and get back on track, we all have to do this. We are powerless to this disease.

Toronto68

Well, Intention, I suppose that leaves me still questioning...If a person did all the steps and then we have a person taking a drink after X years, that doesn't mean they are only realizing their powerlessness for the first time, does it?

I find I don't understand the satisfaction in hearing "no reason." There must have been something a person was doing right for each of the days they did not drink. Otherwise, why do we even bother to look at whether someone was in tune with their humility or some other principle that depends on the way we use our minds (and correct ourselves)?

Kjell

My last drink was close to 150 days ago. Before that I had many false starts (I don't like the word relapse).

The last one, I honestly couldn't explain at the time. Now that I've got a small amount of time since then...Why did I do it? B/c I wanted to get drunk and I thought I could get away with it w/out any consequences. Of course I was dead wrong.

For me, to drink is to die. Total insanity.

AtlasMcGee

Toronto68--I believe there is a reason. I've heard people with decades of sobriety under their belt & they admitted that when they stopped going to meeting and/or lost the strong hold with their higher power &spirituality is when they relapsed after being sober for sooo long. This, personally, has been hard to swallow early on in my recovery process, because I think a lot of us expect to only attend for a certain amount of time & be cured, but the truth is that the "cure" is an every day occurrence that MUST take place, or we will inevitably return to our natural state as alcoholics and/or addicts

HumbleBee

I'm not judging your home group, but when I read this, I also thought this was an attempt to humiliate you, followed by sending you to bed without supper.

If I were your sponsor, my question would be, Why didn't you call me first?

IMO, sponsors are there to guide you and makes suggestions, period.

least

I can only say to learn from it, forgive yourself, and move forward again. :ghug3