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twitching...scared

Old 03-16-2010, 10:57 PM
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twitching...scared

Background - we have been trying to get help for our son for years. He is adopted and was a "waiting child" before he came to our home. We found out when he was five that he has fetal alcohol syndrome (his biological mom didn't think that wine coolers had alcohol in them).

Last summer he became violent and antisocial. So much so that he physically hurt our oldest child and may have sexually hurt our youngest. We pleaded with his social worker to have him removed to a safe facility. We felt we could not keep any of our kids safe from the ramifications of his disability. Instead of helping us she turned us over to child protection. They threatened to take away the two children that he hurt.

I felt hopeless and helpless. We talked with experts, hired lawyer, knew that we did nothing wrong and when the child protection worker came to our home she agreed that we were doing everything we could and that there was no abuse or neglect and therefore, no file was created. Basically we were vindicated.

The problem is that I was damaged in this process. I stopped taking care of myself, I couldn't sleep, started having physical twitches and spasms. I was depressed and I began to drink to numb out.

I quickly realized that this was a problem and began going to a therapist who has been a life saver. So far getting and staying sober has been pretty easy. I am happy and content and coping in a healthy way, but....

My son has ramped up his violent behavior again. Threatening to kill us, to break fingers and arms of the kids in his class and he hit another teacher.

I am twitching again and look, I am up again at 11:55 p.m. I am not drinking but I am feeling that same old familiar feeling of helplessness and hopelessness and being trapped.

This is my first trial since becoming sober over three months ago. I would love to numb out and not have to be in this again for just one night. Just get away from it all, just escape.

Sorry to vent. I am feeling so alone and so hopeless.

55438
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Old 03-17-2010, 12:05 AM
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You really are going through a difficult time, aren't you. I can only imagine how stressful it must feel for you.

Are you using any program of recovery?
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Old 03-17-2010, 12:10 AM
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Originally Posted by 55438 View Post
Background - we have been trying to get help for our son for years. He is adopted and was a "waiting child" before he came to our home. We found out when he was five that he has fetal alcohol syndrome (his biological mom didn't think that wine coolers had alcohol in them).

Last summer he became violent and antisocial.
So much so that he physically hurt our oldest child and may have sexually hurt our youngest.
We pleaded with his social worker to have him removed to a safe facility. We felt we could not keep any of our kids safe from the ramifications of his disability. Instead of helping us she turned us over to child protection. They threatened to take away the two children that he hurt.


55438
Sorry your having a hard time and no need to apolgize for venting, crap if we didn't do that we would end up stuck and I don't want to be stuck again.

What I quoted within your quote about sexually malested that happened to me and it screwed up a lot of my life. That happen to me at the age of 5 but not just once. It is terrible, and I can so relate. I was taken away from my family and put in a loving foster home.

No advise just my experience

I hope it all works out for you I will keep you in my prayers
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Old 03-17-2010, 12:46 AM
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hi 55

My prayers go out to you and your family.

I hope you find a solution very soon for your sake as well as the sake of the children in your care.

Until then, lean on all the support you have, or can find, to get through this.

The one thing I do know is that drinking now would only make this situation exponentially worse.

stay connected - you have lots of friends here
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Old 03-17-2010, 03:51 AM
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55438 my heart goes out to you, you know nothing has more power then to embarass a politician!

First I would suggest you go to an elected official and seek out help. Document it well & if the elected official does nothing then go to the press!!!

One more very important thing, do not drink, you know it will only be a temporary reprieve leading to possibly things becoming even worse.
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Old 03-17-2010, 06:30 AM
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55, have you spoken to the school? Is there a guidance counselor there? Principal? Teacher? There should be avenues in the school that will help with behavioral testing. Make sure people know that you realize there is a problem and you need help.

I hope you aren't keeping this behavior a secret....there is no shame in this. You need to find a solution...and I feel you will!

The absolute most crucial thing.....is not to drink. You aren't worth anything to your other two children if you are drinking. So.....CELEBRATE your sobriety, because you can draw strength from that!
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Old 03-17-2010, 06:39 AM
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I too agree with contacting everyone from your US senator on down to the state senator to the governor to every elected official in your town/city. There's GOT to be some program he can be in daily so that he doesn't hit teachers or assault siblings or other kids at school.

