Thanks for the replies from everyone. in that program they encouraged meetings. I didn't care for the AA, but did attend SOS meetings some what regularly. I guess the real thing i have to ask is DO i want to get better. The logical part says yes, the rest... umm not so much. it really seems to boil down to that "want to want to get better". i suppose i was hoping for that, magic bullet that would change my mood... but like everything else it requires a sincere effort on my part.
thanks for the words of encouragement and advice from everyone.