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Something that bothers me

Old 02-23-2010, 08:33 AM
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Something that bothers me

It never ceases to amaze me how much addicted people beat themselves up by calling themselves "stupid", "worthless", "dumb", "loser", "failure", "terrible", "awful", “reject”, “disgusting”, “weak”, etc.

If you find yourself calling yourself these things, stop.


Here's why you need to stop doing that:

Yeah, you're being mean to yourself. You think you know that you deserve to do this to yourself. You don't. What you don't realize is that you are making it harder for yourself to quit and stay clean/sober.

"Oh, I relapsed! I'm such a moron! Why can't I do anything right? I'll never beat this thing." ....yada yada yada.


If you screw up, the first thing you shouldn't do is beat yourself up for it. All you have to do is acknowledge what you did. That doesn't include self-abuse. Self-abuse is not neccessary to get or stay sober/clean. Self-abuse hurts you a lot.

Recognize the problem and continue to move forward. Don't dwell on it...fix it.

Giving yourself a little love and appreciation will help you loads. Give yourself a hug, treat yourself to a good meal or movie. Do something nice for yourself today.


I'm not perfect...I have self-esteem issues and I'm doing my best to get past my problems. It's tough. What I'm doing now is focusing on my really awesome abilities and personality.


Screw the people who bring you down and make sure you stick up for yourself.



That is all.
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Old 02-23-2010, 08:41 AM
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I am a person of worth.
I can and I will beat this addiction.
I am a productive member of society.
I am a loving partner/spouse/family member, ect.

That's the self talk we need to give ourselves.
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Old 02-23-2010, 08:42 AM
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Good post Bam. Thank you.
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Old 02-23-2010, 08:48 AM
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i think self-abuse is equivalent to self pity...I try not to do it...but I do hold myself responsible for my actions..some of which haven't been the best of decisions.

at this point in my life, the only way is up....and if there are stumbles on the way, they are what they are...as long as I can get back up.
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Old 02-23-2010, 08:53 AM
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Bam......

I remember one of your earlier sig lines ...
it was so darn negetive
It made me cringe for you

Amazing how perceptions shift with sober time....
Good for you!
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Old 02-23-2010, 09:19 AM
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Going along with Wakeup, what you should do whether you believe it or not is start telling yourself how worthy you are, what an awesome smart person, you rock, etc...........

I used to do that to myself as well and decided I was going to tell myself in the mirror everyday how AWESOME I was and what a "kick @ss" person I am. It didn't take long before I believed it and followed suit.

Absolutely with Bam, you don't need to kick yourself, BE YOUR BIGGEST CHEERLEADER!!!!!

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Old 02-23-2010, 09:24 AM
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Wasted many years beating myself up for something I only thought I had some control over.

What a MORON!!

See? There I go again...
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Old 02-23-2010, 09:29 AM
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Originally Posted by Bamboozle View Post
It never ceases to amaze me how much addicted people beat themselves up by calling themselves "stupid", "worthless", "dumb", "loser", "failure", "terrible", "awful", “reject”, “disgusting”, “weak”, etc.
Not really so amazing or hard to understand, as long as an active addict/alcoholic uses these terms to describe themselves, they have an excuse to keep using/drinking. Part of the disease defense mechanism.

I use/drink because I am a loser, therefore I may as well keep drinking/using because that's what losers do
. When someone changes the pejorative 'loser', for example, to the merely descriptive term 'addict' or 'alcoholic' then they immediately eliminate one excuse to use/drink, and turn it into a choice.
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Old 02-23-2010, 09:30 AM
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Steps 4-12 took me way past the self flagellation and into seeing just how useful I can be to my family & my fellow man. Thanks to the steps I like the man I see in the mirror today, no that man is not perfect, far from, but still working at becoming a better man. The man in the mirror accepts full responsibility for my actions, both before and after I sobered up.

Very good post Bamboozle, beating our selfs up serves no purpose, seeing things we need to work on and doing something about it has been the key for me.
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Old 02-23-2010, 10:08 AM
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Yea sometimes that humility thing gets misinterpreted and comes out as self defeatism, self marginalization, self nullification.... that's NOT the point of humility.

Mark
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Old 02-23-2010, 10:39 AM
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I actuallly found the pity pot and the self flagellation very comfortable when i was active, my self esteem was shot to bits because almost daily i would do something that completely deserved contempt...it's a bit hard when you are out there screwing your own and everyone else's life up to look in the mirror and say wow what a great person i am when the evidence to the contrary is right in front of you...