My prayers are with you. (((hugs)))
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Old 03-17-2010, 06:56 AM
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Hi,

I agree that all the members of your family would benefit from counselling.

And, know that you can deal with your family's problems without drinking. You can get through this and help yourself and your family.
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Old 03-17-2010, 07:24 AM
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Thank you for everything.

Your prayers, your advice, you suggestions and your presence.

He is in special ed. Almost all of his day is spent with just a few kids that have needs similar to his. His teacher is fantastic, understanding and well versed in the behavior of FAS kid.

We acctually have contacted our state representative about his care and our assistance from the government with him. My husband is still angry about how he was placed in our home. We are currently in the process of changing case managers/social workers.

We are all in counselling. The kids go to sibling groups through ARC and my husband and I go to two different wonderfully helpful therapists.

I have not gone back to alcohol. The statement 'there is nothing that alcohol cannot make worse' vibrates with me. But this need to just numb out and not feel, not think, for a little bit is so strong. I won't drink, since I didn't sleep - I think I will take a nap.

Thank you for being here at 11:55 p.m. to remind me that I am not alone. Yesterday I read something here that fits this situation. Here is a paraphrase - the wolf is as strong as the pack and the pack is as strong as the wolf. Thank you for being a part of my pack.

55438

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Old 03-17-2010, 10:51 AM
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Hello 55438. My heart goes out to you.

I think we can all relate to the desire to escape from unpleasant realities - how drinking would only make any situation worse, even if it numbs us for a bit - and how support from those who've been there is so important, like it is here on SR.

Have you checked out the FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome) website? It's full of research, support, information and communications from people who are where you're at.

www.faslink.org

Blessings to you and your family ~

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Old 03-17-2010, 10:59 AM
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My husband is still angry about how he was placed in our home.
Though it is exactly the place you don't want to go, maybe that is where you have to go with this issue.

I would be crushed to find out that one of my children wasn't quite right. But it happened to me: my son is Asberger syndrome.

I can't take him back to the store.

You sound like you are doing everything in your power to handle this situation.

Good luck and congrats on your sobriety: it is wonderful to hear that it has helped you throught this difficult situation.
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Old 03-17-2010, 11:59 AM
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If you drink you will only wake up the next day to find the situation is worse.

My daughter is special needs, the year leading up to finally getting some answers and testing and help for her is what turned me into an active alcoholic.

I can't help her if i'm checked out, i'm only making it worse.
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Old 03-17-2010, 01:17 PM
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Scoob, Littlefish and Humblebee,

Thank you for your support and wise words.

We are connected with the Minnesota branch of FAS support network called MOFAS. I give talks about the ramifications of drinking while pregnant to high school kids.

We have so much support and normally (what is normal?) we do pretty well. But this latest wave of violence has rekindled the fear I had this past summer. It is such a sad situation.

Thanks again - no alcohol - people instead.

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Old 03-17-2010, 02:28 PM
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I'm so sorry you are going through this again.

I'm afraid I have no words of wisdom for you. You are very brave.

As you know I have a daughter with Aspergers and she has been very difficult to live with.

Someone once said to me that 'we are never given more than we can handle'.

My sister also used to say....'if she was with me I'd have murdered her by now' and that she was supposed to be with me because I was patient and did my best and that she had a better life with me because of that.

When things got bad, I contacted social services, and we were left for another year....I finally broke down on the telephone, incoherent, threatening, crying.......result...an emergency meeting and a respite bed..the next day. She is still in respite, 2 months later, but has been offered a flat with support.

I know your son is much younger and our circumstances are different, but I am sending healing vibes to you. I will pray for you and your son and other children. xxxxx
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Old 03-17-2010, 09:41 PM
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Just wanted to say Hi.....and hope things are going well for you and your family.
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Old 03-18-2010, 09:58 AM
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Originally Posted by 55438 View Post
I give talks about the ramifications of drinking while pregnant to high school kids.
55438 ~

You are a special person.

To be facing the challenges you are facing and be doing something so positive to prevent it from happening to others, is so self-less and humbling.

My opinion is that you will be blessed ten-fold in ways that you could never imagine.

Thank you for your post. Your strength is inspiring.

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