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Old 02-07-2010, 09:10 PM
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JWM
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I'm the new guy.

I quit two days ago and it was really rough. I basically locked myself in the house for a whole day and paced back and forth in the kitchen arguing with myself about whether or not to go to the store for a few hours. I couldn't even focus enough on anything to stay busy and take my mind off it. At one point I had my keys in my hand and I just ran into the shower and turned on the water to soak myself and my clothes so I would not be able to go out in public. I was drinking an 18-pack a night. It was like if I had something to do I would come home convinced I would get it done, then sit down to have a beer and before I noticed I had finished the whole pack and I would be passed out on the couch in the morning. I used to make sure my alarm was set before I drank the first one at like 5PM. I don't know how I justified this and still thought I would be capable of taking care of my responsibilities outside of work. I mean who comes home, goes to have a beer, and thinks "I better set my alarm for in the morning"?

Today was day 2 and I am feeling alot better, but I have been discovering things that I did in the past that were really odd. I know I was mean to people and I had a relationship that ended several months ago. Now I know that everything was my fault. I don't like it...

Anyway I recently started making more money at work doing something I really love and I am hoping to use this to pay off some debts. Maybe that will relieve some stress... idk.

If I am an alcoholic, is it possible to be convinced today that I will not drink anymore but still end up getting wasted? Also, is there a chance that I am not an alcoholic? How would I know this? lol sometimes I wonder if I am just crazy... especially lately.
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Old 02-07-2010, 09:24 PM
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First off - welcome to SR. Its a great site with lots and lots of information. The people here will support you.

As far as alcohol and whether you are an alcoholic or not I think only you can answer that. Where does that first drink take you? What consequences are there to your drinking? There's a list of questions somewhere around here and I am sure one of our very helpful moderators can point you in the right direction.

As far as drinking and moderating your intake, I tried that for years. I even switched what I was drinking. Never found anything that worked except abstinence. This site has been my support and these people have helped me through it. I would go to a meeting if that didn't work because I vowed that I would do anything but drink. I have nothing against meetings, but just decided to try this first.

Okay. I have talked way too long. Welcome again to SR and I hope you find lots of help and information to start you on your way.
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Old 02-07-2010, 09:41 PM
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Hey JWM

I mean who comes home, goes to have a beer, and thinks "I better set my alarm for in the morning"?
I did.

Today was day 2 and I am feeling alot better, but I have been discovering things that I did in the past that were really odd. I know I was mean to people and I had a relationship that ended several months ago. Now I know that everything was my fault. I don't like it...
It really hard not to dwell on the past...especially on day two...but whats done is done...get yourself in recovery first, focus on getting up some sober time...then you'll much better equipped to look back at everything and work out what to do, if anything.

If I am an alcoholic, is it possible to be convinced today that I will not drink anymore but still end up getting wasted?
Yes - I've done that many time, and I know I'm not the only one.

It takes effort and determination to stick to this - but read and post here as much a you like - I'm sure you'll find lots of encouragement and support here

Also, is there a chance that I am not an alcoholic? How would I know this? lol sometimes I wonder if I am just crazy... especially lately.
I often think a better question to ask is 'is my drinking causing me problems' - and then look around for solutions.

I'd say worry about the label later. I didn't decide I was an alcoholic until I read enough posts here and saw myself in nearly all of them. That was good enough for me

Welcome to SR
D
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Old 02-07-2010, 09:42 PM
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Originally Posted by JWM View Post
I quit two days ago and it was really rough. I basically locked myself in the house for a whole day and paced back and forth in the kitchen arguing with myself about whether or not to go to the store for a few hours. I couldn't even focus enough on anything to stay busy and take my mind off it. At one point I had my keys in my hand and I just ran into the shower and turned on the water to soak myself and my clothes so I would not be able to go out in public. I was drinking an 18-pack a night. It was like if I had something to do I would come home convinced I would get it done, then sit down to have a beer and before I noticed I had finished the whole pack and I would be passed out on the couch in the morning. I used to make sure my alarm was set before I drank the first one at like 5PM. I don't know how I justified this and still thought I would be capable of taking care of my responsibilities outside of work. I mean who comes home, goes to have a beer, and thinks "I better set my alarm for in the morning"?
yep...that is typical alcoholic behavior...

Originally Posted by JWM View Post
If I am an alcoholic, is it possible to be convinced today that I will not drink anymore but still end up getting wasted? Also, is there a chance that I am not an alcoholic? How would I know this? lol sometimes I wonder if I am just crazy... especially lately.
You may or may not be an alchohlic. One way to look at it would be by reading in the Alchoholics Anonomys book the first 3 chapters....also, if you find you are the type who cannot will/want or by any other self means stay sober....then you may be the type of alchoholic that AA can help.

My biggist fear is to find out I'm not alchoholic, cause if i'm not... i'm not sure there would be any hope for me.

Glad you are hear and you are asking the right questions
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Old 02-07-2010, 10:15 PM
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How much were you spending on alcohol?
You could put that ammount into getting your
finances back in order...

I think your new job performance would benefit
if you quit drinking Mine did within a
few weeks of sobriety.

Welcome to SR...
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Old 02-08-2010, 02:54 AM
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Hi there

Welcome to SR...

As for setting the alarm before lifting the first drink... i did that... and the earlier and earlier i drank... the earlier the alarm got set...
In the end alarm or not... i would be awake from 3 in the morning anyway... no sleeping in... just sat feeling crappy waiting to go to work... trying so hard to not take another drink to get through those hours so i could get to work...

Only you can answer if you are an alcoholic... for me i never admitted it til about 6wks ago... after about 10mnths of being sober... so for me it doesnt matter the label...

Please stick around... read read read the posts... and write too... you are welcome here and i hope you find the support many of us have here...
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Old 02-08-2010, 05:37 AM
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Whether or not you're an alcoholic, if drinking is causing you problems it's best to quit drinking. Think of the money you'll save and the accidents you won't have! Early sobriety can be a bit rough but it's very much worth the effort.

Welcome to SR!
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Old 02-08-2010, 05:45 AM
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Welcome to SR JWM
As the others said there is no real value in deciding whether you are an alcoholic or not.
It is apparent that you think that your drinking is a problem so you should concentrate on finding a solution that works for you.
When I quit for good I made a list of the goods and bads of drinking and as long as the list points to not drinking I will not drink.
This is working so far but if it fails I will definitely try another method.
I made some half baked attempts at moderating also. I am sure most of us did with less than stellar results.
There is plenty of support here for anyone that wants or needs it.
Good luck in your quest.
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Old 02-08-2010, 05:47 AM
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If I am an alcoholic, is it possible to be convinced today that I will not drink anymore but still end up getting wasted?
..

In my own experience......yes.
i did that plenty.....
not being able to summon to my mind with enough force.. memorys of the last debacle......in short powerless to resist it...

for me that inability is part of alcoholism......its part of a strange mental twist...even though it killing me.......even though i should recoil from it.....even though its taken most of any friends and family.
i do it all over again......and some.

Are you a alcoholic??........thats for you too decide ...with help maybe.
but there is plenty of help for you to come to that decision.
aa have a set of 20 questions that may help........hopefully someone will post a link..
going to aa may help you come to that conclusion.....try an open meeting and ask some experience members for advice.

if i can be of any help please feel free to pm me.
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