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Month down - now what....am I cured??

Old 02-28-2010, 04:37 PM
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Month down - now what....am I cured??

So I've been sober now for about a month, does this mean I can drink socially? Was never an every day drinker. Life is the same sober, just happy out no hangovers!!!
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Old 02-28-2010, 04:41 PM
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There's only one way to find out, but I certainly don't advise it. If you have managed to go a month sober, why not just continue? Is drinking alcohol really that important?
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Old 02-28-2010, 04:44 PM
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Hi Scarlet. I just read your first few posts and it looks like your mind was obsessing quite a bit over the fact that you were giving it up. Is that a difficult thought to give up drinking? See I could give up drinking while I was pregnant and I know a lot of women that could, BUT I also knew I could do it because it wasn't forever. Its kind of like turning down a drink while I was out, but knowing I could have it once I got home. I can give anything up easily knowing its not forever.

This is the point of the 24 hour pledge. I can give it up for 24 hours. I'll think about the next 24 hours tomorrow.

You ask if you can drink socially? What happened when you used to drink? For me, I wouldn't stop at 1 or 2 and it would just go on and on. I also changed as far as my personality. If I did stop at 1 or 2 it was a struggle and I mean a real struggle. You have to answer this honestly yourself.

Congratulations on the 30 days! That's big!!
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Old 02-28-2010, 04:59 PM
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Thanks Horselover, that is really useful advice. Hadn't heard about the 24 hour rule and I love the notion. Because it's the idea of NEVER that really bugs me.
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Old 02-28-2010, 05:04 PM
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Some good advice here Scarlet.

If it was as simple as just giving up for a month, we wouldn't need SR.

This site is full of people who can go weeks, months without a drink - but when they drink again, they drink alcoholically.

If life is better not drinking, then don't drink

D
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Old 02-28-2010, 05:05 PM
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That idea was extremely overwhelming to me too and it prevented me from staying sober for many years. Glad you found it useful.
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Old 02-28-2010, 05:25 PM
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You've gotten lots of good advice here, Scarlet.
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Old 02-28-2010, 05:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Scarlet20 View Post
So I've been sober now for about a month, does this mean I can drink socially? Was never an every day drinker. Life is the same sober, just happy out no hangovers!!!
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Old 02-28-2010, 07:05 PM
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I tried to drink 'normally' too many times after periods of sobriety. Never worked and i always ended up drinking too much, too often. Why chance it? Why not stay sober one day at a time? I think it's worth it. And I love waking up sober and not deathly sick.
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Old 02-28-2010, 08:03 PM
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Planning to go out with friends, normal drinker and me (before AA):

1. Couple of drinks, not finishing the second one
2. Going out next Tuesday, been planned for a month now
3. Must be hone at 10pm latest work tomorrow
4. Musn't spend more than $50, saving for a nice holiday this year
5. Must eat at some point, if only some snacks
6. Looking forward to seeing a friend there
7. Looking forward to flirting a little/Won't flirt too much am in a relationship

Me knowing what will happen in a night out now:

1. Have a few before going out, get buzzed asap
2. Why wait until next Tuesday
3. Why would i go home at 10pm when the fun places are just opening, screw work ill go in when i want
4. $50???!!! WTF am i going to do with $50? Go to bank need a roll...
5. Why would i want to eat, that'll soak up the alcohol and evening is over...
6. Friends? Not for long...ah **** em ill make new friends...they'll be ok in the morning anyway
7. Flirt and end up in bed with whoever, it doesn't matter...

And thats the optimistic polite version ot the thought process and how the evening willl turn out...
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Old 02-28-2010, 10:16 PM
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So I've been sober now for about a month, does this mean I can drink socially?
I thought that..even though I knew better. Ended up almost losing everything in a few weeks. Drank more often and more in quantity than I ever had before. Now it's been a year and a few months since then, and alcohol is simply not that important to me to 'try' again.
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Old 03-01-2010, 07:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Scarlet20 View Post
So I've been sober now for about a month, does this mean I can drink socially?
Not if you're an alcoholic like described in the Big Book of AA. If you've crossed that line described in there (can not quit entirely, or have little control over amount), the only hope of successful management is complete abstinence. Being able to drink normally (socially) is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. There are many other descriptions of alcoholism that have also determined that for certain people (alcoholics), there is usually no way of successfully moderating their drinking.

So, maybe it's worth while to find out if you are alcoholic or not.
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Old 03-01-2010, 07:38 AM
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Originally Posted by Scarlet20 View Post
Thanks Horselover, that is really useful advice. Hadn't heard about the 24 hour rule and I love the notion. Because it's the idea of NEVER that really bugs me.
Instead of "never" make it "just for today" as the 24 hours is basically the same.
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Old 03-01-2010, 07:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Scarlet20 View Post
Thanks Horselover, that is really useful advice. Hadn't heard about the 24 hour rule and I love the notion. Because it's the idea of NEVER that really bugs me.
I have the same mindset. I feel if (IF) I can go 1 month without drinking I can "break the cycle/habit". To ME.... it has always been important to drink. My husband is a musician so I spend time in bars/clubs. We live in sunny Florida so that means ALOT of pool-parties and ...you guessed it... DRINKS. I know that most of you will not agree with me and I do want feedback.
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Old 03-01-2010, 08:04 AM
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Hmmm. Thanks for posting this, Scarlet.

