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I came home today...

Old 03-26-2010, 11:06 AM
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Looking For Myself...Sober
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I came home today...

It was a very hard decision. But I think I made the right one.
It took me 3 or more weeks of kicking it around before I came up with the best possible answer I could.
I talked with all my counselors and my peers and they all think I made a very hard but good decision. Although they do feel it better I fin ish the house. They think I am doing the next best thing. And the good thing about it is, I processed it all in a healthy, safe, sober, respponsible manner.
So they say.
I will still do IOP 5 days a week at the same place so I can keep my connections with my peers.
I have kept my Monday night chair commitment. I have commited to giving the women of the house a ride to the Sat night meeting that we all like but have no way to get to unless we get a ride. Which is hard sometimes.
I am still going to work on trying to get donations for the fundraiser for the house activity fund.
I have so many new friends you guys.
They had a house attention Wed and I was totally amazed and touched at what my peers had to say. I really had no ide they felt the way they do about me.
I didnt think I was that important to anyone.
I am getting what I wanted. I told you guys I wanted f2f bonds like I do with some of you all here.
I cant begin to expalin how wonderful that makes me feel. And what a difference in my recovery it makes.
I havent any real true connections with people since high school.
I have real friends who c are about me. That know where I been and dont care. That dont want anything from me except to stay clean and live better.
I get it now!!
I see exactly why you all kept telling me I needed to do this.
See how hard headed I am? I could have had this years ago had I stopped being so self riteous and just gave it a try.
I am so freakin blessed.
Without you all, my family and my new sober fam. I am goign to make it as long as I stay honest with myself and everyone around me and kepe working my program.

GET THIS!! HAHAHA..Two of my peers said I lead by example. That I am an asset to the house and set a good example of how to work a good program. HAHA.
Can you believe it??!!! ME!!! Never in a million years. HAHAH

Life is wonderful people.
Now I can take back a little of the responsibility I left piled on my gram and keep my focus where it needs to be..On my recovery. That was really destracting me for weeks.
They said at group they can see a huge difference in me since I decded this. Like a weight has been lifted. There is always common ground if you take your time and weigh your options. I believe that with all my heart.
But there has to be a balance and sometimes you have to sacrifice some things in order to get what you need.
I am ok with that.
I havent felt this good ever.
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Old 03-26-2010, 11:09 AM
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Sounds great!

Glad things are working out for you!
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Old 03-26-2010, 12:03 PM
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Congratulations! That all sounds wonderful...glad to hear you're doing so well!
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Old 03-26-2010, 12:13 PM
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Trish,

I never doubted for a minute that you could do this!

I think that meeting new people and making new friends is part of the 'changing from the inside out' that I felt I had to do to stay sober. When people ask those who are sober, 'What did you change', many times you will hear the answer 'Everything!'. You are well on your way to making serious changes that will help you on this amazing journey.

And, I'm not surprised that your peers and housemates have good things to say about you. You didn't believe you had much value as a person or as a friend, and that kept you in the cycle of addiction. It's part of the 'changing everything'. You are now thinking of yourself as a competent person, a good friend, a responsible person. That's fantastic! :ghug3
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Old 03-26-2010, 12:25 PM
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Seems like you made the right decision =) You sound so relaxed, optimistic and happy. I honestly couldn't be happier for you.

Originally Posted by Aysha View Post
I didnt think I was that important to anyone.
Uhmm... Wake up, smell the coffee, get some glasses and look around You're important to many, many people; you matter, Trish, and it sounds like you've finally realised that's true.

Welcome home xo
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Old 03-26-2010, 12:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Aysha View Post
GET THIS!! HAHAHA..Two of my peers said I lead by example. That I am an asset to the house and set a good example of how to work a good program. HAHA.
Can you believe it??!!! ME!!! Never in a million years. HAHAH
I can believe it Trish. You're a miracle, I've never doubted that. It's so good to see you back here.

Originally Posted by Aysha View Post
I havent felt this good ever.
Your post gave me a good feeling. Remember to treasure your relationships with friends and family, those are the greatest gifts I've received in recovery.
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Old 03-26-2010, 01:19 PM
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I'm glad you no longer feel that 'weight' on you. I'm glad you're so confident in your recovery. I'm really really glad to see you so happy!
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Old 03-26-2010, 02:07 PM
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Welcome back Trish

D
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Old 03-26-2010, 05:00 PM
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Glad you are here.
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Old 03-26-2010, 06:43 PM
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I've never heard you sound this positive or hopeful since I got here in '07. It makes me smile to read of your happiness. May things keep getting better for you - it's been a long time coming, & you earned this peace of mind.
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Old 03-26-2010, 07:24 PM
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trish, you freaked me out!

take a gander at my anny post reply!

welcome home

xxooxxoo
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Old 03-26-2010, 07:50 PM
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You do matter...."Brother" Glad to hear that you are doing well and yes--you are a positive influence/example for others to follow. Glad to hear that you will continue to go to IOP and will also be trying to help others both by taking them to meetings and by chairing meetings regularly. I am so proud of you! You have a message of hope that other addicts need to hear about. Yes--I am one of those stubborn hard-headed ones too.........but all I can do now is keep moving forward. Today I know that I don't have to use. It is true--any clean addict is a miracle! Welcome home! Can't wait to catch up in talking with you. We do recover.
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Old 03-26-2010, 08:03 PM
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Recovery requires daily vigilance from me
I certainly hope you will find it true too.
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Old 03-26-2010, 08:59 PM
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(((Trish))) - I'm glad you've made new friends and that you can SEE, f2f, how important you are to these people, how much you mean to people. WE'VE always known that, but it's not the same as when YOU know it.

You can absolutely, without-a-doubt, continue your recovery at home. You've been given some awesome tools, you have the opportunity to continue on with your peers, you have the willingness.

Give Grams a big hug, get her to eat something and get some play/snuggle time with the kitties. Remember what I told you...keep recovery first, and you'll be okay.

I'm very proud of how far you've come, BTW

Love, hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 03-26-2010, 09:14 PM
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Im hearing wonderful things in your typing ...youve come along way , and we all so proud of you ! ~ Endzy~
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Old 03-27-2010, 12:53 PM
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Welcome back Trish.
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Old 03-27-2010, 02:30 PM
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wow trish. inspiring to read your words. keep up the good work. nice to hear your words today
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Old 03-27-2010, 06:37 PM
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TRISH!!!!!!!! Who would have thought???? I did and so do so many others as you have already read. Everyone has had great faith in you and I KNOW you are a strong woman. I still have no doubt in mind that you will continue with one success after another. Should you have some stumbling along the way, just remember it's part of the process in your continued success. WTG my Sober Sistah!!!!!!
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Old 03-28-2010, 04:50 AM
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..stay focused..your friend..ozy...
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Old 03-28-2010, 08:32 AM
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That's a really cool post to read. I remember reading many of your old posts when you first came here, angry at the world, but even more angry at yourself. Helpless and even worse, hopeless. Fighting and lashing out at the world and everyone who tried to befriend you here.

Wow!! What a trunaround. It should really give others who have struggled or continue to struggle, hope that it can happen. I don't post much on your threads, but I have read many of them and all I can say is I'm proud and so happy for you for all you have accomplished. I'm sure two years ago, the thought that you would be looked to as a role model, would have never even entered your mind. Amazing how we can change if we are willing to put the work in, and you defenatly have!! Of course I'm sure I don't have to tell you that it can all be taken away with a moments discression, but you seem to be doing a great job of taking things one day at a time, giving thought before you take action and listening to the advice of others who may have more experience than you before making a decision. Great job!! Take care.
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