Hello Dub. Glad you are still with us.
It may get down to this: At some point you will, hopefully, come to realize how, at your present rate of drinking, that you be useless to your employer, your family, and yourself. What I see repeatedly are words which have come from my own mouth: My family this, my job that, bills over here, possessions over here, image wrapped all around everything, and denial glossing all of it over. You are of no use dead! I hope you arrive at a true surrender soon and realize how all of your words (excuses) were no more than you being manipulated by the predator inside of you; stalking you through your mind and emotions.
Hang in there Dub.
Don't give up, regardless!!