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Day 4...and barely hangin in there :/

Old 01-16-2010, 07:25 PM
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Wink Day 4...and barely hangin in there :/

Hello everybody. I feel very welcome and comfortable on this site because EVERYBODY here is in the same boat, with very different, yet very similar experiences. We are all going through, or have previously gone through the process of sobriety, or at least have an interest. If not, that's kind of weird to be on this site lol no harm intended if you fit those shoes. I have been smoking pot daily-meaning give or take 3-5 times a day-breakfast lunch dinner, and am ready to start a new life, because we all know the grass is greener on the other side!...not the same "grass" thank God!

I am 20 years old and have been smoking weed for just over 4 years now. I have a long line of addiction in my family and like most avoided the signs til it was too late. Actually it was more of a denial..the "Pot is not addictive/it's good for you/everybody does it" attitude...all the lies that led to continual use blunt after blunt.

I have been arrested twice, both times for marijuana possession, so it is quite clear it has negatively effected my life. but do not get the wrong impression of me...I am by no means a bad person. I have a heart of gold and would take a bullet for anyone any day. I am very open minded and accept everyone as they are...even if you are a ****head.

I am very functional when I smoke, but although I am "functional" i came to realize that is not the same as living to my full potential. I have not ruined my life-I am in fact doing very well. I attend college and have manyyy friends and close relationships. BUT I KNOW I would be at an even better, no MUCH better place if I did not smoke. I have gotten extremely lazy and cut off a lot of relationships with my non-smoking friends. and i know it will in fact destroy me gradually if I do not put the pipe down for good and get some control of my life.

SO...

Here i am 4 days into recovery, and feeling soooo crappy, which is what led me to discover this site. I am worried because I have several times attempted to get sober, and failed miserably all before day 11. Every time I was very motivated, but I do not know what happened. I feel as though this is my last chance. I am giving it 100% and truly believe, or more or less KNOW I will do it because I won't let myself give in this time!

If anyone can relate or has advice please post! because I know that day 4 is just beginning, but I'm here for the ride and don't plan on getting off anytime soon!

peace and love
Kyle
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Old 01-16-2010, 07:34 PM
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Hi Kyle,

Welcome!

I think it's great that you recognize you want to live a sober life. And, there is no need to spiral down more, before you stop.

My question to you is 'What are you doing to help yourself, besides stopping smoking?" Recovery involves changing from the inside out and it's a wonderful experience.
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Old 01-16-2010, 07:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
Hi Kyle,

Welcome!

I think it's great that you recognize you want to live a sober life. And, there is no need to spiral down more, before you stop.

My question to you is 'What are you doing to help yourself, besides stopping smoking?" Recovery involves changing from the inside out and it's a wonderful experience.
yes, I am looking forward to it being a wonderful experience and transforming my life.

What am I doing to help myself? I'm not really sure how to answer that. I love life and all the mysteries and journeys it brings, and am not really trying to reshape the structure of my life. I am mainly just focusing on cutting out the addiction and negative influences, mostly including any "friends" that would love for me to start smoking again. I am also currently working on bringing back and strengthening old relationships. I'm going to start trying to get closer to God, as I clearly was not religious these past years.

Should I be doing something else?
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Old 01-16-2010, 07:54 PM
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The younger members of recovery have my highest admiration. A perfect example of attained matrurity I only wish I possessed at that time. The peace of mind you'll be capable of the years to come will surely shadow mine.

Four days is no small accomplishment. Anything mind altering for someone with a family history of addictions is bound to end in disaster.

Congrats to you!
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Old 01-16-2010, 08:26 PM
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Hi Kyle

I smoked for 20 years - so I was probably a good 15-20 years older than you when I quit...

It wasn't too hard for me to quit physically...and although I remember being irritable it didn't get much worse than that mentally...it was just the slog of getting through it that sucked really.

I moved away from my friends too, so I didn't have the temptation factor either I guess.

My advice is to keep busy, remember why you're doing this, and use us here at SR as much as you like. Support is a wonderful thing

In the longer term? I know I smoked, and drank, and did whatever else for underlying reasons - I had some void in me I was trying to fill.

When I gave up pot, I turned even more to alcohol and wasted another decade - I know now I should have faced up to my issues and worked out precisely why I wanted to be off my head so much.

I think that's kinda what Anna was getting at.

I dunno what you feel about 12 step programmes but there is a Marijuana Anonymous too...never done it myself, but here's a link for you to follow up if you wanna check it out. A lot of the people here also feel the need for face to face support.

Marijuana Anonymous World Services

Welcome to SR!
D


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Old 01-16-2010, 08:56 PM
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yea now I get it and yea that's probably an area I should look into, because I really have no idea why I smoked so much but would like to know why and that would certainly help a lot.

Thanks for all the support already. I've been reading a lot of forums and there are a lot of positive people with a lot of inspirational things to say. Seeing that some people are over a year sober and still look at that as a early recovery makes me realize im in superrr early stages lol but you have to start somewhere.

And I'm feeling much better. Before I got on here I was feeling very emotional, which I haven't in quite some time and got a hugee rush of anxiety which neverr happens to me. Today was just a surprise-I was extremely irritable all day and didn't want to do anything, which was a surprise because the last 3 days I felt incredible.

So thanks
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Old 01-16-2010, 09:03 PM
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LastChance,

Welcome to SR! I don't have much experience with marijuana myself. I can tell you about the huge changes I noticed in my friend when she quit smoking. She was a little crabby at first.

Then she had this fabulous burst of ambition! She went back to school, got her master's degree and has steadily risen professionally. She's so much more fun now! Her wit is quick and she's far more confident.

I don't think she used a recovery program officially but I know she read a lot of material on addiction.

Again, welcome to our forum!

Love,

Lenina
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Old 01-16-2010, 09:16 PM
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I found I was irritable at first but it went away after a few days/weeks. Pot takes a long time to get out of your system. Exercise(lots of cardio), eat well and drink plenty of fluids and it will go quicker.

I found that I was noticeably quicker witted after a few weeks. I also became more sociable and stuff as well. I also found I had more ambition and a desire to work harder after a few weeks, as well as an increase in my libido.

Good luck.
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Old 01-16-2010, 09:24 PM
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Good to meet you Lastchance12

Originally Posted by Lastchance12
If anyone can relate or has advice please post! because I know that day 4 is just beginning, but I'm here for the ride and don't plan on getting off anytime soon!
No matter what I have remained in addiction treatment for the last 3+ years. Even though I don't have anything like perfect sobriety, I have made a great deal of progress spiritual/emotionally and mental. Its this progress that keeps me propelled forward in my recovery. Glad to have you here.
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Old 01-17-2010, 01:35 AM
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Welcome to SR

Originally Posted by Lastchance12 View Post
I am very functional when I smoke, but although I am "functional" i came to realize that is not the same as living to my full potential.
That I can certainly relate to, although with alcohol instead of marijuana (stopped smoking weed over a decade ago).

I'm also in college... etc. Not quite as young as you, but apparently still "young."

I don't have much time, either, just a couple weeks more than you. But those couple weeks make a world of difference (thinking back to how I was in mid-December...), so hang on in there.


Yeah, don't get off the ride. It'll buck for a little while, but... it does get better. And then you're free...

TB
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