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My husband is really acting weird!!!

Old 02-03-2010, 06:58 AM
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My husband is really acting weird!!!

Day 32 for me!! Feeling better each day, started going back to the gym daily!! Wow, it is really adding so much to my day, I am looking forward to it now!! I want to return back to the athlete I was in 2005, participating in Triathlons and riding some serious miles on my bike!!! I am so HaPPy to have some of those desires back!! Still going to take it slow, which is hard for me since I do everything to the extreme!!

My husband is acting weird.....seems like the better I get the more aches and pains he has!! Panic attacks, doctor visits, whining, he can't explain whats wrong.......Makes me wonder if he is having some anxiety surrounding my reaching for recovery!! The doc did give him an anti-depressant for anxiety attacks and lorazapam for immediate relief!! My first reaction was to see if he would share a loraz with me.......He won't, thank goodness!! So I am just spending more time at the gym while he sleeps!! That's really a DRAG!! Hopefully, he will get use to his meds and quit sleeping so much!! He usually always wants to go to the gym with me!! I need to be patient but it is hard for me to understand what he might be going through!!! He is an addict from way back but can pick up and put down on his terms, doesn't drink anymore either!!! GGGRRRRR, he can never understand why I can NOT do the same!!!

Grateful to be sober today!!
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Old 02-03-2010, 08:04 AM
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I'm glad your recovery is going well!

Hopefully, your husband can get to the bottom of his health issues and feel better.
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Old 02-03-2010, 10:53 AM
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..4 u both....take care..

..maybe hold his hand...
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Old 02-03-2010, 03:27 PM
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Hi maybe he is frightened of (your) change and how uncertain that could make his life. Ultimately you have to concentrate on your own recovery.....he has medical support which is the main thing.

Well done on staying sober
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Old 02-04-2010, 01:41 AM
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Dear husband quit smoking a month ago and it appeared to be going easily since he only smoked 1-2 cigs in the evening to relax. I've been telling him how proud I am of him....WELL, I thought I smelt smoke on his hands yesterday but he denied it and today I find his stash of cigarettes in our lock-box, that he thought was securely locked!!! He keeps passports, foreign money and prescription drugs in there that he doesn't want me to take ALL in one week!!! Honestly, there is only some sleeping pills and his new script for lorazapam!! I still don't need that temptation hanging out there as pills are a weakness for me too.....I keep resisting but how do I tell him the box is open without a ration of $hit from him for my checking on it!! GEEeeeeze.....we have some real trust issues, eh?

OK.....I really don't care if he wants to continue smoking, it is his health that he's worried about. He is also sneaking around with some other stuff which is REALLY pissing me off and hurting my heart!! I have shared how hurtful this is to me and he says all the right stuff to make me happy again! Got back early yesterday, he's surprised......I told him that it was unacceptable, still hurt my heart and I left the house spenting 2 hours working out very hard at the gym!!! Really felt good to do something for me and NOT drink over my husbands $hit!! My sponsor keeps telling me to just put him on the shelf and not worry about his stuff. Well, that is pretty friggin hard when we are married, spend all our time together except when he's working. I DON'T want his crap in my head, I am already dealing with so much about myself!!! I feel like confronting him about the smokes but I know until he is ready to really quit, it is up to him! It is just this sneaking around crap that has me livid!! What is he friggin 12? I think not!!! GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

My sponsor also assures me that I am in a safe place to work on my sobriety. I don't have to work and need for nothing so I need to just focus on me. One day, I may realize that my marriage was based on nothing but sick addictions and need to make a change! I can NOT worry about that today, it is toooo scary!! I just needed to vent and get these words out of my head! I am meeting with my sponsor in a few hours so I am looking forward to her ideas and thoughts on taking care of ME!!!!

I would also welcome any comfort from my new friends on SR!! I can not seem to settle down about this.....is it really that big of a deal?? It feels like it at this moment!!
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Old 02-04-2010, 02:01 AM
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Oh yeah...I do love him!!
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Old 02-04-2010, 05:07 AM
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Of course you love him. The fear that your marriage may be built on the insanity of addiction and how that will play out in the future, is very natural. But the answers to that will come when you are working the 12 steps.

We drink on our resentments ("number 1 offender), our fears, the harms we do to others. It seems to me that when you get angry at your husband, you're frightened for his health and then you have a go at him and try to control him, your alcoholic mind is giving you the full works of character defects that will get you to drink again.

This disease is very cunning and it will do anything and everything to trick you back into drinking. Don't let it. Put aside these thoughts about your husband (as sponsor has instructed), remind yourself it's your disease trying to get you to drink again.

Instead put your focus back on what your sponsor has instructed you to do and work your steps. Trust in the process and you will get better.
Take care.
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Old 02-04-2010, 07:15 AM
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Thanks so much Intention.....Yep, I have put hubby back on the shelf and working on my recovery plan. We are starting the steps!! Such a cunning and baffling disease, thank you for reminding me of all the tricks!!

I am just gonna chill and trust the process!!!

Feeling better at the end of Day 34!!
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Old 02-04-2010, 07:20 AM
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InsideOut...it sounds like the sneaking around part has you the most bothered. My husband and I went through a rough spell a couple years back...he was telling me half truths...and then just would flat out lie. He had a hard time telling me things he knew I wouldn't like...like going away with the guys for weekends, etc. Anyway, I had many a melt down till I finally got it through his head that he's making it WORSE by hiding things than if he just told me up front. I know this has nothing to do with drinking per se, but I guess I'm saying just talk to him about it. Everything is better once it's out there. It took a long time for mine to change his ways..it was just how he operated. He wasn't trying to hurt me...quite the opposite...but ultimately it did. Yes, sneaking stuff sucks.
Hope this helps!! Hugs to you!
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