flutter

I absolutely believe it!!

And yes, Trish.. you ARE hard headed.. But it sounds like you've found a way to channel that energy into not only caring about yourself, but other people. Determination focused in a positive way is a force to be reckoned with.

I'm proud of you..

Aysha

Thanks everyone. I made my meetings Fri and last night. I am going to take it easy today and get settled somemore at home. I am at the library now picking up some movies.

Tyler...You are so right. I remember when I first came here too. I was a confrontational maniac. Not anymore. I am trying hard to stay out of the BS that can go with life. Mind my business and worry only about what my inventory is. I have worked very hard to change how people perceive me. And I have done good so far. But not only acting like it, but definately living up to it. I do not like attention, I hate confrontation, I look for the good in everything and most of all every one. I dont gossip and I do anything I can to help a fellow addict. I speak if necessary because I dont like to waste words anymore.
It feels good to be able to start over and be who I think I should be. Who I want to be. I am so far past that street ghetto personality I have had for so long. My cussing has even calmed way down. I am so OCD about this meeting I chair now. I have retyped all the papers and bought page protectors and a binder for the stuff. I need to get on the GSR so we can get soem stuff we dont have and need badly. This meeting has been neglected for awhile now. I want to get it to where it should be. Have the supplies and literature we should have. Find speakers and really put some effort into it so it grows.
There was a double homicide right on the corner where I use to hang out and get high. And on ym way here I was stopped at a red light by the highway and the troopers were chasing a jeep off the ramp real slow and they barricaded him in like right behind me. I saw the guy running because we drove right next to me as he was coming off the ramp and he looked scared. Dam near chewing the heck out of a cig in his mouth. He didnt get far.
All I thought was ..Thank goodness that isnt me.
I havent had a cigarette in a little over 2 mos. And I have 4 mos and 2 weeks clean. The longest I have ever been clean in my life.

My dad told me yesterday on the phone..Not to forget where I came from.
I will never forget. I need to remember all that horrible misery. I have let go of everyone in my past. I mean everyone. Even my brother. I had to. It hurts but I need to do it. Thye arent going to change. I cant watch them kill themselves anymore or drag me down with them.
It is weird being home after 3 mos. It didnt seem like I was gone that long.I have a long way to go. But I am going to complete IOP and continue meetings. Helping another addict anyway I can and I really need to work on finding a permanent sponsor.
Progress not perfection.
Thanks everyone. Feels good to be home.

Impurrfect

(((Trish))) - just to let you know...remember how we talked about all the stuff we had in common? Well, after my ex died, I let go of everyone from "back then". Yep, it was hard, but I'm finally letting the past STAY in the past.

Honestly, it wasn't that it was threatening my clean time (not at that time, anyway), but it just felt like I needed to move on from, like you say "the ghetto mentality". I even started another job and no one knows of my past. It wouldn't MATTER (I'm working at a McDonad's) but it feels weird...and good WE can leave this life behind, sweetie. Appreciate it for what it taught us, respect it because it CAN lure us back, but tell it "goodbye" and leave it behind.

Love you!!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

FanofJoeMcQ

Hugs to you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Welcome to the discovery of the new you daily!

Anna

It sounds like you're doing well, Trish!