I have 30 days today
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Somewhere along the Delaware River, Pennsylvania
Posts: 137
I have 30 days today
I have 30 days today and, ironically, my first good cry since I've been sober. We watched the movie "28 Days" at work today (in case anyone wonders what I'm doing watching movies at work...I work with disadvantaged youth); we got to the part where Andrea dies and I just burst into tears. I imagine the kids probably just think I'm very sensitive 
Somehow I feel a lot better now though, and have come to terms with the fact that this is all real...I have really been doing a lot of work to stay sober, that this is my life. The past 30 days haven't been easy. On two occasions I almost drank. Much of the time I've acted like a b*tch, I've been restless, I have no sense of self, no way to guage the behaviors of others or understanding of my place in the world.
But back to the movie for a moment...it made me think of scenes with my father-in-law, who is addicted to crack. And that got me thinking about some difficulty I'm having with Step 8 as far as making a list of those I have harmed. My mother is the only sober person who has been in my life as a constant. Everyone else has their own issues...when I was drinking, I was surrounded by people who were drinking or using drugs. I'm related to them - my own relatives as well as the ones I acquired through my marriage - I've associated with them, it's all I've known for a very long time. And I just don't know how to make that list...because I can't imagine that I have harmed these people who are either as bad off or worse than I was.
I know it's something I should talk over with my sponsor but I was just wondering if you guys had any ideas on how to tackle this one.
Somehow I feel a lot better now though, and have come to terms with the fact that this is all real...I have really been doing a lot of work to stay sober, that this is my life. The past 30 days haven't been easy. On two occasions I almost drank. Much of the time I've acted like a b*tch, I've been restless, I have no sense of self, no way to guage the behaviors of others or understanding of my place in the world. But back to the movie for a moment...it made me think of scenes with my father-in-law, who is addicted to crack. And that got me thinking about some difficulty I'm having with Step 8 as far as making a list of those I have harmed. My mother is the only sober person who has been in my life as a constant. Everyone else has their own issues...when I was drinking, I was surrounded by people who were drinking or using drugs. I'm related to them - my own relatives as well as the ones I acquired through my marriage - I've associated with them, it's all I've known for a very long time. And I just don't know how to make that list...because I can't imagine that I have harmed these people who are either as bad off or worse than I was.
I know it's something I should talk over with my sponsor but I was just wondering if you guys had any ideas on how to tackle this one.
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
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Originally Posted by lostmyway 
I just don't know how to make that list...because I can't imagine that I have harmed these people who are either as bad off or worse than I was.
My experience was most of the names on my 4th Step carried over to my 8th Step list, then my sponsor and I discussed whether I needed to make an amends or not. But it really didn't have anything to do with them being "bad off or worse", it's about understanding the part I played and clearing away the wreckage I left, sweeping my side of the street clean. Does that make sense? It ain't about them, it's about seeing myself, my behavior, and my actions clearly.
Well done on your first month, good progress.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,447
I don't have anything to offer on the step issue either, Lostmyway, but I want to congratulate you on your one month sober.
Personally, I would say that it's very difficult to look back at the hurt I caused with my drinking. I focus on forgiving myself, slowly but surely, and moving forward.
Personally, I would say that it's very difficult to look back at the hurt I caused with my drinking. I focus on forgiving myself, slowly but surely, and moving forward.
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
lmw, congrats!
work close with your sponsor on step 8
It is harder to go to an enemy than to a friend, but we find it much more beneficial to us. We go to then in a helpful and forgiving spirit, confessing our former ill feeling and expressing our regret.
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