What Next?
Hello.
My story is typical.
I'm a functioning alcoholic; I have known this for some time. I am 27. When I am sober I feel confident and happy. I am motivated and ambitious. When I am drinking, I pretend to be confident and happy and am simply not motivated or ambitious. I've quit drinking and come back many times in the past. Every three to four months, according to the journal I keep only when I am sober.
I write things like, "Your drinking has hurt you and worse - everyone you've ever been close with. It will again hurt you and them, without a doubt, should you return to alcohol - guaranteed."
Of course you know how this plays out. I always end up drinking again - as I'm sure so many do. A beer here or there, the slippery slope - and before I know it I'm back to pounding bottles of wine or whatever else I can get my hands on.
I've come to terms with this. I have also come to terms with the fact that I need to attend a group in order to remind me of all the negative things alcohol has brought to my life.
Another shocker to many of you - I am hesitant to go to that first meeting. I'm not afraid of who I am, nor am I afraid to look other people in the eye and speak to these truths. Oddly (or maybe not so oddly), I am very comfortable talking about my problem to strangers. Very comfortable.
In my "drinking journal" though, I've been writing about the need to attend a group for 18 months now.
In the time that passes, the cycle - the rollercoaster - keeps going round and round.
My problem does not make me uneasy. Walking into an AA meeting does.
~E. Tom Rosewater
Oh, and, thanks for 'listening.'