What Next?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 22
What Next?
Hello.
My story is typical.
I'm a functioning alcoholic; I have known this for some time. I am 27. When I am sober I feel confident and happy. I am motivated and ambitious. When I am drinking, I pretend to be confident and happy and am simply not motivated or ambitious. I've quit drinking and come back many times in the past. Every three to four months, according to the journal I keep only when I am sober.
I write things like, "Your drinking has hurt you and worse - everyone you've ever been close with. It will again hurt you and them, without a doubt, should you return to alcohol - guaranteed."
Of course you know how this plays out. I always end up drinking again - as I'm sure so many do. A beer here or there, the slippery slope - and before I know it I'm back to pounding bottles of wine or whatever else I can get my hands on.
I've come to terms with this. I have also come to terms with the fact that I need to attend a group in order to remind me of all the negative things alcohol has brought to my life.
Another shocker to many of you - I am hesitant to go to that first meeting. I'm not afraid of who I am, nor am I afraid to look other people in the eye and speak to these truths. Oddly (or maybe not so oddly), I am very comfortable talking about my problem to strangers. Very comfortable.
In my "drinking journal" though, I've been writing about the need to attend a group for 18 months now.
In the time that passes, the cycle - the rollercoaster - keeps going round and round.
My problem does not make me uneasy. Walking into an AA meeting does.
~E. Tom Rosewater
Oh, and, thanks for 'listening.'
My story is typical.
I'm a functioning alcoholic; I have known this for some time. I am 27. When I am sober I feel confident and happy. I am motivated and ambitious. When I am drinking, I pretend to be confident and happy and am simply not motivated or ambitious. I've quit drinking and come back many times in the past. Every three to four months, according to the journal I keep only when I am sober.
I write things like, "Your drinking has hurt you and worse - everyone you've ever been close with. It will again hurt you and them, without a doubt, should you return to alcohol - guaranteed."
Of course you know how this plays out. I always end up drinking again - as I'm sure so many do. A beer here or there, the slippery slope - and before I know it I'm back to pounding bottles of wine or whatever else I can get my hands on.
I've come to terms with this. I have also come to terms with the fact that I need to attend a group in order to remind me of all the negative things alcohol has brought to my life.
Another shocker to many of you - I am hesitant to go to that first meeting. I'm not afraid of who I am, nor am I afraid to look other people in the eye and speak to these truths. Oddly (or maybe not so oddly), I am very comfortable talking about my problem to strangers. Very comfortable.
In my "drinking journal" though, I've been writing about the need to attend a group for 18 months now.
In the time that passes, the cycle - the rollercoaster - keeps going round and round.
My problem does not make me uneasy. Walking into an AA meeting does.
~E. Tom Rosewater
Oh, and, thanks for 'listening.'
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Laguna Niguel
Posts: 135
Understand that, most of my life the fear kept me sick.Walk in sit down in the back and don't speak if you don't want to just hear what sounds like you,I know you'll leave and be saying to yourself I can relate to that guy.
Don't let fear stand in the way of your recovery.It gets better I'm glad I finely just walked in even though it took me 36 years.
Don't let fear stand in the way of your recovery.It gets better I'm glad I finely just walked in even though it took me 36 years.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Of course you are apprehensive Tom
I don't think any of us ever planned.expected
to require assistance concerning our drinking.
Please check out this link....
Your First AA Meeting<
I used to say I put the fun into "functioning alcoholic"
when in truth my fun bottles were long empty.
My first meeting? I asked a friend to go with me.
Welcome to our recovery community....
I don't think any of us ever planned.expected
to require assistance concerning our drinking.
Please check out this link....
Your First AA Meeting<
I used to say I put the fun into "functioning alcoholic"
when in truth my fun bottles were long empty.
My first meeting? I asked a friend to go with me.
Welcome to our recovery community....
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi ETR
I'm not an AAer but I hope you make that meeting - it's a rubicon to cross I guess, but it just might be the experience that moves your situation from problem to solution.
You won't know unless you go
Welcome to SR
D
I'm not an AAer but I hope you make that meeting - it's a rubicon to cross I guess, but it just might be the experience that moves your situation from problem to solution.
You won't know unless you go
Welcome to SR
D
I was once told NIKE.Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
Well, as your namesake says and he very well could have been addressing an AA meeting:
So it's up to you whether the next fifty years or so will be heaven or hell for you and your son
It's your call and you know where the people who know how to get sober are
you know if you call AA they will send someone to meet you and take you to or meet you at a meeting
po tweet po tweet
You're the only ones zany enough to agonize over time and distance without limit, over mysteries that will never die, over the fact that we are right now determining whether the space voyage for the next billion years or so is going to be Heaven or Hell.
It's your call and you know where the people who know how to get sober are
you know if you call AA they will send someone to meet you and take you to or meet you at a meeting
po tweet po tweet
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Welcome to SR Tom. 
I think that doing things that make us uncomfortable helps us grow and become more confident.
Not only will this help you in your sobriety but it will also help with your confidence in facing situations that you find may be uncomfortable.
Just go for it and you will be glad that you did.
I think that doing things that make us uncomfortable helps us grow and become more confident.
Not only will this help you in your sobriety but it will also help with your confidence in facing situations that you find may be uncomfortable.
