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Old 03-03-2010, 05:40 PM
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Loser

I feel like a total failure. Today was 7 weeks sober and I messed it all up. I had such strong alc related dreams the past the 3 nights that I gave in this morning. Went right to the store and grabbed a 12 pck. What was a thinking!?had 10 beers and stopped and I'm so bummed I gave in. I don't even know how to describe how I feel. I went online and looked for forums and found this. How am I ever supossed to change if I gave in after 7 weeks? I'm such a failure. I feel like I'll never change.
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Old 03-03-2010, 05:50 PM
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Welcome OCGirly -

First of all, don't be ashamed. You have a disease. Relapse just teaches you something that didn't work.

For me, I have learned to identify it when my brain starts telling me things that may lead to drinking (such as the dreams you mentioned). Then, I do things that help me overcome those "voices". That is what working a program of recovery does for you. It gives you the tools to deal with those situations and the support network to be able to get beyond 7 weeks.

Don't beat yourself up too much. We've all been there and you are not different than any of us.

Keep posting on SR and consider starting a program of recovery (AA, SMART, etc). You can't do this alone.
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Old 03-03-2010, 06:00 PM
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You're not a failure, and the main thing is to keep trying.

Never give up.

Learn from the experience so it doesn't happen again.

Having dreams about drinking is very common.
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Old 03-03-2010, 06:18 PM
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Hey,

(I was a 12 packer too). I also relapsed early in recovery (three times at 30 days). It happens. Hard to get on that horse again. My sponsor suggested (strongly) that I go get a new 24hr. chip at the biggest meeting in town each time. <---ACK.

But she never steered me wrong so why stop taking her suggestions at that point?

I did it. Some think it's humiliation. Not me, it was HUMBLING. I guess what I'm saying is - Relapses suck. However, they are humbling as long as you are willing to try, try, again and are honest with ALL the people who support you in the program you're in.
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Old 03-03-2010, 06:38 PM
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I think it's important like everyone has mentioned to learn from it, but hey, dont forget about the last 7 weeks. I bet those were some of the best 7 weeks you have had in a long time right? So dwell on how good those 7 weeks were, and use that as medicine for getting over this speed bump. You know you can do 7 weeks, so why not more? You learned something this time. I know the best thing you can do is stay positive, dont focus on things like feeling like a loser, because you are not. Just move forward and think about what you might want to change this time going about it. For me, when I have relapsed, it is because I didnt accept that I was powerless, and simply ask for help. That is a personnal thing for me, but I think it can work for lot's of people.

Anyway, good luck, congratulations on the 7 weeks and think about the good. If you dwell on the negatives, you might have a harder time moving forward with this.

All the best!
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Old 03-03-2010, 06:57 PM
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ditto, 7 weeks sounds like a big accomplishment to me...(i am only on Day 16)....keep in mind what you did and what you are capable of doing...you know your triggers and have the willpower to stop and think about your decision.

you came back here for a reason.
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Old 03-03-2010, 07:16 PM
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Hey OCG. Welcome to SR! You're not a loser. Get back on the horse and ride again. You drank today. Make tomorrow your new beginning. You can do this. One day at a time. Keep coming back!
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Old 03-03-2010, 07:18 PM
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Welcome to SR and this great supportive forum you stumbled upon today. There is a reason you came here and I believe its because you are not a quitter. You will get it and it just might be this time.

I gave up drinking many, many times before I came here only to break those promises and drink again. I found this site in May of 2008 and I thought, "Okay, here we go again Sarah." I thought why would this time be any different, but I read and read and read about people's experiences and their struggles and I thought guess what they are or were standing in the same shoes as myself. I identified and through that identification I found hope.

There is always hope and you will not lose if you cling to that. You are NOT a failure. You are a person with an addiction that is struggling to find a way to recover. See if SR is it for you or if you need more face to face there are programs out there.

DO NOT GIVE UP!! DO NOT CALL YOURSELF A FAILURE!

You can do it. I have faith.
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Old 03-04-2010, 10:44 AM
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You will only fail if you refuse to learn from your experience. I relapsed as well, quite a few times and know exactly what you're feeling. If you didn't feel bad about it then that means you wouldn't care about your sobriety. That being said: now is the time to get over it, quit feeling sorry about it and get more active with your program of recovery!
You can do it!!!
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Old 03-04-2010, 01:36 PM
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7 weeks VS 1 day.

