Shuttin 'em down
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 30
Shuttin 'em down
Bad thoughts, that is.
I've been working on identifying when, where and why my thinking shifts from "feeling great about sobriety" to "gonna stop at the beer store." It happens in an instant.
Looking back, this is what I see happening: I feel totally confident about not drinking, and the next minute some thought jumps into my mind, and there's no going back. I may be sitting at my desk at work, running errands or doing any number of innocuous things. One thought. Out of nowhere.
I call it a thought, as opposed to an urge. It’s a thought that instantly validates drinking for me. It is an elusive thought; very hard to describe. All at once it conveys to me: the taste of the beer; the feeling I will get from the buzz; that I’m going to drink anyway so make up my mind already, that I will quit another time soon.
From there, it's like I'm on autopilot. It's like I could not avoid stopping and buying beer, even if I wanted to. Like I have blinders on. No other “good” thought—telling me not to drink—can enter my mind.
So, today, I feel great, secure and confident in not drinking. If and when that bad thought pops up, I want to be prepared. Because it will.
Anyone else know what I'm talking about?
I've been working on identifying when, where and why my thinking shifts from "feeling great about sobriety" to "gonna stop at the beer store." It happens in an instant.
Looking back, this is what I see happening: I feel totally confident about not drinking, and the next minute some thought jumps into my mind, and there's no going back. I may be sitting at my desk at work, running errands or doing any number of innocuous things. One thought. Out of nowhere.
I call it a thought, as opposed to an urge. It’s a thought that instantly validates drinking for me. It is an elusive thought; very hard to describe. All at once it conveys to me: the taste of the beer; the feeling I will get from the buzz; that I’m going to drink anyway so make up my mind already, that I will quit another time soon.
From there, it's like I'm on autopilot. It's like I could not avoid stopping and buying beer, even if I wanted to. Like I have blinders on. No other “good” thought—telling me not to drink—can enter my mind.
So, today, I feel great, secure and confident in not drinking. If and when that bad thought pops up, I want to be prepared. Because it will.
Anyone else know what I'm talking about?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 30
Yes.
I've always blammed the alcohol for me wanting it. Now when I pass the wine section, I see it as an old friend that I used to have fun and get into trouble with.
I say hi when I pass the wine section but thats it. Ever since I started seeing alcohol this way, the urges have cut back....there still there, but tolerable.
I've always blammed the alcohol for me wanting it. Now when I pass the wine section, I see it as an old friend that I used to have fun and get into trouble with.
I say hi when I pass the wine section but thats it. Ever since I started seeing alcohol this way, the urges have cut back....there still there, but tolerable.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
I used to get those thoughts.
That is when I refer to my list of bad things that will happen if I follow through.
The hangover.
My wife leaving me.
The empty feeling of not knowing what I may have said.
Now when I think of alcohol I only see the bad results and no longer see those good things you describe. The taste, etc.
That is when I refer to my list of bad things that will happen if I follow through.
The hangover.
My wife leaving me.
The empty feeling of not knowing what I may have said.
Now when I think of alcohol I only see the bad results and no longer see those good things you describe. The taste, etc.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Heck yea, for many years I would swear off in the morning, go to work and find myself backing out of the 7-11 parking place popping a top!!!! The last years I would swear off at night & find myself in the garage loading up 8 in my soft cooler to make sure I had enough for the ride home.
The last 5 years I drank when I did not want to drink, the last 2 years I either got really drunk on 6 or I could drink one after the other all day and not even get a buzz......... I had to drink to feel normal!
The only thing that broke that cycle I had no control over was finding a Power greater then myself and giving my need to drink over to him. I did that with the 12 steps, the obsession was lifted, I no longer find a beer magically in my hand.
The last 5 years I drank when I did not want to drink, the last 2 years I either got really drunk on 6 or I could drink one after the other all day and not even get a buzz......... I had to drink to feel normal!
The only thing that broke that cycle I had no control over was finding a Power greater then myself and giving my need to drink over to him. I did that with the 12 steps, the obsession was lifted, I no longer find a beer magically in my hand.
On my path.
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Home
Posts: 330
Yes, I relate to the 'great feelings about not drinking' and then.... wham I have a beer in my hand. Almost zombie like in my reaction - unaware.
Thoughts of drinking still run through my head but I have lost the zombie, no brain, reaction. I used alcohol to fill other needs so the drinking thoughts just mean that something else is lacking at the moment. Am I hungry, thirsty, lonely, tired, stressed? I am grateful for the new awareness and sobriety.
Thank you for the post,
55438
Thoughts of drinking still run through my head but I have lost the zombie, no brain, reaction. I used alcohol to fill other needs so the drinking thoughts just mean that something else is lacking at the moment. Am I hungry, thirsty, lonely, tired, stressed? I am grateful for the new awareness and sobriety.
Thank you for the post,
55438
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: scotland
Posts: 126
Skistop... Am pretty sure i must be your longlost telepathic brother as that exact thought pattern enters my brainwaves everyday jus now!!! you could,nt have put it
more poetically true...i love the bit once thrown into auto pilot theres no longer room
for negotiation..same difference... Yes sir it sure aint easy..
Standin firm.
more poetically true...i love the bit once thrown into auto pilot theres no longer room
for negotiation..same difference... Yes sir it sure aint easy..
