I have 30 days today and, ironically, my first good cry since I've been sober. We watched the movie "28 Days" at work today (in case anyone wonders what I'm doing watching movies at work...I work with disadvantaged youth); we got to the part where Andrea dies and I just burst into tears. I imagine the kids probably just think I'm very sensitive
Somehow I feel a lot better now though, and have come to terms with the fact that this is all real...I have really been doing a lot of work to stay sober, that this is my life. The past 30 days haven't been easy. On two occasions I almost drank. Much of the time I've acted like a b*tch, I've been restless, I have no sense of self, no way to guage the behaviors of others or understanding of my place in the world.
But back to the movie for a moment...it made me think of scenes with my father-in-law, who is addicted to crack. And that got me thinking about some difficulty I'm having with Step 8 as far as making a list of those I have harmed. My mother is the only sober person who has been in my life as a constant. Everyone else has their own issues...when I was drinking, I was surrounded by people who were drinking or using drugs. I'm related to them - my own relatives as well as the ones I acquired through my marriage - I've associated with them, it's all I've known for a very long time. And I just don't know how to make that list...because I can't imagine that I have harmed these people who are either as bad off or worse than I was.
I know it's something I should talk over with my sponsor but I was just wondering if you guys had any ideas on how to tackle this one.