I would say that is a huge success. Note the things that triggered you and move on forward!!
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Old 03-04-2010, 01:47 PM
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You are not a failure unless you totally give up trying. Use this as a learning experience. I didn't get sober the first time round, or second, or even third.....to be honest. I never gave up though. My disease wants me dead. That's how advanced my alcoholism had progressed. If you are on this side of the dirt and are alive, you have a chance. Just don't give up. There is hope! We do recover.
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Old 03-04-2010, 08:46 PM
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Glad you are here with us....

Many of us had false starts before we won over alcohol.
Today is your new beginning....

Welcome to our recovery community
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Old 03-05-2010, 02:26 PM
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Welcome to SR! I relapsed more times than I'd like to remember, but am back on the wagon and doing better than ever before. I've got nearly three months sober and if i can do it, so can you!
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Old 03-05-2010, 02:55 PM
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Originally Posted by OCGirly View Post
I feel like a total failure. Today was 7 weeks sober and I messed it all up. I had such strong alc related dreams the past the 3 nights that I gave in this morning. Went right to the store and grabbed a 12 pck. What was a thinking!?had 10 beers and stopped and I'm so bummed I gave in. I don't even know how to describe how I feel. I went online and looked for forums and found this. How am I ever supossed to change if I gave in after 7 weeks? I'm such a failure. I feel like I'll never change.
1) you had significant success.
2) you slipped
3) you stopped again.
4) you recognised your behaviour.
5) you sought help.

Man, I'm new to this business and I see all these posts with people who are doing quite well and beating themselves up.

I'm not making light of your slip. Me, I've yet to make seven weeks. It's people like you how have things to teach me.

Tell me, how did you do seven weeks? That's fantastic. I hope (in a few weeks) I'll be saying seven weeks. And I'll have learned from this post of yours, and perhaps I'll make eight, and nine.... as you will too, I'd say.
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Old 03-05-2010, 03:38 PM
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Redwine, I see your point about looking up to the person who has more weeks; I do that when it's someone with more time behind them (more months, years). At the same time though, I have also found things worth taking in from people who have fewer weeks of sobriety than I do. There are lots of insights to draw from. Out of the ugliness of addiction, one beautiful thing for me is being able to draw insights from many different types of people. Even if someone relapses, there is something to be learned from them (they aren't the only ones with something to constantly learn). That's one of the meanings of the phrase "alcohol, the great equalizer" for me. But you don't have to throw away the desire to "reach what someone else has got"; that is most likely a good tool to stay on track.

Keep going, by the way!
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Old 03-05-2010, 04:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Toronto68 View Post
Redwine, I see your point about looking up to the person who has more weeks; I do that when it's someone with more time behind them (more months, years). At the same time though, I have also found things worth taking in from people who have fewer weeks of sobriety than I do. There are lots of insights to draw from. Out of the ugliness of addiction, one beautiful thing for me is being able to draw insights from many different types of people. Even if someone relapses, there is something to be learned from them (they aren't the only ones with something to constantly learn). That's one of the meanings of the phrase "alcohol, the great equalizer" for me. But you don't have to throw away the desire to "reach what someone else has got"; that is most likely a good tool to stay on track.

Keep going, by the way!
I hear what you are saying. Thanks for that.
I'm learning a lot of difficult things about myself so when I see people with successes, I tend to go, "wtf? they have done well!"

I've basically come to a few difficult truths and am grappling with them. I have to say that reading posts on SR has been extremely informative and helpful. If I can keep my "cop on" on, I should be ok. Today I posted some "hey, well done" posts. Maybe that was not appropriate -- I dunno.

Anyway, I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to read and learn. I lurked a while before posting, and I know this for sure: there was a huge change between lurking and posting. I only started learning when I posted and stated my situation.

It's very very early days for me and I know damn all, really.
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Old 03-05-2010, 04:41 PM
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Redwine, you're funny. I think I noticed a difference after I posted too. Even if I wasn't "asking" something...Maybe we are "investing" in the topics more by writing and not just reading, and then becoming more receptive to learning signals.
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Old 03-05-2010, 05:09 PM
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Originally Posted by OCGirly View Post
I feel like a total failure. Today was 7 weeks sober and I messed it all up. I had such strong alc related dreams the past the 3 nights that I gave in this morning. Went right to the store and grabbed a 12 pck. What was a thinking!?had 10 beers and stopped and I'm so bummed I gave in. I don't even know how to describe how I feel. I went online and looked for forums and found this. How am I ever supossed to change if I gave in after 7 weeks? I'm such a failure. I feel like I'll never change.
Go to the mirror right now and say I'm sorry,....then let the guilt go. Your not a loser!
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