Standin firm.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 100,105
Yep! I get those thoughts out of nowhere. I have to argue with myself, tell myself firmly that drinking is NOT an option anymore, that there's no more fun in it, only sickness and misery and risk. Sickness and misery I want to avoid and risk I don't want to take.
You have to re-train your brain/mind. Some do it with AA and the steps, some do it other ways, like the power of positive thinking, or, in my case, the power of negative thinking - I think of all the negatives that go with drinking and they greatly outweigh any positives.
Hang in there! Don't let your addict voice put you in a bad place. It is, after all, just a voice and can be shouted down or drowned out or just ignored.
You have to re-train your brain/mind. Some do it with AA and the steps, some do it other ways, like the power of positive thinking, or, in my case, the power of negative thinking - I think of all the negatives that go with drinking and they greatly outweigh any positives.
Hang in there! Don't let your addict voice put you in a bad place. It is, after all, just a voice and can be shouted down or drowned out or just ignored.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 30
Thanks, folks, for the replies. Glad to see I'm not the only one.
I've been keeping energized today about sobriety. I think, but I'm not sure, that I almost had one of the "thoughts" creeping in. I refused to let myself entertain it.
For me, if I get into a negotiation, I'm pretty sure I'll lose. Gotta keep myself away from the bargaining table to begin with.
I've been keeping energized today about sobriety. I think, but I'm not sure, that I almost had one of the "thoughts" creeping in. I refused to let myself entertain it.
For me, if I get into a negotiation, I'm pretty sure I'll lose. Gotta keep myself away from the bargaining table to begin with.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Gotta get into a recovery programme. As long as it fundamentally changes the way you 'think' then it should be OK. Work the programme every day to your best ability and you should find overtime things start to quiten down. That's not to say that the odd 'thought' may creep in but you can usually work out why... and then work your programme so that you fix what needs to be fixed to quiten the 'thoughts' down again.
Just my take on it obviously.
Of course you get those thoughts... Any alkie worth his salt should get thoughts just like them out of nowhere! LOL.
Just remember a thought is just that... it don't have any really power unless you act upon it.
Just my take on it obviously.
Of course you get those thoughts... Any alkie worth his salt should get thoughts just like them out of nowhere! LOL.
Just remember a thought is just that... it don't have any really power unless you act upon it.
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
It's those mad thoughts that you have suddenly out of nowhere that tell you you want a drink and then suddenly you can't think of anything but having a drink and the inevitable happens. Alcoholism is an allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind. We cure the allergy of the body by abstaining from it.....but long after being sober, the obsession of the mind is still there.
One of the truly wonderful thing about working the 12 Steps of AA is that the obsession to drink alcohol is removed.
I heard this the other day about thoughts.....
A thought is like a train which pulls into the station and the doors open. You can choose to get on board or you can stay where you are, let the doors shut and the train move away without you.
One of the truly wonderful thing about working the 12 Steps of AA is that the obsession to drink alcohol is removed.
I heard this the other day about thoughts.....
A thought is like a train which pulls into the station and the doors open. You can choose to get on board or you can stay where you are, let the doors shut and the train move away without you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 212,822
I used to get that too...like a switch being thrown - you can argue with cravings, but with this everything else receded...once I had 'the thought' it was green lights all the way.
I've found there *is* going back - you can have 'the thought' and not go through with it - as long as you're working on your recovery
D
I've found there *is* going back - you can have 'the thought' and not go through with it - as long as you're working on your recovery
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 100,105
A thought is like a train which pulls into the station and the doors open. You can choose to get on board or you can stay where you are, let the doors shut and the train move away without you
That's a good analogy. I'm going to remember that one! Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 28
After rehab and a few months under my belt, I began to look at any given drink as containing my mountains of debt, broken realitionships, abused heart and body, and anti-social, destructive nature. I'm becoming the opposite of that in AA, with my HP's help. Now, instead, I view a cup of coffee (go figure) as paying off my bills, mending the past, healing mentally and physically, and becoming social again. Our brains our very powerful -- FORCING a different train of thought often works. If not, praying helps me. Or calling someone.
I always try to remember my last drunk / high. It was very unpleasant; brought me to my knees. I can't romance or regain the first, magical one: it's gone and will never come back. It was fun once, but I took it too far; like time, there's no going back. As Dr. Bob said, and I paraphrase, I've abused my right to alcohol so frightfully that it can never return. I'm ok with that.
On the plus side, you have awareness now of the thought. Good work.
I always try to remember my last drunk / high. It was very unpleasant; brought me to my knees. I can't romance or regain the first, magical one: it's gone and will never come back. It was fun once, but I took it too far; like time, there's no going back. As Dr. Bob said, and I paraphrase, I've abused my right to alcohol so frightfully that it can never return. I'm ok with that.
On the plus side, you have awareness now of the thought. Good work.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: scotland
Posts: 126
Thats a cool statement to make!! whilst drunk and disordely you gotta away with so much!! sooner or later that lucks about to run out!!! IS so true freind!! change beforehand preferably.... WAY TO GO..
i agree 50%. haha.
i agree 50%. haha.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Many alcoholics, who since went on to have long term sobriety, discovered this fact about themselves.
I've certainly discovered the same fact about myself. But I only discovered it after having some time not drinking, doing the mental picture of drinking poison, recalling lists of why I wasn't drinking, staying away from my triggers, and all the other mental defenses, and then getting drunk anyway after a few months. YMMV.
Originally Posted by AA Big Book 1st Ed.
The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.
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