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Terrified of boredom

Old 12-09-2009, 05:48 AM
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Terrified of boredom

I am strongly considering going up and getting a fob in NA, and starting NA. I am just honestly terrified of not having friends anymore. I know you meet new friends in NA but most of the people are not my age, and one girl who is my age there, I have known for a long time even before NA stuff, and we do not get along. I am so terrified of being bored...I already struggle so much with being bored, the evening/night is one of the hardest times for me to stay sober, because either I am out with friends doing drugs or drinking, or I am at home and I just feel bored and alone. So I get high to feel more entertained or to cheer myself up and not be bored and tired. Boredom is like, my worst enemy so the thought of being EXTRA bored AND staying sober while being extra bored is really scary to me. I get bored now and I have lots of friends, imagine when I have no friends? It's like partying has given me an identity. Growing up I was the 'religious girl' now I am the 'party girl', I don't want to go back to being a loner. Partying has given me something in common with people and made me more outgoing. I am the "party girl" that everyone wants to party with, I don't know who I am outside of that. I guess I see my identity as how others view me. I dunno... but I am scared of being alone and bored, AND sober while being alone and bored on top of it.
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Old 12-09-2009, 06:19 AM
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Welcome to SR RocketsintheSky. Worried about boredom if you get clean and sober? That was my biggest fear, that life would end if I quit drinking!!!

How many NA meetings have you been to? I can assure you that folks in NA or AA are not bored unless they choose to be!!!

What I found once I had been sober for a while was I was able to do everything I did while drinking, only better!!! I also remembered what I did the next day!

An even bigger discovery I found was that people who are clean and sober do thousands of things that we drunks and addicts can't do, or never knew we could do because we were to busy staying drunk or high to even know they existed!

Think about all of the places people go to that there is no drinking or drugging going on, could it be that people that are clean and sober do far more things then drunks and addicts do?

So you say you are a party girl correct? Would it be a fair statement to say most addicts and drunks are party folks as well?

Now if a drunk or addict gets clean and sober and stays that way does that mean they do not want to party, aka enjoy life?

I discovered that when I was drinking all the time that all I was doing was drinking and talking about things I was going to do but never did them, but once I got sober I quit talking about what I was going to do or wanted to do and started to do the things I talked about doing and never did while I was drinking.

I discovered that when I got and stayed sober life began for me, it took time though, it took AA, the steps, & time, but today I live life to the fullest, I do not escape living life by staying drunk.
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Old 12-09-2009, 06:35 AM
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Terrified of Boredom?

Strong word... terrified.... for something like.... boredom. I mean, a person might be terrified of falling from a high place, or, terrified of getting mugged in a bad part of town, or terrified of the dark when home alone....

I remember when I was in high school. I was supposed to write a simile in english class. I probably wouldn't remember this if it weren't for the reaction of my teacher. I wrote that "Boredom is like a bone drying in the hot dessert sun"..... She came to me and said that it wasn't a good example.... "too strong" she said.... Well maybe for her it was too strong, but for me I thought the comparison rather.... well, mild, even....

So yea, I get it Rockets.

So you are thinking of NA... good for you. Get into the PROGRAM as well as the fellowship... don't worry about who's there, do those steps.

Faith and fear don't co-exist. If you get one thing early in your journey, learn that. Have faith that your life will be many things, but it won't be boring.

Mark

Last edited by Mark75; 12-09-2009 at 06:56 AM. Reason: misspelled word
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Old 12-09-2009, 06:43 AM
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Boredom, being lonely, all those feelings we regard as bad and negative, don't have to be. They are a state of mind and you yourself are the only one that can change your state of mind. You are bored: Do something - anything. Something you couldn't because you were high or drunk. Something you always wanted to do. Seriously there must be something. I always wanted to do stuff and when I got my first buzz I was all rearing to go and planning and then bang! too drunk to do it. Can't be bothered, what was I thinking and so on. Pass out, wake up and start again. Try different meetings until you find a group closer to your age or...... don't brush us oldies off just yet, we might be able to help you more than you think Hang in there, don't give in.
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Old 12-09-2009, 06:52 AM
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I had the same fear at first.....but now I have so much going on I have to keep a calendar!!! lol I have never had so much fun and enjoyed life like I do now. And I welcome those days when nothing is going on so I can curl up with a good book!
Having a sponser really helps, someone to introduce you to people and events, etc.
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Old 12-09-2009, 07:24 AM
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That same fear, fear of being bored, kept me drinking and drugging for a lot longer than I really wanted too. I even got arrested twice during this period, so please be careful and keep in mind what you're fighting for.

I'm not bored right now, but that's b/c I'm doing 90 AA meetings in 90 days and I also go twice a week to IOP (outpatient therapy).

