Paula, I don't leap to any conclusions about whether you are an alcoholic or not. I am a bit grumpy today because some friends didn't validate my being an alcoholic who needs to stop. Like I was being a victim and beating myself up by stating I was an addict and that I cannot go back to drinking. A few months ago I would be drunk by now by attempting to cover it up, and the irritation would either have intensified or I would have forgotten it temporarily. Either way, little good would have come of it.
I do relate to what you said about drinking as it relates to your bereavement. I can remember using alcohol as a way to cover up my feelings about some medical issues going on with my parents. I had become legal to drink not long before that. There were other things bothering me at the time too. The alcohol was a way of defying things, I was tough by drinking. I intensified my drinking after each one died too, but that isn't the worst thing about the drinking as far as the "problem" went.
Over time, I always needed to drink and it was a daily effort to ensure I would have it and the rest of life had a potential to get in the way of it. So I just got better at having it (such great organizational skills for someone who could not clean up the house!) and continuously deleted aspects of my life so that there was enough room for alcohol. I call this medicating myself, and I have seen other people say this too. I can't even remember whether I learned that analogy from an alcoholic or whether I came up with it myself too. But I knowingly did these medication sessions for probably 14 years, especially for the last 10. I obtained some successes outside of them, but I came to understand I was deleting my life and wanted to live without it. I was creating more emptiness instead of covering anything up. That cycle with the false medicine, that TRICK, was the worst thing to me.
I wish I had reached out for support on any issues instead of going with the methods I created for myself through drinking before it was remotely a "problem." I could have added more to my life instead of eliminating opportunities. My parents would not have wanted me to suffer the way I did either.
I hope you will keep reaching out for support in the ways that work for you. It might be worth it to think of it as doing it for your own benefit though, rather than thinking about what your parents would have thought. I wish I could do so much more out of my intention to be helpful besides what I've said here.