Shuttin 'em down
Bad thoughts, that is.
I've been working on identifying when, where and why my thinking shifts from "feeling great about sobriety" to "gonna stop at the beer store." It happens in an instant.
Looking back, this is what I see happening: I feel totally confident about not drinking, and the next minute some thought jumps into my mind, and there's no going back. I may be sitting at my desk at work, running errands or doing any number of innocuous things. One thought. Out of nowhere.
I call it a thought, as opposed to an urge. It’s a thought that instantly validates drinking for me. It is an elusive thought; very hard to describe. All at once it conveys to me: the taste of the beer; the feeling I will get from the buzz; that I’m going to drink anyway so make up my mind already, that I will quit another time soon.
From there, it's like I'm on autopilot. It's like I could not avoid stopping and buying beer, even if I wanted to. Like I have blinders on. No other “good” thought—telling me not to drink—can enter my mind.
So, today, I feel great, secure and confident in not drinking. If and when that bad thought pops up, I want to be prepared. Because it will.
Anyone else know what I'm talking about?