Just go for it and you will be glad that you did.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
I hope you can get up the nerve to go. More than likely you'll find lots of people there with the same problem: alcohol. They understand the problem and they have a solution. Give it a try, what have you got to lose except your dependence on alcohol.
Welcome to SR!
that was so true for me also... It was no longer fun and no longer worked to 'medicate' my depression and anxiety, but only made it much worse.
Welcome to SR!
I used to say I put the fun into "functioning alcoholic"
when in truth my fun bottles were long empty.
when in truth my fun bottles were long empty.
that was so true for me also... It was no longer fun and no longer worked to 'medicate' my depression and anxiety, but only made it much worse.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR EliotRosewater!
Here are a few ideas:
1. Call your local AA hotline and ask if someone could call you and arrange to meet them out side of a meeting to go in with.
2. Call your local AA hotline and ask if someone could meet you for coffee and then go to a meeting.
3. Call your local AA hotline and ask if someone could do a 12th step call at your home and then go to a meeting.
One thing I have learned in my recovery is that if I step out side my comfort zone I grow.
Trust me every single person in an AA meeting recalls the fear of walking into thier first AA meeting unless they did like I did. I was fall down drunk when I went to my first one!
I had been drinking all day and was pretty hammered when my wife came home, for some reason she was really upset to come home to find me drunk again and proceeded to read me the riot act!!! The only thing I could say to calm her down at the moment was "Look, I am going to an AA meeting tonight, lay off!"
Well I found a meeting, left the house and of course stopped to buy a 6 pack to get me to the meeting and back home.... I mean the meeting was 5 miles from my house and I sure could not get there & home without a 6! I drank 3 on the way & then stumbled into the meeting.
Well I was made to feel more then welcome, the people there were nice to me even though I was drunk. I grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down in the back. It was a speakers meeting so all I did was listen, go to the bathroom, & listen some more. A really nice guy came up to me with a book (Alcoholics Anonymous) in his hand, he gave it to me and told me to keep coming back!
I had my second meeting 5 years later while I was in detox, different people, but I was still made more then welcome.
EliotRosewater if you really want to go to a meeting and begin your walk into sobriety.... STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE!!!!
I promise you that if you go to some meetings you will overcome all your fears of meetings, you will even look forward to going to them.
Here are a few ideas:
1. Call your local AA hotline and ask if someone could call you and arrange to meet them out side of a meeting to go in with.
2. Call your local AA hotline and ask if someone could meet you for coffee and then go to a meeting.
3. Call your local AA hotline and ask if someone could do a 12th step call at your home and then go to a meeting.
One thing I have learned in my recovery is that if I step out side my comfort zone I grow.
Trust me every single person in an AA meeting recalls the fear of walking into thier first AA meeting unless they did like I did. I was fall down drunk when I went to my first one!
I had been drinking all day and was pretty hammered when my wife came home, for some reason she was really upset to come home to find me drunk again and proceeded to read me the riot act!!! The only thing I could say to calm her down at the moment was "Look, I am going to an AA meeting tonight, lay off!"
Well I found a meeting, left the house and of course stopped to buy a 6 pack to get me to the meeting and back home.... I mean the meeting was 5 miles from my house and I sure could not get there & home without a 6! I drank 3 on the way & then stumbled into the meeting.
Well I was made to feel more then welcome, the people there were nice to me even though I was drunk. I grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down in the back. It was a speakers meeting so all I did was listen, go to the bathroom, & listen some more. A really nice guy came up to me with a book (Alcoholics Anonymous) in his hand, he gave it to me and told me to keep coming back!
I had my second meeting 5 years later while I was in detox, different people, but I was still made more then welcome.
EliotRosewater if you really want to go to a meeting and begin your walk into sobriety.... STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE!!!!
I promise you that if you go to some meetings you will overcome all your fears of meetings, you will even look forward to going to them.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: My world
Posts: 379
Welcome and well done for making the choice to stop now.
In the end I had no confidence, let alone a feeling of being happy.
Sober or drunk, I was a paranoid, scared, depressed mess of a human being.
I never want to go back to feeling like that again.
Make that decision now and stick with it. It's not easy but it really is worth it.
In the end I had no confidence, let alone a feeling of being happy.
Sober or drunk, I was a paranoid, scared, depressed mess of a human being.
I never want to go back to feeling like that again.
Make that decision now and stick with it. It's not easy but it really is worth it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 159
I was terrified to walk into my first meeting, and got lost so I only made the last 15 minutes.
They were very nice, and today I enjoy my meetings to an extent I would have never believed possible.
Just give it a shot and go, at the very least there will be free coffee and biscuits.
They were very nice, and today I enjoy my meetings to an extent I would have never believed possible.
Just give it a shot and go, at the very least there will be free coffee and biscuits.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Atlanta Georgia
Posts: 46
Functioning Alcoholic
That is always what I would tell myself." I don't have a problem I make work, make plenty of money." I tricked myself into a false happines, losing all intrest in anyone, hobies anything unless it involed getting hammerd. I like to write to, did it all the time when I was drunk about how much I hated being drunk. Still doing it right now. Good luck to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by a fallen man 
god bless you mr. rosewater.
sorry...i had to.
good luck my brother....this place has been a lifesaver to me.
sorry...i had to.
good luck my brother....this place has been a lifesaver to me.
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