Try to go forward fully into the program and like others have said - now is the best time to do all the things you've always wanted too. Start off slow if you have too, but do start. You won't regret it!

Keep up the good work and thanks for posting.
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Old 12-09-2009, 02:33 PM
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Being clean and sober doesn't mean you have to sit at home and do nothing, Rockets.

Try NA - see who you meet...maybe also try some other things as well - are you still religious? there's a lot of church youth groups...there's a lot of youth community groups and charity groups too.

Being sober doesn't mean we stop living and interacting with people.

D
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Old 12-09-2009, 03:23 PM
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Well

I often get serenity confused with boredom. Today I'm grateful I can sit at peace in a quiet room by myself. Was never able to do that. Still practicing though.
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Old 12-09-2009, 03:45 PM
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One day some months ago, I was alone and feeling something, an out-of-sorts something I couldn't at first identify. Everything was okay. I wasn't stressed, or sad, or upset in any way. Didn't have any reason to be, at least.

Then I figured it out. I was bored! It had been so long since I felt it, I didn't know what it was!

But I have been bored. Early recovery can be that way, especially when changing the proverbial people, places and things. I wasn't working, and besides meetings and physical therapy, I didn't have a lot to fill up my time. That didn't last long, though.

If you can set aside your prejudice against the one young woman you know in NA and get yourself to some meetings, you will find people who understand. And try not to be prejudiced against those who aren't your age. I'm 41 and I have AA friends who are teenagers right on through to their seventies. As a matter of fact, I have friends outside AA in the same wide age range. I think the fellowship taught me something about ageism -- and how to get over it.

I carry my program into all aspects of my life, though AA isn't all that keeps me busy. My life is extraordinarily full of things I didn't have (couldn't have) before I prepared myself to receive them. It takes willingness, patience and work -- and some faith to take the place of that fear. If you start with the willingness and bring that with you, there are folks who'll help you with the rest.

Peace & Love,
Sugah
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Old 12-09-2009, 07:02 PM
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You will only be as bored as you allow yourself to be.

Welcome to SR. I hope you choose sobriety. There is nothing better.
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Old 12-09-2009, 08:12 PM
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I can't offer much advice since I'm really new to recovery myself (only 3 days sober) but just want to say that I'm in the same boat as you. I'm in college and in a fraternity so as you can imagine basically every weekend of my college life and a lot of the weekdays have consisted largely of "partying" involving drinking and/or drugs. There are lots of friends that I only hang out with when we are getting high or drunk. I also have a reputation of being a bit of a "party person" as you mentioned.

Honestly I have the exact same fears as you. I have tried being sober before and the boredom always gets to me. When you're drinking/using you always have something you can do. I also worry that by being sober I may lose some of my friends because hanging out with me won't be fun anymore now that I'm not drinking.

I'm starting to realize more and more that these fears are unfounded. I have several friends who have been in the same boat and gotten sober and I see them out doing things all the time. I recently went to a concert with a sober friend who I had used and drank with in the past and he seemed to be having a much better time at the show now that he would actually be able to remember it! My buddy's girlfriend is sober and she hangs out with us at the fraternity all the time and probably goes to more parties and socializes more than I do.

As far as losing friends, I'm sure there will be a few people who don't want to hang out anymore now that I don't drink/use. I used to worry about this in the past but now I realize that my real friends will still be there and I need to make this change for me. I'm sure that I'm also going to make a lot of new friends being sober since my life won't be centered around doing the exact same **** week in and week out. I used to think drinking/using made me more social and interesting to other people but I'm also starting to find out that this isn't the case. Especially with drinking, I've had several people tell me that when I get drunk I turn into a different person and get a lot more aggressive and basically can turn into a bit of an *******.

I guess overall I'm just saying I feel where you're coming from and I hope we both get through this!

Peace and Love
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Old 12-09-2009, 10:11 PM
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I think you may be young, due to the references about going out/partying. I know that makes it difficult. I felt like I needed to be "going out" to socialize until I was about 26, after that my drunkenness got so bad I had to drink at home or risk waking up in jail. It is hard when it feels like you are missing out or something, but I would wager that you aren't missing much. My suggestions?

Watch a movie. Take a bath. Compile a playlist of songs to listen to, if you have an mp3 player, you can take this on a walk. Do you like to read? If not books, maybe magazines? Local libraries also have newly released movies to check out.

It really is a good feeling when you realize you feel good being at home, unaltered. I know it doesn't come easily or right away, though.
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Old 12-09-2009, 10:21 PM
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Welcome! You know what else people like? The ukulele. You can get a starter uke for like a hundred bucks, and learn online.

Take that boredom, and turn it into awesome.

Other than that: welcome. Thanks for sharing, and I'm glad you're here.
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