rk396

i basically have two demons to fight. depression, and now alcoholism.

the first caused the second. I've delt with the depression my entire life. It wasn;t until college that i discovered the "benefits" to drinking. i drank to numb the feelings of self loating, and inadequacies (spelling?!?!).

for some 12 yrs my main goal was to keep it so that i could keep drinking with no concern from anyone... so i hid it becoming as "functional" of an alcoholic as i could. to the point where i make mention of drinking most people are like "really?... you!?!?!". I eventually put myslef in a outpatient program. and got sober for (just under) 6 months. but i was a dry drunk. the measures taken to fight the depression failed, and i basically lived in what i consider agony. I eventually fell off the wagon... well actually i JUMPED. BUT my foot caught, and now that preverbial wagon is dragging me down the road. and i can use my energy to either dislodge my foot... or pull my self back up.

and that's where i'm at. I know that my situation is not so unique, so i'm hoping that you'all can hopefully share some similar stories and good results, and the things that you've done to be sucessuful. all i want is to WANT to get better...

thanks for reading.

Spawn

try and keep it simple,......one day at a time.

Do you go to meetings?

Anna

Hi,

I also had depression long before I began drinking. I was kind of able to manage the depression until a time when things came together and I couldn't deal with it anymore and I began to drink. What a mistake that was! So, I had to get my depression properly treated before I could stop drinking. When I was depressed, I honestly didn't care enough to put in the work I needed to do, to recover. I began taking antidepressants, which level the playing field for me. Years later, I am still taking them and still recovering.

Have you talked to your dr about the depression?

Dee74

I think Anna has great advice.
Have you seen a doctor? If previous doctors have let you down, please look for new ones. There are many members here who deal successfully with alcoholism and depression.

I think it's very important for anyone who's been self medicating for any particular problem recognises they need to deal with both problems in tandem in order to move forward.

D

HumbleBee

Welcome rk396,

You probably already know that alcohol in and of itself is a depressant.

Don't know if you've been, or are, on anti-depressants. Either way, mixing alcohol with any anti-depressant wreaks severe havoc on the central nervous system - very dangerous.

Pls do see your dr. and be honest. Glad you joined us. Please keep us posted.

stugotz

Gettin sober totally ruined my case of depression..... Just sayin

four812

i can relate to the depression first and alchoholism second. thanks for sharing and hope you keep posting

least

Welcome to SR! I too have depression, have had it most of my adult life. I used to drink to medicate that, but of course it made it worse in the end.

I"m glad you found us and joined the family. Lots of us here with the same sort of problems. It's great support.

shaun00

hey welcome to sr..
i was diagnosed with clinical depression at 16..ish.
an illness which i view as completely separate from my alcoholism.

i didn't drink because i was depressed........i drank like i drank because i was an alcoholic.

i saw a psychiatric nurse for depression.
and i engaged in the 12 steps for alcoholism.

works for me.....but bear in mind my depression is mild compared to some.
short bouts of big highs and deep lows.....rarely lasting more than 2 weeks..

CarolD

I'm not sure if this recovery program will fit your situation
but please do check it out.....

Questions and Answers about DRA

Welcome to SR....

mburnsc

i thought i just had depression for so long, but ive now come to an understanding that my addition/alcoholism is what causes my depression.

Recovery1983

Hey Rk396 and welcome to the board. I too did the whole dry drunk thing you are talking about. You are probably the first person that has posted something relating to being a dry drunk. While I was in rehab, people mentioned the possibility of being a "dry drunk" but of course, I told myself and everyone else that it wouldnt be me. As soon as I got out of the 30 day program, I started off going to meetings but I stopped after a week or two. I didnt get a sponsor but I also didnt drink. I was a dry drunk for 10 months but in that time, I was setting myself up for a relapse and I didnt even know it. I went through depression because I had alienated myself from everyone but I still wasnt drinking. I was just angry at this disease and why me and just mad. After relapsing on the night of New Year's Eve, I basically picked up where I had left off. I made a fool of myself at the party and I just spiraled into drinking shortly after. In the span of 2 full months, I had gone from having stuff together as a dry drunk to back to where I started before going into rehab. This disease is truly cunning and baffling. As smart as I may think I am, this disease is beyond has beaten me over and over. Like they say in the meetings, "i'm sick and tired of being sick and tired". I experienced a year of life without my friends and in depression. I wanted my old life back before alcohol. To do that, I knew I had to surrender and do a program. That program is AA for me. A lot of people "surrender" but you really have to want to surrender. That is where the sponsor comes in. He'll talk to you and ask you questions to see if you are ready to surrender. After what happened last year, I thought I surrendered but now that I look back, all I did was lie to myself.

Sorry if I went off the topic a little but this is truly something that you have to decide for yourself. People here all have the same problems and we are here to support. However, it is you who has to make that commitment so ultimately it is you who has to make the decision. By the way, if depression is something you have been dealing with for a period of time, I would suggest you see a doctor about it. Maybe they'll put you on some anti-depressant. Cause depression really can take a toll on an individual, especially someone who is in recovery. I wish you the best.

Tazman53

Welcome to SR rk396, it would probably be a good idea to use a 2 edged sword to handle this, a long term program of recovery along with a therapist.

I am an alcoholic who before I started drinking always had a bad case of the "Less thens", I never felt good enough for much of anything until I had my first beer at about 11 years old........ instant good enough!!!! Being an alcoholic I wanted more of that "good enough" feeling.

What I learned as the uears went by was that it took more & more booze to get that "good enough" feeling & it seemed as though I would be depressed unless I had enough booze in me.

In the end I went to a Dr. who put me into detox for my alcoholism, detox sent me to AA. In AA I started off really miserable but I saw that they had a long term solution for life that was so good that the need to drink was lifted along with my "situational" depression.

Therapist & psychatrist are a good idea for many alcoholics, especially when thier depression is not just "situational", but also "Clinical" which can be treated with anti-depressants. I was among the lucky ones who the 12 steps alone took care of my depression as well as my life. I know a lot of folks in AA that even when clinically depressed had with thier Dr.'s guidance reduced thier dosage of ADs thanks to the 12 steps.

The steps are not a solution for clinical depression, but they sure have taken care of my situational depression in thier entirety, my huge mood swings of the past when I was drinking have been gone for several years now.

Keep in mind that alcohol is actually a depressant, see a Dr. & let them know about the depression & the alcohol, see what they reccommend as a course of action.

rk396

Thanks for the replies from everyone. in that program they encouraged meetings. I didn't care for the AA, but did attend SOS meetings some what regularly. I guess the real thing i have to ask is DO i want to get better. The logical part says yes, the rest... umm not so much. it really seems to boil down to that "want to want to get better". i suppose i was hoping for that, magic bullet that would change my mood... but like everything else it requires a sincere effort on my part.

thanks for the words of encouragement and advice from everyone.

Spawn

if you want it bad enough you "can" do it