Hi I am new..

Old 02-20-2010, 06:06 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 22
Hi I am new..

I stumbled upon this site after thinking that there must be some sort of support out there for what I am going through!
I am a happily married mother of two, did not think that I had a drinking problem until I ate a dodgy scallop two week's ago that made me think i needed to have a few days off the booze.
I think that I got myself in a bit of a drinking rut, husband comes home from stressful day in the office, kids in bed and it must be time to open a bottle of wine- that sort of thing.. looking back I think that I have had a handful of days off that evening glass of wine ( or four ) in the last two years, does this make me an alcaholic? I think perhaps that it does, though I have not drank now for two week's and it has been a rollercoaster.. the shakes, headaches, anxiety, feeling like my cheast is closing in, feeling faint, loss of apetite.. all of these my doc say's are withdrawal symptoms so i guess I have just got to get through them, but I had hoped that I would be feeling better by day 14 which is what I am on today...
I think that I have used to wine ( and that's all I have ever drank) as an escape route from grief, my parents were killed in a car accident two years ago almost to the day and I think I have drank to block out alot of that pain, not feeling very good about that, they would be devestated to know that I have treated myself so badly since that happened!
I hope that I can get some support on here, I never want to go back to drinking every night and i just want to feel 'normal' again!
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Old 02-20-2010, 06:12 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 210,699
Welcome to SR Paula - you'll find a lot of support here
Sorry for your loss.

Good to see another Aussie tho.

Noone here can tell you if you're an alcoholic - but if you think it's a problem, you're come to a good place.

There are a number of online self diagnostic tests for alcoholism. They're not conclusive but they may help you get a better perspective.

here's one
Michigan Alcohol Screening Test (MAST), Revised

It can take a while to feel better sometimes, too. Don't hesitate to go back to yr doctor if you're concerned...and maybe stick to potato scallops LOL

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Old 02-20-2010, 06:15 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
welcome Paula, i am so sorry to hear about your pain of losing your parents so tragically. i cannot imagine...congrats on not drinking for 2 weeks, i am only finishing Day 5 myself and feel much better, but i had the same type of symptoms too....i drank about 8-10 glasse of wine a night for 25 years.

others will be along in a minute...but the support and conversation here is tremendous, i could not have done 5 days with out these wonderful people. you will find we all support eachother and there is a wealth of information.
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Old 02-20-2010, 06:16 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: ozstrayleeya
Posts: 2,950
Smile Hi Paula..

..another Brizzy person here,so welcome..

..lots of great advice here,i'm 14 days sober,ex wine drinker too..

..keep postin'..lots more welcomes & encouragement will follow..
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Old 02-20-2010, 06:20 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
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((Paula)) - welcome to SR!!

I'm sorry about your parents. There are a lot of us here who have used alcohol and/or drugs to "deal with" something that seems too hard to deal with. I had a lot of stuff I had pushed aside, saying "I'll deal with that when I get clean". I'm very grateful for all the supportive people here, who helped me get back on my feet.

Hugs and prayers!

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Old 02-20-2010, 06:50 PM
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Location: SF Bay area, CA
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Welcome to SR! You've come to a wonderful place for support and information to help you stay sober. Congrats on your two weeks sober! That's a great start. As to your still feeling crappy, maybe a good idea to go to your doctor and tell him/her what's going on. Always best to be safe.

I'm glad you joined our family.
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Old 02-20-2010, 07:12 PM
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Welcome Paula!

I used alcohol to 'numb' my pain as well, after losing my younger brother, father and mother. The problem was that the pain was still there after the alcohol was gone and on top of it, I had to deal with awful physical and emotional hangovers.

I've learned that there is nothing on this earth that a drink will make better - whether that drink is wine or whiskey.

Good job on 2 weeks; you will feel better. Glad your dr. is involved.

I'm pulling for you. There's such a better way of life out here for the taking. It won't always be easy but it'll be worth it.
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Old 02-20-2010, 07:26 PM
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Location: Upstate New York
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Pleased to meet you, Paula! Congratulations on trying to find a new, healthier way to live. It's great that you are aware something's not right with your drinking pattern. I never managed to face up to that fact until it was almost too late.