It took taking a good look at myself, in the steps of AA, and a whole load of action and really getting an understanding what to be an alcoholic actually meant to be able to cut myself a break and i'm quite sure i will be working on it until i fall off the perch...but it is a whole load easier now to look in the mirror and think you're alright mate, you make me laugh...much more fun than looking in the mirror and saying i ******* hate you:-)

So i would say when one gets fed up of the daily or periodic 'relapsing' give AA a good go, it's free to go, free coffee and sometimes you get a cake!
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Old 02-23-2010, 11:44 AM
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Great observation Bam:

The deeper I immerse myself in my recovery program, the more I avoid "beating myself up" thinking. And, I'm not referring to relapsing, but lots of life choices...

I couldn't find an important document today. My (sober) plan was to give myself a couple of hours to find it and if I didn't find it, I would get on the phone and see if it was possible to find a copy.
That is what I did, and I didn't beat myself up for not finding the document.

It was 14 years ago last time I saw it....we moved to two different continents during that time....and I think the document is probably still in my possession somewhere but...I don't know where.

I "kept it simple". I didn't obsess about it, didn't turn my house upside down and search for hours on end. I called and asked for help and a copy is being sent in the mail.
Easy Peasy.

If I was still drinking I would have turned my house upside down searching for it, for hours or days, worried myself sick and I would have been calling myself "stupid, careless, etc, etc" the whole time!
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Old 02-23-2010, 11:53 AM
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Bam, that's a great post and message for all of us.

I think us addicts are notorious for beating ourselves up with our inner dialogue. And, it does take work to lose the habit.
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Old 02-23-2010, 02:35 PM
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I too am learning to be kinder to myself, more forgiving. As was said, beating myself up just opens the door to drink again. And I want to be sober more than I want to drink, therefore it makes sense to be kinder to myself and be proud of my achievements.

Thank you Bam for a wonderful encouraging post!
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Old 02-23-2010, 02:44 PM
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Bam

for many years my self loathing became my justification for abusing myself, which fed my self loathing... which became my justification for abusing myself...

I'm glad I've stepped out of that cycle

D
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Old 02-23-2010, 05:05 PM
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Thank you for the post Bboozle...for your words and other thoughts that get in the way of recovery, I thought this was appropriate:

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Old 02-23-2010, 05:51 PM
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I used to do this all the time, every night was pure toture trying to get to sleep. I thought I had to numb myself with drugs and booze so I even had a shot at getting to sleep. I, like most of us, had ample material to work with!! I've always said that nobody could ever put me down harder than I put myself down.

Funny thing is, when I stopped getting high, when I stopped the regular bingeing on the booze, I found that I didn't abuse myself nearly as much. The reasons were all still there, I still couldn't change the things I'd done, but I was finally able to cut myself a little break.

I think part of it is that I feel more positive about myself now, I feel like I'm finally moving forward in life, rather than being stuck in the same hopless spot for eternity. But I gotta think part of it is the effect that the drugs and booze were having on me. I used them because I thought they made me feel better, more able to cope. But, in truth, they were a major part of what was making me feel that way in the first place.

It didn't happen overnight, I still beat on myself at times, nights are particularly hard for me, but it is so much better now. This time last year I was up to my neck in it. I couldn't see my future beyond the next week, let alone next year. I'll tell you one thing, I never would have thought I'd be where I am now in a year. Great job I truly enjoy, close enough to my son I can see him regularly rather than a couple of times a year, getting along much better with my ex, and most amazingly, clean from pot for over 9 months!! I haven't gone that long since I started smoking over 20 years ago.

I guess my point is, while it doesn't happen overnight, it can oftentimes get better sooner than you would ever imagine. Perhaps I've just been lucky. I know for an agnostic, I sure have lived a blessed life. I should be dead now, for any number of reasons, but I'm still kicking and in remarkably good health. Anyway, that's been my experience with it. I wish everyone well. Take care.
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Old 02-23-2010, 06:54 PM
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Thanks for the reminder, Bam. I didn't begin to heal until I learned to forgive myself.
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Old 02-23-2010, 08:45 PM
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Ooooh, that forgiving and healing coming together was 'it' for me, to. Being 'worthy' of sobriety, maybe?

Bam....good thread. GREAT to see you back!
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