I just convinced myself last night that I should give it another go. Have a drink or two since I'd been "so good" for a whole six months.

I'm sorry I did. I didn't go overboard really, at least not like I used to. I had two Bloody Marys over the course of about four hours. No big buzz. Drank "responsibly" in that I nursed them and enjoyed them.

Well... to a point. I kept thinking "I just blew six months" and couldn't stop obsessing over the freaking fact that I was drinking. Oh -- and there was the familiar feeling of alarm at realizing -- upon making my second drink -- that there wouldn't be any more vodka left for a third. So I scanned the shelves for other options. "Damn.... that wine bottle's empty. Ha ha! There's just a bit shy of one glass of Santa Margherita Pino Grigot left in that one...."

I don't have a bad hangover today thank God, but I can certainly tell I drank. AND I learned something important. I may be able to control my drinking (like an alcoholic) on occasion, but it's pretty clear I'll never be able to stop THINKING like one.

To make a long story short -- it wasn't really worth it.

Back to day #1 and the 24 hour rule for me.
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Old 03-01-2010, 09:43 AM
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Its amazing how a taste of sobriety
screws up ones drinking.

Each time i hear someone share that
they have gone back out, its a constant
reminder that alcohol is alive and well
and still licking butt big time.

I had my butt kicked one too many
times in the past that ill pass.

Life of honesty and trust with no
baggage weighing heavy on my
shoulders is a rewarding sober
life to live.
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Old 03-01-2010, 09:52 AM
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I like the 24-hour rule, but a real watershed moment for me occurred when my brother asked, "For how long?" about my sobriety. My retort: "For life." Hearing my reply aloud probably resonated with me more than him, because that was when I realized I quit drinking literally "for my life." Quitting for life doesn't just mean being sober till I leave the planet, but it means a huge step towards delivering a healthy, maximum fulfilling life every day. Because I'm sober.
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Old 03-01-2010, 11:26 AM
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Hi Scarlet,

For myself, I'd have to say no. I just got to 2 months last week. I have no plans on reintroducing alcohol into my life. If nothing else, the only thing I have learned in the last 2 months is that while alcohol consumed a whole lot of my time, money, health, and rational thinking/decision making skills, it contributed literally nothing. Literally, nothing. Well, except for thousands of calories.

I agree with many others on this thread: drinking just isn't worth it (at an absolute minimum), and can cost you everything (easily). Much luck and happiness to you, whatever you choose.

BTW - That no hangovers thing? That's my NUMBER ONE motivator in recovery! I'm hanging onto that feeling with all my might! No amount of drunkenness can ever supersede the impenetrable fortress of awesome that is waking up sober without a hangover. And you can take that to the bank!
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Old 03-01-2010, 06:35 PM
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Originally Posted by NewLeaf View Post
Hmmm. I learned something important. I may be able to control my drinking (like an alcoholic) on occasion, but it's pretty clear I'll never be able to stop THINKING like one.
Liz, that really resonated with me. I'm a little over 9 months sober and those sneaky little thoughts have started to worm their way into my thinking. But, but, but....I just KNOW what will happen...maybe not immediately, but eventually. And I see my alcoholic thinking in so many of my thoughts. Don't laugh, but I have a thing for ice cream and I find myself thinking....will there be enough? Scary, this disease of more. Thank you for posting that, my friend. As usual, you have such insight.

I have to agree that, although there are many, many benefits of sobriety, waking up with a clear conscience and a clear head is one of the best.

And I also agree that alcohol never gave me anything positive. I never woke up thinking "Now that was a good idea!"
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Old 03-02-2010, 05:15 PM
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Cool

24hr rule....? Is there such a thing as a 24hr rule....? In all the recovery programs I’m familiar with, none of them have any rules....suggestions, yes, but no rules.

Now, AA specifically, when it was founded, the folks back then were getting sober (quitting) for good and all (synonymous with forever and never picking up again).

The 24hr ‘suggestion’ (just for today, one day at a time) came about way later. When a few (note, just a few, NOT many) of the newcomers couldn’t conceive of quitting forever, it was suggested that they think of it as just quitting for the next 24hr (or for the day, just today). Of course this was to be only temporary; the long-term objective was to come to the thinking of quitting for good and all.

Of course one can only live one day at a time; one can only live in today, in the current 24hrs, but for the purpose of quitting drinking or drugs, I can see the value of thinking in terms of just the next 24 hours (just for today) for some newcomers, but not for me, not for the kind of alcoholic/addict I was.

For me, when I was a newcomer, and even still today, I couldn’t think in this matter. I had to quit for good and all; to quit forever; to never pick up again. To me/for me, the thought of just the next 24 hours; just for today, was too limiting. It was as though I was giving myself permission to pick up tomorrow, or whenever, and the kind of alcoholic/addict I was.....well, that was just too dangerous a thought. This was it, or I could wind up dead, in the next 24 hours, or tomorrow; and I didn’t want that.

I’ve spoken to a number of persistent relapsers; folks who seem to wonder why they always seem to relapse after 30 days, or 6 months, or around the year mark. I often wonder if they relapse like this because they’re only giving themselves permission for 30 days (or whatever). .........just a thought y’all....

Noelle
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