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Old 02-03-2010, 01:47 PM
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Unhappy Hey guys

I'm hoping this is the last time I come here after a relapse and the first time I come here as Day 1 and that being true.

I currently have group therapy for my Eating Disorder and am doing a kind of outpatient rehab-type program. Both mean I can't work and I've committed myself to this for 3 months.

Thing is I relapsed again, the feelings are too hard sometimes, the loneliness to all-encompassing, the self-hatred and poor me's take over, my depressionj wins. I know I should reach out for help in these times but I find that so hard too.

My eating and drinking issues are so connected its impossible to separate them. Without one the other kicks in, I sometimes think my mind and body are on a mission to destroy me.

Anyway, I have a sponsor, I go to meetings (about 3 a week) but I still feel stupidly disconnected from life and then my ED kicks in again. So I try to manage that for sometime before my drinking head kicks in.

GAH, I hear people say it gets easier, I just wish I knew when!!
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Old 02-03-2010, 02:21 PM
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Hi Mimi,

Welcome!

I know how overwhelming the emotions can be. I let my guilt and shame prevent me from recovering for a long time. Believe that you deserve a good life!
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Old 02-03-2010, 02:29 PM
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Welcome back, Mimi.
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Old 02-03-2010, 02:43 PM
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Originally Posted by mimi54321 View Post
My eating and drinking issues are so connected its impossible to separate them. Without one the other kicks in, I sometimes think my mind and body are on a mission to destroy me.

Hi Mimi,

I know exactly how you feel. You are not alone.

I got started in OA in 1999 but I have just got sober and gone into AA a month ago.

I have spent the last year or so trying to work out what I am more powerless over - food or alcohol. Or which one is the least problem, food or alcohol. Each time I would write the list, changing which one was in first place. It was an exhausting, never ending, cyclic process and every time I did it, the 'other one' would kick me in the arse and take me back to hell.

Today food and alcohol sit side by side on the list. They are the same problem and I cannot seperate the two. I learned that the hard way. I know today that if I ever try to seperate the two again, as sure as night follows day one of them will get me to use the other and take me back to hell again.

The solution for both is the same. Working the 12 steps. Does it get easier? I have no cravings for either food or alcohol today and I have all of those things promised in the Promises. I work hard at it but I believe what it says that I will always have them, if I "work for them"

Keep in touch
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