My sympathy to you for the loss of your parents. As you said, they would be very sad to know what losing them has cost you. As others have said, numbing yourself is not an answer. Emotions need to be dealt with clearheaded so you can heal and move forward with your life. I know you can do this! Keep talking to us - we care about you, Paula.
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Old 02-20-2010, 07:43 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 612
I trust you have figured out that the people here are really involved after the response you have gotten after just a little after an hour. I'm still struggling. My dad died in 2004, my mom is 2000 miles away and my only daughter is almost 1000 miles away. I'm married too, quite a bit older than you I expect, but in a similar rut. 2009 was a BIG SERIES of withdrawal symptoms. I never want to go through those again. I was binge drinking, a lot. And it kept getting worse. The fortunate and unfortunate part of the answer to being "normal" is staying sober or drinking in moderation so that it is not an important part of your life. The symptoms you are going through - loss of appetite, shakes, feeling faint (actually fainting-my husband would overreact and call 911 - I could kill him for that) is the same thing I went through several times last year. I started keeping a journal to make sure I remembered those awful experiences and I do reread them now & then. Anyway hang in there. Feel free to PM if you want. I have gone thru a lot in my almost 59 1/2 years. A LOT of those years were great, but some were unnecessarily spent in a fog. All the best to you!:ghug3
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Old 02-20-2010, 08:21 PM
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 22
Thankyou guys for all your kind messages, you made me cry.. boo hoo :-) Anyway yes I think that the main thing is I feel that I am now facing up to the issues that I never did when my parents 1st died, drowning my self in the drink instead and thought that was making me feel better? How wrong was I?
I feel almost liberated that I have told you and maybe here is the road to recovery!
My husband is still drinking every night and that is now another battle that I will have to fight because I cant and wont let him drink himself to death, he already has high blood pressure- as do I and i expect that is due to the drink too in many ways.. and I am under 40 - scary!
I am seeing my doctor again tomorrow ( tho he is a doc who belives in riding it out so he wont give me anything for withrwawals I am expecting!) but he is going to let me know of a therapist who may be able to help with the long delayed getting over the grief thing...
Thanks so much :-)
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Old 02-20-2010, 08:52 PM
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Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Hi and welcome to SR. So very sorry about your parents. I can't even begin to imagine the pain of that tragedy. I do know that when I stopped drinking I had to really even learn how to feel emotions and get through them. It was like I was a baby and never fully matured. I still am learning and I imagine the learning process will continue.

Good for you for seeing a therapist AND consulting with your doctor. You certainly are taking the right steps. Just wanted to pop on and say welcome to this very helpful site. I would think you will get a lot out of it.
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Old 02-20-2010, 09:50 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 33
Hi Paula

helloooo for the west coast - welcome - I too am new and a wine drinker - the support here is amazing and great people - all the best
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Old 02-21-2010, 01:35 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,590
Paula, I don't leap to any conclusions about whether you are an alcoholic or not. I am a bit grumpy today because some friends didn't validate my being an alcoholic who needs to stop. Like I was being a victim and beating myself up by stating I was an addict and that I cannot go back to drinking. A few months ago I would be drunk by now by attempting to cover it up, and the irritation would either have intensified or I would have forgotten it temporarily. Either way, little good would have come of it.

I do relate to what you said about drinking as it relates to your bereavement. I can remember using alcohol as a way to cover up my feelings about some medical issues going on with my parents. I had become legal to drink not long before that. There were other things bothering me at the time too. The alcohol was a way of defying things, I was tough by drinking. I intensified my drinking after each one died too, but that isn't the worst thing about the drinking as far as the "problem" went.

Over time, I always needed to drink and it was a daily effort to ensure I would have it and the rest of life had a potential to get in the way of it. So I just got better at having it (such great organizational skills for someone who could not clean up the house!) and continuously deleted aspects of my life so that there was enough room for alcohol. I call this medicating myself, and I have seen other people say this too. I can't even remember whether I learned that analogy from an alcoholic or whether I came up with it myself too. But I knowingly did these medication sessions for probably 14 years, especially for the last 10. I obtained some successes outside of them, but I came to understand I was deleting my life and wanted to live without it. I was creating more emptiness instead of covering anything up. That cycle with the false medicine, that TRICK, was the worst thing to me.

I wish I had reached out for support on any issues instead of going with the methods I created for myself through drinking before it was remotely a "problem." I could have added more to my life instead of eliminating opportunities. My parents would not have wanted me to suffer the way I did either.

I hope you will keep reaching out for support in the ways that work for you. It might be worth it to think of it as doing it for your own benefit though, rather than thinking about what your parents would have thought. I wish I could do so much more out of my intention to be helpful besides what I've said here.
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Old 02-21-2010, 01:49 AM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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Location: Serene In Dixie
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Sorry to know you lost your parents ....

Welcome to our recovery community....
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Old 02-21-2010, 01:59 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2009
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Welcome Paula!! I too am a wine abuser and used wine to numb all the pain I felt following my separation/divorce and then subsequent breakup with someone special. I am so sorry for the loss of your parents. I can't imagine the pain you must have gone through and wanting to numb it all away with wine is something I can relate to. Many of us are in the same boat here... you are certainly not alone.

Re: whether you are an alcoholic or not.... I struggled with that question for myself for a long time. Sometimes I think yes, sometimes I think no. In the end, it kept me drinking longer than I should have. I have now concluded that the label doesn't matter much to me -- I have a serious problem with alcohol and I need to stop drinking. Call it alcoholism, call it problem drinking, it doesn't matter. But what does matter is that I stop.

See you around, Paula!
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