Welcome Paula!! I too am a wine abuser and used wine to numb all the pain I felt following my separation/divorce and then subsequent breakup with someone special. I am so sorry for the loss of your parents. I can't imagine the pain you must have gone through and wanting to numb it all away with wine is something I can relate to. Many of us are in the same boat here... you are certainly not alone.
Re: whether you are an alcoholic or not.... I struggled with that question for myself for a long time. Sometimes I think yes, sometimes I think no. In the end, it kept me drinking longer than I should have. I have now concluded that the label doesn't matter much to me -- I have a serious problem with alcohol and I need to stop drinking. Call it alcoholism, call it problem drinking, it doesn't matter. But what does matter is that I stop.
See you around, Paula!