I am strongly considering going up and getting a fob in NA, and starting NA. I am just honestly terrified of not having friends anymore. I know you meet new friends in NA but most of the people are not my age, and one girl who is my age there, I have known for a long time even before NA stuff, and we do not get along. I am so terrified of being bored...I already struggle so much with being bored, the evening/night is one of the hardest times for me to stay sober, because either I am out with friends doing drugs or drinking, or I am at home and I just feel bored and alone. So I get high to feel more entertained or to cheer myself up and not be bored and tired. Boredom is like, my worst enemy so the thought of being EXTRA bored AND staying sober while being extra bored is really scary to me. I get bored now and I have lots of friends, imagine when I have no friends?
It's like partying has given me an identity. Growing up I was the 'religious girl' now I am the 'party girl', I don't want to go back to being a loner. Partying has given me something in common with people and made me more outgoing. I am the "party girl" that everyone wants to party with, I don't know who I am outside of that. I guess I see my identity as how others view me. I dunno... but I am scared of being alone and bored, AND sober while being alone and bored on top of it.